To Fix This Mess

Wait, what? He expected her to go through with having the child just because he told her to? Oh hell no. Of all the stupid things he had done to her, this one was the worst. It would mean nine months of dealing with a pregnancy when she could instead be doing other things that would benefit her would-have-been sister of sorts.

Nessa refused to look at him even as he grabbed her and when he turned to walk away. She thought he probably knew she was crying, but it clearly didn't matter to him. Didn't affect him at all. Not that she was doing it on purpose, though.

Her shoulders shook as she tucked her chin even farther, his claims threatening to make her break down completely. He shouldn't have wanted his child to be involved in something so dangerous and so ridiculous. It didn't make sense. Nothing Dylan did made sense. Her fingers curled into the fabric of her shirt, her anxiety finally being allowed to show itself.

And I won't help you.

Well what would be any different about that? Nessa wasn't sure how to reply; his threats and demands only deepened her anger, setting off something she felt for few people in the world: hate. She hated him. She hated what he wanted her to do, what he would do if she refused, and even being near him now that it couldn't be associated with anything good.

Finally, she decided she had to say something before he came over and grabbed her again; she probably already had bruises on her arms from just moments before. Nothing could change his opinion of her now, could it? Shaking her head dejectedly, Nessa realized that this was probably the first time she truly understood defeat. It was basically pretty awful.

Lifting her chin, Nessarose stared at him, tears streaking her face rapidly. Taking in a large breath, shoulders rising and falling visibly, she made her choice. "You want me to have it? Fine." She gave him a few seconds to take it in before continuing. "But I don't want you anywhere near them or me. Bae will help - or if he won't, I'll find someone who won't threaten my life every time I turn around, or physically assalt me when they don't get their way." She spoke quickly, never allowing him a word in edgewise. "Complain all you like, but I'll take the child and leave if I must. I don't care if James wants them. You should be the first to realize how stupid you sound when you say you want to add a baby to the pack. Utterly stupid."

Her breaths came rapidly as she paused, eyes wide - though they weren't wide with fear this time. They were wide with determination and anger and the most dislike she had felt for anyone her own age. "I won't let your stupidity affect any more of my life. I hope you realize how much you've ruined already. And how much I wish I'd never met you. You're an awful person. So much worse than I thought I was already. As glad as I am that you proved me wrong, I can't thank you for it. In fact, I hate you."

Even if Dylan spoke, Nessa probably wouldn't have heard it through the blood rushing in her ears. Without warning or sign of slowing down, she bolted. Throwing the door open, Nessa took off down the hall, descended the main stairway, and shoved past the front doors. She needed air. She needed...

Well, she wasn't sure what she needed anymore. She was going to have a little boy and she hadn't even told Dylan the gender. What if he came barreling after her and - and kidnapped her or something. Her heart nearly stopped. She took off again, having paused pehaps a few moments, heading for the apparition point.

He really knew how to seem like an arse didn't he?

Dylan groaned as she ran out of the room, watching her as she bolted down the hall. How could she have expected him to react any different? It was his child she wante to get rid of. He couldn't let her just kill off the baby within her. There was also the fact that if she killed the child with the potion, she could harm herself in the process. Dylan didn't want that, as much as he sometimes wanted to admit, he didn't want her to harm herself.

But now, her only condition to having the baby was that he not be in their lives. He stared blankly at the room, as if he expected Nessa to walk back through it and talk to him. He couldn't and shouldn't expect that from her, as much as he wanted to. Dylan growled and pounded his fist into the table before him, with the tears he had so fiercely pushed back finally flowing from his eyes and down his cheeks.

He hated her too. He hated that she made him feel this way, he hated that she had made him cry when nothing else had since he had been turned. He hated how she looked at him, how she spoke to him, everything. But he mostly hated that she had made him fall for her. But he hated himself too. Probably more than he hated her. He hate that he'd made her cry. He.. Made her cry. The thought finally processed in his mind and when it clicked, he couldn't control himself.

He couldn't let her get away.

Dylan lifted his head, tears still falling, but he forgot about his crying and focused on Nessa. His hands were curled into fists and he ran out of the room, shortly after Nessarose had. He ran after her, determined to get to her before she had a chance to get away from him completely. He didn't know what he was going to say to her though, how could he make up for all his stupidity? Try being sincere. A voice in his head told him and Dylan's hands curled more into fists and his nails began to dig into his hands.

When he caught up to her enough to be in her hearing range, Dylan called out to her. "Nessa!" The rest of his words caught in his throat and he sighed. He ran a bit faster and caught up to her enough to grab her arm. "Stop, please." He anything but demanded and looked at her with tears still falling from his eyes without him noticing.

"I'm sorry okay?" He said softly, his grip on her loose. If she pulled away, he wouldn't try to do anything else to stop her. "I'm sorry I'm an idiot, and I'm sorry I hurt you so much. It wasn't my intention. I never meant to.." He cut himself off and looked down, feeling like if he spoke anymore, he would completely lose it and break down in front of her.

His voice carried easily in the open grounds of the manor, making her falter in her steps. Nessa nearly collapsed out of sheer shock when she realized she wanted to listen to him. How much more of him could she take before she just… hexed him? Or herself, for that matter, to get away from him? Still, her stupid feet didn’t listen to her head and she slowed to a stop as his hand wrapped round her upper arm. Why did he always aim for the same spot? She nearly looked to see if she had indentions marking the shape of his hand before she caught herself. At least he only had the one side of her held captive; Nessa couldn’t find the energy to pull away, even as she refused to look at him.

It didn’t take a visual to realize he was crying, too. His words were choked and sporadic, creating the usual halting effect that tears tended to have. Nessa couldn’t figure what he had to cry about. She said she would keep the damn child. Wasn’t that enough?

I’m sorry, okay? Her head immediately lifted to stare at him, eyes wide in wonder as the tears slowed. She found she was glad that they stopped after a few blinks and embarrassing sniffs, for it both stopped the blurriness and allowed her a bit of room to breathe. “Yeah, you are an idiot.” She said quietly, surprised by her own lack of animosity. It had suddenly vanished as he tore his gaze away from hers.

Shaking her head, Nessa looked at their feet for a moment before trying to be less of a complete jerk and instead present her position so he could understand it without going off on her again. “Look, you don’t get it,” she attempted, pausing to clear her throat delicately before going on. “This wasn’t supposed to happen. I had a plan, and someone who needs me. They don’t have anyone else to help them as far as I know. I could be her only hope for redemption, for revenge. Now I can’t help them because your stupid pack won’t let me and I- a baby? Hell, Dylan, I can’t handle that. My parents will literally kill you. Then me. Then you again.”

The thought had her almost laughing, though she couldn’t place why, exactly. Maybe it was the irony of her folks having sent away the other girl for something much simpler and it all having been for nothing. Because she had messed up so royally that it couldn’t be outdone by someone being a squib. “Looks like we’ll be experiencing those fiery pits sooner than anticipated,” she added, referencing his attempt at a joke earlier. Her joke was far weaker than his as she blinked and another tear streaked down her face without her willing it to.

Sighing, Nessa tried to cling to the anger she had felt so strongly naught but moments before. Blaming his fingers on her skin for her willingness to calm down, she made a mental note to keep her distance next time they fought. That was the strange part; his touch either scared her to the point of yelling at him and running away, or it soothed her. Letting out a second, heavier (and this time audible) sigh, she shifted her weight, and turned so her body faced him instead of just her head.

“Dylan,” she whispered, hoping he would meet her eyes again. Suddenly, she realized her face was still wet and likely involved puffy eyes and looking a right mess. Lifting her free arm, she brushed away what she could feel in one swipe with the back of her hand. Deciding it would be better in the end to finish the conversation and just go back inside instead of worrying after how she looked, Nessa let her voice return to its normal audibility. “This is all so broken. You realize that, right? I know literally nothing about you, except that you get… violent frequently. I don’t even know your full name, for starters. This? Us? It shouldn’t happen.”

She shook her head minutely as if it would punctuate her point, chewing on her lip to make herself stop talking. Nessa wasn’t even sure what she was trying to say anymore. How had she gone from her anger to the fact that she couldn’t like him? She didn’t think he even cared beyond worrying after the baby he just learned about. He certainly hadn’t been keen on seeing her except to harass her. There was no way anything between them would be even remotely healthy. She couldn’t kid herself. They didn’t have a chance in the world if he couldn’t see that his reactions were far too strong and that she couldn’t spend her life with the pack.

It didn’t matter, though, she decided. She didn’t like him like that. She had just been weak when she realized he was attractive, and now he had frightened her more than anyone ever had managed to in the past. Just because she couldn’t let herself care for him didn’t mean that she couldn’t use his help in all of this. At the very least she might be able to weasel her way into a deal of sorts with him.

His hands never left the position they had been in and he was starting to feel the pain it was causing but e refused to move them. Sometimes his stupidity was just too much for even him to handle. Dylan sighed as she spoke, not knowing what he was supposed to tell her. He didn't know if he was supposed to comfort her and if he was supposed to, he didn't know what he was suppose to do to comfort her. He wasn't any good at that and he didn't think he'd have to do it.

One thing was for sure though. He felt like screaming. Not at her this time though. Just scream into the air and clear the rage within him, without lashing out at someone. Clearly, he'd done enough of that already. He didn't want to physically hurt her anymore, or emotionally for that matter either. He contained himself though, knowing that it probably wouldn't be a good idea to do so.

"I take back I said before." He offered softly, his gaze dropping to the round before him. "I'll help you. With anything you need. I don't care what it is, I'll help." He was somewhat desperate, so he'd do anything to get on her good side at least. He didn't want to thrown out of the child within her's life. Especially if he was the father of it. "If your parents want to kill me, let them try. They probably can't. Not that I care but.." He shrugged the last bit off with a slight frown on his lips.

He lifted his gaze to meet hers when she said his name and more tears began to form as she spoke. He tried hat to blink them back like he had at first but he knew it would be futile because they'd end up falling anyways. He let his gaze begin to fall again once she spoke about how he didn't know him. How all she knew about him was that he got violent. That isn't my fault.. he told her softly in his head, not realizing the words hadn't come out. "I can't help that. It isn't my fault, that's how I was taught to be in the pack, otherwise I'd get killed quickly. I wasn't like this before. Since I was turned, I learned new things." He informed her quickly.

"If you want to know things about me, ask. I'll answer." He said, finally acting like somewhat of a human being for once since his turning. "If you want to know my full name, fine. It's Dylan Davies." He said, taking her comment as a way to start the conversation, he just didn't know if she would continue it.

"I know how bad this all seems.."

Nessa’s eyebrows lifted in surprise at his words, almost as taken aback by those as she had been by his teary expression. Did she want to accept his help? She found that she did, even if it perhaps wasn’t the wisest decision in the world. But she would have no one else once her parents found out about everything. She found herself wishing she hadn’t been as cold-shouldered as she had been throughout her school years. She wanted to comment that they would definitely try, regardless of if they thought they could succeed or not, but she kept it to herself.

“You don’t have to be that way with other people, Dylan.” Nessa pointed out, voice almost chiding. “With the pack, maybe you need to. But not with humans, and not with me. You can’t be that way with me.” Her free hand skirted the hem of her shirt and Nessa had to actively keep from letting her palm settle on her middle. Suddenly, she realized how serious this all was; she would be carrying this child around for another eight months and a bit, and that for the rest of her life she would be watching out for him.

The rest of her life… The thought was intense. Looking down as he spoke again, Nessa found herself distracted by the question of whether or not she would be any good as a mother. Growing up in the pureblood world and with their lifestyle, she hadn’t spent a good amount of time with either of her folks, often kept to the side or looked after by annoyed cousins or a house elf. She didn’t know much about it at all. And besides, she was only sixteen! She’d barely be seventeen by the time the baby was born. Sure, she would give it her best go, but there was no promise that she could do it well.

“Alliteration?” She asked suddenly, looking up as he gave his name. Well, she certainly wouldn’t be giving the child a name starting with that same letter. She pursed her lips at him as he continued, trailing off in the end.

“It’s not that it just looks bad,” she corrected him. “This is life-altering, Dylan.”

She caught herself suddenly, wondering after why she kept feeling a need to say his name. Maybe it felt more personal – like they weren’t nearly strangers. A tear escaped his eye and Nessa felt a strange instinct to brush it away or embrace him. Something about how he, too, seemed scared by all of this made her feel vaguely protective of him.

Her sweater was too long for her, palms half covered by the end of the sleeve, but she ignored it as she lifted a hand to his jaw. Her fingers peeked out of the fabric, brushing away the tear with her thumb. The tips of her fingers toyed with the ends of his hair as she regarded him. He said he would answer anything she asked, but what did she want to know? Now that she had pointed it out, Nessa realized she had merely been trying to push him away, not having anything specific that was gnawing at her in her mind or her heart.

She couldn’t let herself like Dylan, no matter how drawn she felt to him. She wasn’t allowed to, regardless of the baby, because that would be like ignoring his betrayal. But she had to admit that she would end up needing him at some point. Everyone needed somebody eventually, and Nessa wasn’t sure she really would have anybody after everything came out into the open.

“I do have to ask something of you,” she nodded after a few moments of trying to memorize Dylan’s face from so close. She waited for some kind of response before giving him a serious look and taking a deep breath. “If I… if I stay here, you have to promise that we won’t fight like that. That you won’t make me go back to James and Moira until I’m ready. You can’t expect me to join them in fights or anything while I’m…pregnant.” It took a good bit of effort to force the word out, but Nessa nearly felt proud of herself for having said it.

"I just can't help it. I've mostly only dealt with wolves these past months, so I'm not good with human anymore. I can't help the reactions I have to people. I can't even act normally around my family. Which is why I left home. That's why I live with the pack." he told her softly, his gaze dropping to the ground. Dylan lifted his gaze enough to look at her middle, he blinked a couple of times and sighed. "I know I can't. I'm sorry." he shook his head and ran a hand through his hair. He couldn't keep acting the way he was with her, she was pregnant and it seemed like the thought hadn't quite settled itself in him mind.

When it finally did, the thought would be terrifying, he knew that. He knew it would be bad for him, but for Nessa it was probably much worse. She was the one who would be carrying that kid in her stomach for nine months. No matter how he thought about it, he wouldn't be able to figure out how to help her with everything. But something would come to him. He was actually going to help her and not leave her alone.

Her question caught his attention and he blinked at her. "Yeah, alliteration. Believe me, I don't like it but I can't do anything about it. I would change my name but I rather like it." he told her.

His hands loosened from their fist form as she spoke after he did and he sighed again. "I know it is. But I couldn't figure out what else to say." At least he was being honest for once with her and not acting stupid, but he knew that probably wasn't the best thing to say. "It'll be okay though, I promise it will be. I know you probably won't believe me, I don't blame you. But it will be okay. I'll make sure of it." he lifted his head to look at her, eyes locking with hers. He flinched away from her touch a bit but he quickly calmed himself and looked at her. He hadn't realized how much he wasn't used to a touch like that until she brushed the tear away from his face

"Anything." he answered her, probably too quickly. He might seem a little too eager for anything she could say, but he didn't care anymore. Her words caught him a little bit off guard, though they probably shouldn't have as much at they did, or at all really. His gaze broke away from hers and dropped to the ground for a few moments before he lifted it again and nodded. "Fine. You won't be involved with them." he said. "...I really didn't even want you to get involved anyways." he whispered, mostly to himself.

The last thing anyone would want was their child to be involved with people like the ones that were in the pack. But Dylan knew that the baby would eventually have to, since he was in it. And so would Nessa. But he could probably keep her away from them for the time being. Moira and James wouldn't let her fight or anything while she was pregnant, they weren't that heartless.

At least he hoped. He knew Moira wouldn't. She understood that it wouldn't be possible. She was a female after all. But James.. the thought that he might actually force her to take part in anything actually kind of scared him. But he figured Moira would talk some sense into him.

Nessa nodded along, albeit rather blankly, as Dylan replied, explaining his situation. She didn’t want to feel bad for him, even though she really did. At least he apologized for it, she mused, expression softening in response to his words. So he didn’t have much of a family, either. Nessa, though she didn’t rely on hers, had often wondered what it would have been like to be surrounded by people you couldn’t do without. Would this baby be that for her? She wasn’t sure, suddenly, that she would mind so much.

Although he shied away from her touch at first, Nessa didn’t back away; he had so often forced his touch on her, whether in comfort or anger, so she felt rather justified in her desire to smudge away his fear with her fingertips. He didn’t want her involved? “But you- you tried so hard to convince me…” She replied, shaking her head in confusion.

It didn’t matter now, though, she knew. It was too late, and although Dylan seemed to regret having turned her, Nessa had a feeling that it had been Moira’s doing all along. She let out a quiet huff before settling her gaze on him again. Would the baby look like Dylan? Have his hair? As if he were a part of her imagination and not actually standing there, Nessa’s eyes danced over his face, fingers weaving into his hair as she watched them.

Dylan didn’t even know it was a boy. She hadn’t said. Would he want to know? Some people didn’t. A part of her wanted to just tell him and let him deal with the fact that he hadn’t asked. Realizing suddenly that he would be watching her as she did this, Nessa startled slightly, relaxing her hand where it was pushing further into his hair. “Dylan,” she began quickly, letting her hand to fall to his shoulder as her cheeks burned with embarrassment. “It’s um, it’s a boy.”

Way to go, Nessa, she chided herself silently. Brilliant way to break it to him.

She felt the need to step away with the force of how awkward she felt surrounding her, but stood her ground. He had a right to know, she decided, if he were going to stick it out. Not like her parents, she knew. They wouldn’t want to help her after everything that had changed; she wasn’t the perfect pureblood daughter that they had wanted. Nessa wasn’t even sure that she was a pureblood. Her folks certainly wouldn’t be pleased that she had been so reckless with someone she knew nothing about. What if they sent her away, like they had sent their daughter away?

A sudden, blinding pain hit her chest as she realized what she had done. Her hand flew to her mouth, trying to cover the gasp of pain that left her lips.

How had she let herself be so stupid as to act like her parents had? Nessarose had been furious with them for years after she found out – she was still furious – but here she was trying to do the same thing, only worse. She hadn’t even been willing to give the baby a chance. “Oh gods,” she breathed, stepping back from him and pulling herself from his grip. “I almost-“ Shaking her head again, Nessa bent her knees and sunk to the ground, arms wrapped around her stomach. Although she expected tears, they never came; it must have been the shock that kept them locked away.

Dylan shook his head. She was right. He had tried to convince her so hard. "I didn't.. That - that wasn't me." he stuttered out. He hadn't been the one who had wanted her so badly in the pack. He was the one who had spoken to her, yeah, but he wasn't the one who wanted her there. That was Moira, more specifically James, who had wanted her to be a part of the pack. James just wanted it to grow. So did Moira.

Dylan had merely been a pawn to accomplish that goal. He hadn't had any other option than to go with what he was told. Moira wouldn't accept no for an answer and though he had often wondered why he was the one chosen for what he had, he kind of knew in the back of his mind that it was because he had enough charm though he never actually thought he did. He was attractive enough to get any girl he wanted if he actually tried, or even if he didn't.

Dylan shook his head and looked at Nessa. "I didn't want to turn you, just so you know. Moira was the one who wanted that. I would have preferred to keep you human." he admitted. If he'd kept her human, that wouldn't have worked in Moira's plans. So he had to turn her, he didn't even want to think about what might have happened if he hadn't done it himself.

It's a boy. Dylan blinked and his eyes widened a bit. A boy.. His child was a boy? A strange mixture of emotions flooded his system and he suddenly felt like crying but at the same time he wanted to jump for joy. He looked at Nessa and couldn't help the smile that had formed in his lips at the information she had just given him. "A boy?" he asked, sounding almost too happy about it. He couldn't hide his excitement though.

She suddenly spoke out and dropped to her knees and Dylan didn't know why. His smile instantly dropped from his face and he looked at Nessa in almost horror as he watched her on the ground, not knowing how to react. What was he supposed to do? Had he done something wrong? No, he couldn't have. She had clearly blamed herself for something, but what? Did it have something to do with their son?

Dylan kneeled down beside her and put his arms around her. "Nessa? What's wrong?" he asked, his voice shaky. He was really bad at this, he didn't know how he was supposed to help her. Especially if he didn't know what was wrong, what was bothering her. Dylan immediately felt almost helpless as he held her. How do I help? he asked himself as he felt panic rise up within him.

Dylan had to stop touching her. She couldn’t think when he touched her. She wanted to think, if only for a moment, that his shortening her name was a form of concern if not an endearment; but then, didn’t everyone shorten her name? It was rather ridiculous, even she could admit. Instead of pushing him away as she would have done, the pure surprise that had hit her made it impossible. She knelt there, shaking and enveloped in his arms as he asked after what had gone wrong.

“M-Moira never told you why she wanted me, did she?” Nessa asked after a moment. There was no point in hiding what only he could help her with. Not anymore. “She knows. She knows about the girl my adoptive parents sent away just because she was a squib. She knows I want nothing more than to find her and- and… I don’t know. Avenge her if I have to.”

All of that, Nessa had long since decided, made perfect sense. It was right to be angry that parents gave up their only real heir and forced Nessarose to claim to be something she probably wasn’t; they had no proof she was a pureblood. How else would she have been matched with Wood? Yes, the reasoning behind all of that worked in her head. What didn’t work was the fact that she had to admit to him what she had done. Or almost done.

“Dylan, I- I always thought that, at least out from under her parents’ gaze she could have a chance. Maybe she didn’t make it, but she had a chance to. I could have helped her. I might still be able to. But… I almost took away any chance that this baby-“ she couldn’t quite bring herself to say ‘our son’ yet, “-could ever have. I would’ve been worse than they are, after all these years of wanting to get back at them.”

Shaking her head, she finally looked up at him. It was the first bit of herself that she had admitted, but it was also the biggest. Why did she feel like she might regret telling him? The trust clearly wasn’t there, yet, between them. But that didn’t mean that he couldn’t help, or that she could have explained away her reaction any better with a lie. Lying was something she could do if she had to, but that she actually rather loathed doing if she could avoid it.

“I can’t believe I even considered that. I- I just-“

"You were confused, scared and angry?" Dylan finished her sentence with a question. "If you were angry, it was probably anger toward me, and I don't blame you for being angry. I'm a jerk, and one who basically ruined your life with one thing." He admitted. Admitting something like that was hard and he winced a bit at his own words as he spoke them. He had been really stupid, but it was what Moira wanted and he had to obey her otherwise he'd end up dead somewhere.

She was right though. Moira had never told him why she wanted Nessa. She had only told him that she needed her for something. Basically all he had been told was that he had to get her to join them otherwise he'd be in a lot of trouble. Moira had been too serious when she'd said that to him, so he knew that if he didn't do it or try his hardest to do it, he would die. Moira wouldn't accept failure for this and he knew that.

In fact, she was probably going to be really mad that Nessa didn't want to be a part of the pack yet, while she was pregnant. And she definitely wouldn't like it when he protected her from being involved.

Dylan realized how shaken she was by what she was admitting and a strange need to hold her tightly against him took over and he did just that. He held her against his chest and wrapped his arms around her. Even if she didn't like it, he wasn't going to let go of her. "You didn't know what to do. That isn't your fault." He told her softly. "At least you didn't go through with it." He added softly.

Maybe if he hadn't gone into the room when he had, she would have done it. She would have actually killed their son, taken his chance at life away from him. The thought made his grip on her loosen as he tried to push it out of his mind.