Maybe I've gone crazy

Felix didn't know how to feel anymore. His feelings were jumbled and his face showed his confusion. There was no way he could be feeling... sorry for her.. it wasn't pity, it wasn't anger, it wasn't hatred. He simply didn't want to see her sad. He didn't want to see the angel fallen. He didn't want to have been part of the reason for it. He looked down at this beautiful vampire, and their eyes met, but only for a second, because right at that moment the doorbell rang.

Felix felt his arms drop as she ran off to pay for the pizza, and left him standing there, confused and sad. He hadn't felt the need to hurt her today. Maybe at first.. when she had pinned him to a wall, but now he simply wanted to see the pain go away from her face. Maybe by being someone she could believe in.. and if he really tried hard to be a better person, maybe it would help heal the fallen angel.

The smell of pizza washed over Felix and he temporarily forgot his current situation. It was mouth-watering, literally. She set the pizza on the table and Felix had to force himself not to take the whole thing. He sat down beside her, and stared at it for a moment, before picking up a single piece and taking a bite, he chewed fast and swallowed hard, almost feeling his stomach accept it gratefully. His stomach churned and he felt an ache inside of him as he took another piece, barely chewing in his attempt to get it down his throat. He had no time to savor the taste, only time to make it all finally nourish his body.

He finished the piece of pizza in record time, and forced himself to stop and let his stomach accept the food for the moment. He was afraid of throwing it all back up again, and wanted to make sure he didn't overeat.

"Sophia... why do you trust me... after all I've done? All the pain I've caused people you know and love... why didn't you kill me on the spot? You could have ripped me apart in moments, but you didn't.."

Sophia was confused, she was feeling weird, but it wasn't out of anger or being scared. Was it a feeling of love? No it couldn't be, love gave up on her. Although as much as she hated to admit it , she was falling for the one person who broke her in so many ways. But here she was falling for him as if he never done anything wrong to her. Ok Sophia was definitely messed up in the head now.

" Wow.... I never seen anyone so excited over pizza before!"said Sophia chuckling. " I guess the first time for everything. " said Sophia honestly laughing. " I honestly haven't had pizza in awhile, so this is pretty good!"said Sophia softly. " Mmm. .. so good!said Sophia closing her eyes enjoying the cheesy goodness of the pizza. " Ok..., I guess I have no room to talk!"said Sophia chuckling.

Finishing her slice of pizza, she looked at him for a minute biting her lip. " I wanted to the start with, the moment I saw it was you I wanted to. " said Sophia honestly. " But then we started talking, and I could tell by looking in your eyes you were telling the truth. "said Sophia softly but honestly. " I guess I'm a sucker for sad puppy dog eyes. " said Sophia shrugging as if it wasn't nothing. " Plus I seen goodness in your eyes. " said Sophia softly.

Seeing some pizza sauce on his chin she giggled like a little school girl at him " You have some sauce on your chin."said Sophia still giggling. Seeing him try to get it, she grabbed a napkin getting it off for him. "There I think I got it. " said Sophia softly looking in his eyes once again.

"I've not had pizza in... it's been since Hogwarts probably, no.. before that.. I think the last time I ordered in Pizza was when my mother was still..." He stopped his words in it's tracks and picked up another slice of pizza, half cramming it into his mouth to give himself something to do. He nearly devoured it and sat back, letting it sit again, knowing he had to be careful with how much he ate, a little bit at a time until he could get back some of his usual appetite.

Felix looked over at her as she explained and nodded once, watching her eyes as she spoke. She was telling the truth. "I don't blame you.. I'd probably have tried to kill me the moment I saw me as well... can I ask.. er.. how is your family.. Khaat, Elijah.. are they... okay?" he asked, genuine concern in his voice as he tried to get the sauce off his face.

His heart sped up as she neared him with the napkin and gently wiped the sauce from his chin, her eyes meeting his as she did. He couldn't help it, he stared right at her, unsure of how he felt. She wasn't Naomi.. but she was damaged, damaged by his own hand. Damaged by the hand of life, and here she was.. wiping pizza sauce off his chin after stitching him up and helping him get back to looking like himself. He ran his hand through his shorter hair and stared at her, slowly reaching up to touch her wrist.

She was cold, which was so different from his Naomi, who had always been so warm. He seemed to have a thing with people who weren't quite human, because at the moment he couldn't help but remember back when he had forcefully kissed her. It had been cold, and he had been humorless, but it hadn't been a bad kiss. He wondered for a moment if he might snap back into himself and stop feeling so remorseful if he just.. did it one more time.

Quite suddenly he leaned forward, one hand moving to her neck as he brought his lips to hers. He had to see.. was he really changed? Would this snap him back to himself.. or would it cement him more into this new life he was trying to create.

"Your mother was still around?"Sophia asked him softly but curiously. " My parents died in a house fire started by death eaters in my fifth year, so I don't have any parents. " said Sophia softly. " As for pizza, probably since my seventh year at Hogwarts. " said Sophia honestly. Grabbing another slice she took a bite of her pizza letting it satisfy her hunger that wa all the sudden gone. It was weird how the little things, they had in common like not eating pizza in ages.

" Khaat as far as I heard is ok, I heard she got kidnapped by a werewolf named James Blood, and while she was kidnapped she had twins but that's what I heard. " said Sophia softly. " As for Eli, I only seen him a few times but he has kids and I don't know who's he's with now. " said Sophia shrugging. "The reason I didn't kill you is because I can't bring myself to do it!"said Sophia softly. " Although I done it before, I don't want to do it again. " said Sophia softly before trembling.

Seeing him staring right into her eyes, Sophia was sure if she was human she'll be blushing like crazy. But she was sure her eyes turned pink meaning she was blushing. Maybe she was a angel, she was his angel that saved him. Although could he help this broken angel fly again? It was weird how those who hurt you the most, also help you the most.

He was different from anyone else she been with, he was her torturer, but here he was torn down and broken. She seemed to have a thing for broken down people, it was the same way with Andrian. Sophia looked away from him, running her hands through her long blonde hair. These feelings were clouding her mind, she just wanted them to go away.

The one thing Sophia wasn't expecting happened which made Sophia freeze. Feeling his soft lips on hers, Sophia remembered feeling these same lips on hers years ago. They still felt the same, but unlike last time it wasn't cold or rude it was soft and sweet. That feeling in her stomach again, she kissed him back.

"Uh.. yeah.. when she was around, when I was thirteen she took my sister and ran off to America... said I looked too much like my father, wanted nothing to do with me." He said lightly, trying to play off the harsh beating of his heart. "My father died in Azkaban so.. I've really got no parents either." He said softly, staring at his hands. "Seems she can't get a break I guess..." he said wining as she told him about Khaat.

"I feel sorry for the woman... She's really done nothing to deserve the amount of pain she receives.. nothing but be a Lupin.." He nodded once about Elijah, having known that the girl he had been with had died a couple years ago. He stared at his hands as she spoke of not killing him. He was in her debt, that much was sure, she was risking herself to help him. If they didn't handle this carefully, things could go very badly for them both.

He had expected something different then the reaction he got. He felt her freeze, and then slowly, he felt her kiss him back. He waited for the life changing moment. The feeling of whether he would get to grips and push her away and apparate away, or if he'd feel any different then he did. Her lips were familiar, even after all these years.

He slowly leaned back, his eyes closed, one hand on her cheek still, he slowly opened his eyes and looked at her. However the second he made eye contact, a stab of pain flew through his gut and into his chest, he tried to ignore it as he slowly leaned back and rested his head against the couch. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have done that.." He said carefully, afraid now of how she would react after the fact.

"Wow...that's horrible,  I'm so sorry no one deserves to be left alone at a young age. "said Sophia softly.  " Of course I was, but my parents didn't leave me. " said Sophia honestly.  Sophia shook her head.  " She's the one person that helped me stay strong through everything. " said Sophia softly but honestly.  "Khaat was the only one who knew what I was going through,  so I leaned on Khaat for a lot of things. "said Sophia softly.  " Khaat never any doesn't deserve the things that happened to her, but through it all she comes back strong. " said Sophia honestly.


"She just cursed cause she's a Lupin,  everyone is going to be after her."said Sophia softly but honestly.   " Elijah used to be such a man whore,  but he honestly changed into a better man. "said Sophia softly.   " I used to not like him for what he did to my best friend,  but he proven himself to me. " said Sophia honestly.  " Plus I don't think Chase would of wanted me to hate him. " said Sophia softly.   " Sometimes wonder if there not up there disappointed in everything I done, saying 'what the hell are you thinking Sophia?"said Sophia softly. She could literally hear Chase yelling at her from heaven right now.

Surprisingly his lips still felt the same, but at the same time they felt different like it was coming from a different person. Maybe it was because Felix wasn't a mad man like he used to be, he was a broken soul just like she was. But why did she kiss him back though? That was something Sophia was confused about more than anything, was why she kissed him back. Why did she kiss back someone who tortured and broke her in a million pieces? It was these damn feelings that were inside her, they told her to forgive him and kiss back.

Sophia opened her eyes and looked him in the eyes. " It's ok, I kissed back so it's not all your fault.'said Sophia biting her lip. " Are you ok though?"Sophia asked him softly her chocolate brown eyes looking at him worried. " Don't regret doing what you did unless you didn't mean to do it."said Sophia softly. After the kiss, she wanted more but she kept herself back. After the kiss, the feeling in her stomach was still there telling her to kiss him again.

Felix nodded along with the conversation, barely comprehending what she was saying. Someone to lean on... her parents were dead, they hadn't left her. He felt he could have dealt with life so much easier if he had been left without parents due to some unnatural cause, at least he'd still have his sister. Felix felt a burning in his chest again and doubled over slightly, his hand moving to his chest, but he blocked out the pain and looked at her.

"I never had anyone to fall back on.. I only had myself.." He said slowly, before shaking his head and looking away from her. Chase Moor.. that was a name he knew pretty well. The red-head he had driven insane... The pain returned only stronger the longer she spoke about the girl. If there was one person he regretted torturing it was that poor air-headed brat. She had been taken simply to spite the others having escaped.

Felix looked away from Sophia after the kiss, refusing to catch her eye as he leaned forward and grabbed another piece of pizza, taking a bite of it and chewing slowly for the first time since he had begun eating, trying to stall time before he could answer. Was he okay? He hadn't exactly reverted back to his old self. He didn't want to hurt Sophia any more then he had before. And he hadn't at all before. So was he cemented?

He didn't know... all he knew was that he was still here, and he was still sitting in her living room, eating pizza with her, and they had just kissed. "I don't know.." He said finally, staring down at his piece of pizza. "I... I wondered for a second, if maybe we kissed, like we had before... I might snap back to how I felt before too, I was afraid I would, but we did, and I'm still like I was.. the pain is still here." He said, reaching up to touch his chest before glancing her way. "I'm still me... and not the me I was before."

"Well.... you can fall back on me, I'll be your support. " said Sophia softly but honestly.  " I'll be your angel Felix,  if you need me I'll be there. " said Sophia softly.  " We can help each other out. " said Sophia before getting her another slice of pizza.  One thing for sure, they both needed each other,  more than they think.  With not seeing Khaat,  she needed someone to help her stay grounded.  

Sophia looked away from him eating her pizza slowly deep in thought about everything.   She knew she couldn't tell anyone this kiss she had with him,  although it was more daring and secretive then any kiss she had.  As much as she ,liked it she kept it to herself.  It was over and done with,  just like the one years ago was, just something he did for feelings.  Although she couldn't help not to think why she was so addicted and drawn to him?

"Do you want to go back to your old self and not feel all this pain?"Sophia asked him softly.  " I like you better this way,  you may look like the old twisted of a bastard Felix Barker,  but you're not him anymore. " said Sophia softly but honestly.   "You're not him Felix,  you're not that same guy you were weather you believe it or not. "said Sophia softly.   " Beisdes that kiss wasn't the same as I remembered. " said Sophia honestly still not looking at him.  " The one I remembered was hard, cold,  rude and emotionless. " said Sophia softly looking at her hands.

" The kiss we just had was soft, sweet, gentle and it had emotion in it. " said Sophia softly playing with her hands. Why was she even telling him all this? he was probably going to look at her and laugh now. Here she was falling for someone who tortured her and her friends, maybe she was the one who was going crazy. Although Sophia's excuse was he changed and Sophia seen truth and goodness in his eyes. Something she honestly thought she'll never ever see in Felix Barker's eyes.

Felix didn't know why, but he trusted this woman, this vampire angel who had fallen from the stars in an attempt to give him a second chance. Did he really deserve a second chance? Not really, but he could only wish others would be willing as well. Murderers didn't usually go free though, not in any system, it didn't matter if he was sorry now, he had to figure out somehow that he wouldn't go straight back to Azkaban. There had to be a way. Maybe if him and Sophia could convince enough people in the world that he had changed... that he felt remorse.. a truth serum in front of the world.. maybe they'd believe him.

Felix felt his hope dwindling away, but her words continued, and he could only look at her with sorrow in his eyes. He wasn't himself, he wasn't what he used to be... Felix couldn't help but feel sorrow over the loss of his old life. He had been confident, if in trouble a lot. He had known his place in the world, now he felt like a lost dog, only wanting to find his way home. However, Felix didn't have a home any longer. He knew where his home was.. and it didn't welcome him anymore.

He wanted his Naomi back, but he knew she never would come to him.. so he knew he would never truly feel at peace. He had ruined his life from the start, gone to Azkaban twice, killed countless people, tortured more. How did he deserve to live? How did he deserve to have an angel to guide him.

"How..." he finally said, his hands shaking again. "How am I going to do this..?" His eyes found hers, the fear and pain, and loneliness coming off of him like waves of heat. "Murderers don't get let out of jail just because they feel sorry for what they did. I do not deny what I've done.. but how do I manage to gain acceptance when the law states that I must be put in Azkaban.. Sophia, how can we do this? There is no way... I'll be thrown in jail again.. and these thoughts.."

Felix's face twisted into a series of emotions, before he finally pulled his knees to his chest, put his hands over his head and hid his face, his body shaking. "Sophia.. these thoughts torture me night and day, it's worse then any spell, worse then anything Azkaban could throw at me.. I've felt this for the last two years... this pain.. I try so hard.. but.. there is no hope for me."

His shoulders were shaking, and his age was becoming apparent. He was only twenty-three, he had lived a short life that felt like a long one. He was cruel, and twisted, and deserved no more chances. In fact, he had already wasted the chances he got. "Sophia.. I don't want to die... but there's nothing left for me here."

Sophia looked at him and shook her head. " Listen the people you hurt are the right people you needed to free you, once you convince Eli and Khaat you changed they'll drop the charges. "said Sophia softly. " Plus me being a witness might help you some. " said Sophia honestly. " I honestly think they'll forgive you, they don't seem like the grudge holding type especially Khaat. " said Sophia softly. "I mean she gave you a plant while in Azkaban, so that has to tell you something. " said Sophia honestly. " I mean I could be wrong, but I know Khaat pretty well. " said Sophia softly but honestly.

" Every one deserves a second chance Felix in things, even when you don't think you deserve it. I said Sophia softly. "There's a way Felix, there's always a way you just don't see it yet. "said Sophia honestly. " I always try to stay positive through everything, some hope is better than no hope. "said Sophia softly. " In the world of darkness, if there's one person who can light the way then your world is already brighter. " said Sophia softly. " Everything will be ok I promise, just hang in there. " said Sophia giving him a comforting smile.

" I don't know how you feel Felix, but I do know how you feel on killing innocent people. 'said Sophia softly. " Even if I was forced to, I still saw the light leave there faces ans knowing I did that can't be erase. " said Sophia softly but honestly. " I tried everything to erase the pain, Potions, memory wipe you name it but it still comes haunting me every night I go to sleep. " said Sophia softly. " I know the feeling Felix, and it doesn't go away trust me, but having someone who understands you helps. "said Sophia softly. " Believe it or not, we have ,more in common then you think. " said Sophia honestly.

" Don't say that Felix, there's something here for you, there's something for everyone. "said Sophia softly. " I feel actually like you do now, I don't think there's a reason for me to be here anymore, I lost everything. " said Sophia softly. " All I have now is my brother Ryo and his family and Hitame. " said Sophia honestly. " I sometimes wonder if they even need me, they look so happy, about their lives I don't want to be a burden to them. " said Sophia softly but honestly. " As for me happiness left me years ago, it's like a dementor took my soul due to losing people and people disappearing. " said Sophia sighing softly to herself.