Shipper On Deck

Warning: For mature audiences only.

*A red curtain is quickly drawn back, revealing a large red sofa. Two people sit on the sofa, one a small, young blonde boy in a casual suit. The other is an older woman, also blonde, who wears a stylish black dress. A tattoo can be seen on her left arm. They both smile and wave to the camera*

KEITH: Hey folks. I'm Keith.
SANDRA: And I'm Sandra. And this is-
BOTH: SHIPPER ON DECK!

*A brief montage of pictures play, mostly Keith and Sandra laughing. In the final picture, Keith lounges on top of a giant heart with an arrow through it while Sandra finishes Spray painting the words Shipper on Deck in the middle. The both pose and smile towards the camera. *

KEITH: Hello Pottersarmy!
SANDRA: I've missed you.
KEITH: I haven't.
SANDRA: Well you haven't been in an insane asylum for like 4 months.
KEITH: *shrugs* I was in Jamaica. After handling the lawsuits of course.
SANDRA: Oh yeah, how'd those go?
KEITH: Well the dead baby one was a real B****, but our bribes excellent lawyers got us out of it with a minimum fine. The lady adopted from like Korea or something so issall good.
SANDRA: And the death threats?
KEITH: I'm supposed to apologize.
SANDRA: Are you going to?
KEITH: You betcha. Lay down a phat beat San-dog.
SANDRA: Boom-boom-ch-boom-boomboom-ch *beat from Fresh Prince of Bel-air begins playing*
KEITH: Well this is a story, all about how,
this show got flipped turned upside down,
so if you could take a moment and ignore my lies,
I'll tell you just how we got here then apologize.
Oh we did a story bout Prison and Sally
And their young engagement caused Sandra to rally
behind a cause, without a pause, she set out to kill.
Leaving me with 10 minutes of show time to fill.
With no place to turn, I whipped out the letters
But I threatened to kill Chase and wound up in fetters.
Then we got a lawsuit, our execs got scared.
They told Morgan and Noah to take our place on the air.
But they got fed up after just one show,
without a backward glance, this joint they did blow.
Now Sandra's back from therapy and the court's at rest
Time to get back to doing what we do best.
SANDRA: Word
KEITH: What whaaat?
SANDRA: Dawg.
KEITH: Winning.

*Screen fades to black. Commercials play. Screen fades back in to Keith and Sandra talking quietly*

KEITH: So what did they eventually diagnose you with?
SANDRA: Officially, I'm bipolar.
KEITH: Bi-polar? The Earth is bi-polar. You're bi-winning. Win here, win there. Win win everywhere.
SANDRA: What? Eh, that's probably closer to the truth.
KEITH: You totally should've gone to Jamaica. I was banging seven gram rocks. That's how I roll.
SANDRA: Wait, are you taking drugs?
KEITH: I'm on a drug called Keith Nicholas. It's not available, if you try it once you will die.
SANDRA: Whatever. We've got a show to do.
KEITH: Winning.
SANDRA: So, I personally am very excited about this particular Shipper on Deck. This pairing...I guess you could say I'm addicted to it.
KEITH: The only thing I'm addicted to is winning.
SANDRA: What is up with you?
KEITH: What's wrong with me? I've got tiger blood man.
SANDRA: I think the wrong one of us went to therapy.
KEITH: Probably true. Do continue.
SANDRA: *sighs* alright. Anyway, the ship for today is....drumroll, if you will.
*Drumroll begins. Sandra leaps up and rips her dress off, revealing a large t-shirt with the words "KHINCENT 4EVUR" written on it.
SANDRA: KHAAT AND VINCENT! HELL YEAH!
KEITH: Wait, that shirt covers your shoulders.
SANDRA: Yes....
KEITH: Your dress didn't cover your shoulders. How did I not see the shirt before?
SANDRA: Best not to worry about it.
KEITH:.....So, Khaat and Vincent huh? Khincent? Government shipping.
SANDRA: Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
KEITH: And people say I'm passionate about my ships. Anyway. Khincent is a rather interesting ship in that both characters are on opposite sides of the Wizarding War
SANDRA: Though that isn't at all uncommon in shipping circles, it still-
KEITH: Shows a certain amount of insanity
SANDRA: I would've said dedication.
KEITH: I'll bet you would've.
SANDRA: Anyway, we don't have many details about this ship-
KEITH: But that's ok because there aren't many details to give.
SANDRA:.....asshole.
KEITH: I try. Khincent is a curious ship that I'm personally kind of look down upon-
SANDRA: Because you obviously haven't made that clear enough already right?
KEITH: Shut up. I am currently going through a subplot where I get adopted by Khaat (Sorry about not responding Khaat, life and all, I'm getting on that) so maybe that will change my views.
SANDRA: Unfortunately for Khincent shippers, Vincent isn't very active currently, and so the ship is at least temporarily docked.
KEITH: What a shame, what a shame.
SANDRA: We're not sure how this ship developed either, but as the two had at least some interaction in the wizengamot (the origin of the government shipping name) so that's a pretty good mess.
KEITH: In the end, it's an interesting ship if only to see how they interact with each other once romantic feelings are thrown into the mix. I...I guess I can see the merit in it.
SANDRA: OH HELL YEAH! LET'S PARTY!

-End-

Oh my gosh, the Fresh Prince parody made me laugh soooo hard. Good one!

Hah, this is great Keith. Hilarious.

You seem to have got most of it right Khaat. Basically Vincent needed Khaat's friendship to help him in his own schemes and so befriended her. In the end he actually started to respect and like her a bit, and so rescued her once.

I've been inactive due to the plot. My characters are usually involved in the plot, and lately there hasn't been any.

is jsut glad abby and Gackt didnt make it on to this , LOL . cannot have everyone know their secrets. but reading everyones elses was so choice.

Warning: For mature audiences only.

*A red curtain is quickly drawn back, revealing a large red sofa. Two people sit on the sofa, one a small, young blonde boy in a casual suit. The other is an older woman, also blonde, who wears a stylish black dress. A tattoo can be seen on her left arm. They both smile and wave to the camera*

KEITH: Hey folks. I'm Keith.
SANDRA: And I'm Sandra. And this is-
BOTH: SHIPPER ON DECK!

*A brief montage of pictures play, mostly Keith and Sandra laughing. In the final picture, Keith lounges on top of a giant heart with an arrow through it while Sandra finishes Spray painting the words Shipper on Deck in the middle. The both pose and smile towards the camera. *

KEITH: Welcome, welcome, welcome all,
SANDRA: To a very special episode of Shipper on Deck.
KEITH: You see, today's episode doesn't really focus around a ship.
SANDRA: I know, I know. Wipe the tears off your face. The truth is, we've kind of already done a ship for everyone.
KEITH: And nobody dare come up here and go "but you haven't done an episode for my character and their love interest.
SANDRA: If you do, we're going to go ahead and tell you to shut up.
KEITH: Because nobody cares about you and boring, stereotypical romance plot line.
SANDRA: Honestly? We don't really care if your character is dating the kind, easygoing wizard X but *gasp* secretly has feelings for the sexy, bad boy wizard Y!
KEITH: We've seen it million times. Now, if wizard X was secretly a pirate, and challenged wizard Y in a duel for your hand on his giant sky-pirate ship pulled by robot-ninja-zombie-dragons...
SANDRA: Then get off PA and GET YOUR BOOK PUBLISHED ALREADY.
KEITH: Seriously, what are you still doing here? Your natural writing talent could destroy worlds.
SANDRA: Anyway, today is what could be called a rant, except in musical form!
KEITH: Because Musicals are better. That's why.
SANDRA: Show of hands, how many of you have heard of Secondhand Serenade?
*No hands are raised*
KEITH: Yeah, we thought so too.
SANDRA: Anyway, you may as well go ahead and pull up "fall for you Instrumental" on youtube, cause this is going to blow your mind.
*Fall for you by Secondhand Serenade begins playing. Cue dramatic lighting*
*Cut to Keith, sitting on a bench, illuminated by a single spotlight*

KEITH: The worst thing bout Hogwarts is there's no young kids...
SANDRA: How the hell did all these teenagers get here?
KEITH: I swear to God I've never seen them...
SANDRA: Before but maybe I was drunk on beer.
KEITH: But hold your breath...
SANDRA: Because today I'm really asking this old question
KEITH: Where did you goooooo...
SANDRA: First years I need you
KEITH: You're so young and cute and awesome
SANDRA: Yes, I swear it's true
KEITH: Little kids like you impossible to find...
SANDRA: Impossible to find...
KEITH: I remember when I signed up here...
SANDRA: Thought that starting in first year would be the norm
KEITH: Oh god was I wrong, and it was boring...
SANDRA: To be all alone in the freshman dorm.
KEITH: Oh, But hold your breath...
SANDRA: Because today I'm really asking this old question
KEITH: Where did you goooooo...
SANDRA: First years I need you
KEITH: You're so young and cute and awesome
SANDRA: Yes, I swear it's true
KEITH: Little kids like you impossible to find...
SANDRA: Impossible to find...
KEITH: So please...make more kids....
SANDRA: First years, second years, they're yours to keep,
KEITH: And maybe spread the word, get sixth years beat...
SANDRA: And remember the first book, yeah it was sweet.
KEITH: Take it away S-dawg!
SANDRA: Because today I'm really asking this old question
KEITH: Where did you goooooo...
SANDRA: First years I need you
KEITH: You're so young and cute and awesome
SANDRA: Yes, I swear it's true
KEITH: Little kids like you impossible to find...
SANDRA: Impossible to find...

KEITH: Word.
SANDRA: On a more serious note, this is a very real epidemic sweeping the PA nation.
KEITH: Members seem intent on creating fifth and sixth years almost exclusively, causing a slew of problems.
SANDRA: Mainly, continuity. You've got other members who have spent quite a while crafting their character's history, and now suddenly there's this random kid in their grade?
KEITH: Second, you're creating a glut of mid level students, with very few lower level students.
SANDRA: And last, but certainly not least, there seems to be a trend where younger students are left out.
KEITH: Can you guess how many times I've seen a plot I'm interested in, only to see one of the criteria is "fourth year and above?" Because it's someone in the dozens.
SANDRA: This leaves 1st, 2nd, and 3rd years with very little to do.
KEITH: In fact, the near complete absence of young characters has changed my personality completely.
SANDRA: Believe it or not, Keith wasn't always intended to be such a smart ass.
KEITH: But my intelligence had to increase drastically when I realized that there were no kids my own age to make friends with...
SANDRA: And well, the rest is history.
KEITH: So think about it, next time you make a character.
SANDRA: Sure it can be kind of boring, with no spells or real romantic sub-plots, but we believe that somewhere out there is a group of talented writers who would enjoy the challenge a younger character would bring.
KEITH: Join the pre-teen revolution. I'm Keith,
SANDRA: And I'm Sandra. It's been a wonderful night everyone. See you in another six months!

Humorous and straight to the point. Amen.

Darius was a requested character, I swear. But despite my contribution to the older students, I still agree with you wholeheartedly.

Oh god
*Prepares for the sudden influx of first-third year students.*

But good on you Keith. It's great to see members taking this stuff into their own hands.

And it's nice to see the couch getting some use again too. Love Shipper on Deck

Warning: For mature audiences only.

*A red curtain is quickly drawn back, revealing a large red sofa. Two people sit on the sofa, one a small, young blonde boy in a casual suit. The other is an older woman, also blonde, who wears a stylish black dress. Her left arm is bare. They both smile and wave to the camera*

KEITH: Hey folks. I'm Keith.
SANDRA: And I'm Sandra. And this is-
BOTH: SHIPPER ON DECK!

*A brief montage of pictures play, mostly Keith and Sandra laughing. In the final picture, Keith lounges on top of a giant birthday cake, while Sandra finishes putting the frosting on with a massive frosting...thing. The both pose and smile towards the camera.*


KEITH: So. Here we are again PA.
SANDRA: Happy birthday! As of November 2nd, our wonderful home of Potters Army (.net) is officially four years old!
KEITH: Which means it's finally gaining some substantial cognitive skills!
SANDRA: *muttering* Which is more than I can say for some of the members here.
KEITH: *laughs* Oh! Burn! S-dawg with the heat!
SANDRA: Don't call me that. You're embarrassing yourself.
KEITH: Anywho, November 2nd is quite the day in history. For your developing cognitive skills, we've dug up several important events that have happened this day in history.
SANDRA: Isn't it great? We're almost like a real TV show.
KEITH: Yeah, yeah, we get it. Sandra, hit us with the first date.
SANDRA: Well. In 1570 a tsunami hit Holland, killing over a thousand people.
KEITH: .........
SANDRA: Moving on. Uh, in 1783 George Washington gave his farewell address to the army.
KEITH: *Rubs his temples* Sandra, we were kind of thinking something happier...
SANDRA: I'm looking, I'm looking. Um, in 1868 New Zealand accepted a standardized time.
KEITH: Sandra, you understand the differences between "happy" and "irrelevant" right?
SANDRA: Oh! In 1889, North and South Dakota are accepted into the United States.
KEITH: Ok, that's justing straight up depressing.
SANDRA: Agreed. THe Dakota are the worst thing to happen to the US since Canada set up shop right next to us.
KEITH: Alright, lemme read a few dates. You're horrible at it anyway. Let me see...November 2, 1936, was the start of the...Canadian...broadcasting...company.
SANDRA: Holy shit, how bad can this day get?
KEITH: Same day, same year. Benito Mussolini announces the Rome-Berlin axis, otherwise known as the Axis powers.
SANDRA: Thanks for that November 2nd. Thanks for World War II. That was just fantastic of you.
KEITH: In 1963, some South Korean guy is executed when there's a military coup.
SANDRA: Two years later, a Quaker sets himself on fire in front of the pentagon to protest using Napalm in Vietnam.
KEITH: I love the smell of Napalm in the morning!
SANDRA: Oh, in 1974, 78 die in a South Korean club fire.
KEITH: South Korea again? What's November 2nd got against South Korea?
SANDRA: And to top it all off, in 1984, America executes a woman - the first one in 22 years.
KEITH: But amidst all the tragedy, there is one shining light.
SANDRA: You see, Potters Army shares it's birthday with none other...
KEITH: Than Martin Luther King Jr. Day.
SANDRA: In 1983, November 2nd, Ronald Reagan signed the holiday into existence to celebrate the greatest fighter for equality in American history.
KEITH: So it's not all bad PA. I mean sure, net value, your birthday is the worst day in the history of the universe...
SANDRA: But we like to think that the joy you've brought all of us has helped balance that scale a little.
KEITH: So thank you, PA, for being born.
SANDRA: A happy 4th birthday, and may you grow ever older.
BOTH: HAPPY BIRTHDAY POTTERS ARMY!

Loved it lol.