I Can't Stand the Silence

Chase felt as though Andrew's words were a whiplash. The words themselves were okay, but the way he said them made her flinch and move away. She closed her eyes and felt her eyes find Jack's. Then she looked at Andrew. She slowly stood up. "I'm sorry.." She said softly, looking back and forth from Jack to Andrew. "I messed things up.. didn't I?" She said slowly and then felt exasperation flow through her. "Why can't.. why can't we just go back to being friends like we were? Eating brownies and fighting Nessie?" She cried out staring at them both.

"Brownies and Nessie.." She smiled slightly, and her eyes found Andrew's. It was like they were friends again, the smile on her face, as she looked at them for a long moment. Andrew was tense, Jack looked near tears, but Chase was remembering. Remembering how they sat outside Honeydukes, eating the best brownies in the world, drinking the happiest drink there was. Maybe besides the everlasting hot chocolate Chase had taken from the kitchen in a little thermos.

"I was so scared for you two.." She said softly. "I thought... you were going to die Jack.. and Andrew got so hurt.." She said softly, an odd calm smile on her face now. "Is this worth it though? Is this our punishment for making friends and having fun? We get to enjoy it, have so much fun, and then this?" She gestured to them all and smiled slightly. "If it is with this? You know.. I would do this all again, just to have those memories.. wouldn't you?" She said softly, looking for a moment at Jack, before she let her eyes fall on Andrew.

"If I could go back in time... and relive that day.. I'd do it, even knowing that if I did that I would go through what I have... I would, because you are my friends... and... I miss you like hell, but those days are what make me smile.. it's what makes me... well me.. So yeah, I want to be friends guys.." She suddenly stuck her hand out like she was doing a team cheer. "I want to be friends guys.. we may go through hell together, we may regret being friends, but if I get more days like that with you guys.. I'll go through hell and back.." She said and looked at first Andrew, then Jack, still smiling.

Andrew continued to listen to the two and couldn't help but feel a little sad. Get everything out eh? No he wouldn't do that. Go back and time and relive that moment? No he wouldn't do that either. No point in reliving what he went through unless he could change the past.

Andrew kept standing, yet kept his hands to himself. "Alright" he said in a casual tone, his facial expression still pretty blank "we're friends again. What now?"

Jack stared between Chase and Andrew, feeling strange. You would think she would not feel like the third wheel between two people who weren't dating anymore, and yet here she was, feeling like she had stumbled upon a private conversation. She could see Chase earnestly trying to fix it, though not able to say what needed to be said. And Andrew, not ready to move on.

"This isn't supposed to be how it works," she whispered to herself. Her eyes snapped onto Andrews, and she addressed him the way a sister would a brother. "You need to say what you're feeling, not how you think we want you to." Their was some sternness in her voice, but it was kind, as though she understood. She looked between them and said, "I can go if you want. I think you guys may need to talk."

Chase stared at Andrew and then looked at Jack, letting her hand fall to her side again. "No.. please don't go Jack.. there isn't anything we need to talk about that he hasn't already said.." She said softly. "That I haven't already said.." she looked at him in a sad way, and then looked at Jack. "Besides.." she said slowly, realizing she had made no effect on what had happened between them. Her smile had slid off her face, and the mask was coming up slowly. She had hurt Andrew so badly, she felt her mind prickle in anger. Not at them, oh no, she was angry at herself. For being such a selfish person. Jack had been dealing with so much, and then she felt herself back away from them both, as though afraid they might hurt her.

She bit her lip and then shook her head. "You're right Jack.. this is all wrong, this isn't how it is supposed to be! What is wrong with us?" She asked softly, staring at the grass beneath her feet. "We used to be such good friends, and now look at us.. standing feet apart, staring at each other, not arguing, but not able to say the truth.." She said softly and sighed. "Jack.. I'm sorry, but this is why we can't be together, me and Andrew.. no one is to be the third wheel.." She smiled slightly and shook her head. "I should go... I don't.. I think you and Andrew would be better off without me." She said and looked at them both, and then took a step forward. Andrew was sad because she was there, and if she was gone, him and Jack could be friends, and she would stick to her Slytherin friends, and everything would be okay... except Chase would have a gaping hole in her heart for a long long time.

What was Andrew gonna say now...that everything would be better if they had stopped putting blame on each other? Wait. "Can't we all just admit that we made some stupid mistakes?" He said calmly now, knowing full well that they knew it "and can we all just believe that what happened in the past will always be our history? We all need to stop putting blame on ourselves and walking away...we can't do that anymore." Well that was actually pretty helpful in his own mind.

"We all have to accept that the things we did were dumb. Now let's just move on...find out what the future holds in store. I'm not beating myself up over something that happenened, why should you guys have to? You don't deserve it!"

Jack stared at Andrew and wanted to believe him. On the surface, she did. She knew she could at least pretend she had moved on and forgiven herself and put on a smile and just be happy. But she also knew that deep down, she would be wondering if she really did deserve to be in their company, if she was endangering them just by keeping herself close. She would always wonder, always feel a pang of guilt...

But she could take it. Jack was strong, and she had learned that she had to deal with some of her own vices privately. There was no escaping them, so it was best to bury them deep and deal with them on her own. She looked between her two friends, knowing there was still a lot to fix, but she would even be willing to take third wheel until they solved those problems. "You guys really just want to go back to friends?" Her eyes went to Chase. She knew Chase did. Her eyes fell on Andrew. She was still not sure if that was what he wanted. He said it was, but their was pain in his eyes.

Chase looked at them both for a long moment, but then sighed and moved a bit away from them. "You know I do Jack.." She said softly. "I will always want to be friends with you guys... and.. if you ever want to know me.. you know where you can find me.." She sighed and then shook her head again, taking a deep breath. "I will always want to be your friend... I'm trying, but right now.. I think it's best if I wasn't here for a while, I mean.. if you two are friends again, it's good." She looked at them both and then finally said what she was thinking.

"We need to heal guys.. Especially me and Andrew, I said some horrible things to him the other day.. and I know they were horrible, and I'm sorry Andrew, but... I think you and Jack should become friends again anyway, you guys knew each other before me.. Jack.. I think.. I think you might want to help him out a bit okay?" she said and moved forward kissing Jack on the cheek lightly before moving away from them both. "I'm going to go back to my common room.." She said slowly.

"Now that we have made a step towards becoming friends, I think we all need to think about it okay? Jack.. take.. take good care of Andrew for me will you? Help him.. I'm fine." She said and bobbed a small cursty to them both, before spinning around and taking off at a quick pace up the grounds. Her mind was spinning. She wanted to be their friends, and now that the first major step was taken, now that true feelings were out on the table.. they needed a break.

And Chase needed some hot chocolate.

Apprently Andrew's words had managed to sink in...but Chase had already left. For a moment, he thought that he should go after her and try to tell her that they could be friends...yet he figured he already made his point. And now there he was, standing near Jack. Whom he had met so long ago.

"I think this is the first time we have been alone without mentioning Vito." He deducted, realizing that the last couple of times that he had saw her had always ended in an arguement over Vito. It was nice really...to be free of that weight. He stood silently, listening to the soft chrips of birds and the low tide of the lake. Now what would he say?

Jack stared after Chase, the truth of her words not quite able to sink in faster than the sadness of her departure. Jack felt like they had been ripped farther apart because of this whole conversation. But she knew Chase was right. Sometimes you had to hurt just a little more to be able to allow yourself to heal. And she knew what was the right thing to do.

She turned to look at Andrew, smiling at her long-time friend, the person she considered a brother. At his words, she smiled faintly and said, "Probably..." She thought for a second and then said in a tired voice. "And let's not bring him up now." She chuckled at her words, but also fiercely agreed with them. She did not want to talk more on the subject.

Andrew had been oddly silently throughout the whole conversation, and Jack figured it was time she found out why. She let silence sit between them for a moment, before asking cautiously, "Hey... Are you okay? I mean...I know your upset and all, but... You seem different."

Andrew was curious how everything got quiet. Before, he had always been talking to Jack with ease, such as cars or tree forts. But now, things had an awkward aura...at least to Andrew. He would have to say something, anything, to get things back to the way they were.

When she had asked the question, he felt relieved. Now he could try and get words out of his head. "I don't know really. I guess the summer toke its toll on me." At least he was able to say something.