taking a walk

"Nah," she said, "Rob is just way to busy for that. And me, well, I'm just taking a few days off to enjoy the spring. I think I have scoured every inch of the house and planted hundreds of flowers. And now that I know my knee will hold, I am less of a target and perhaps I can go back to a bit of adventuring again. I either need to finish up some of my own odds and ends or find someone who doesn't see pregnancy as a prohibitive factor. And, no, I won't stir up trouble at Hogwarts. You seem to have that very well in hand, I must admit. I owe you an apology for underestimating your abilities at that. I am sorry. You do appear to be doing a fine job so far as I can see. And I hear you're offering Alchemy. That is a long overdue course offering there.

"By the way, something I'd like you to consider. I'd like to offer, to maybe 6th and 7th years, the ability to do an active internship at St. Mungos, in conjunction with Hogwarts of course, for course credit. They could graduate with a position at St. Mungo's waiting for them, if they successfully complete the program. Of course you would have to approve the cirriculum and be the leader in which students would get selected or not. I haven't thought it through completely, because I haven't had a chance to talk to you. You don't have to answer now. It was just a thought I had."

Khaat knew well of the staff shortage since Order members had gone. She also knew that course offerings had had to be compromised. This might answer both their issues, but it would mean he might have to work with her periodically to select the program's students, if he would be willing to do that. The brunt of the work would fall on her and the healers she trusted to train them. His part would be precious little, but the credit would, no doubt, go largely to Vincent. She didn't care about credit. He could have that for all she cared.

"No," her eyes flashed as she spoke, "St. Mungos is controllled by me--and me alone. It is not controlled by the ministry. Let us, please, get that very straight. The amount of the budget that they put into St Mungos on an annual basis makes them a funding source. And a pitiful one at that. Nothing more. What little they contribute is directly responsible for keeping St. Mungos at least 100 years out of date before I came on board. And I do have several funding sources now--much better ones.. If I were being controlled by the ministry I would have told you flat out. And I would have had to have their blessing before creating such a program.

'"Save your bloody owl. It doesn't need their permission or I'd have asked Matt Lestrange myself. The only part of my career that the ministry does have a relatively significant say is in the Wizengamot. That's all. I cannot very well hide the fact that I am Chief Warlock, now, can I? And you and I have already been over that topic. I am absolutely not a spy sent by the Ministry or by the Order either one. I am a hospital director. I've never hidden I was an Order member from you, but I don't go running off to Jess telling him whether I saw you or not or anything we talked about. Its none of his business. I doubt he would approve, but I really could care less.

She had not expected that old argumentative side of her to come forward so quickly but there it was. She didn't know whether Vincent would be repelled by seeing a bit of the old Khaat coming forward or not.

"Here is the bottom line, VIncent. If we decide we want to do such an internship for healing, as far as I'm concerned, we just create it and do it. You can have all the credit for it if you want. Fame and credit never interested me much, but it might do you some good in this case. And I have no objection to that. It might help stablize your position in Hogwarts a bit. And it helps me. I need healers I can trust. As I said, I have no opinion about you needing extra protection right now and using the death eaters to do it. However, if we do this, I would object to a Death Eater who wants to be a healer. That seems too oxymoronic to me. "

"But, if you don't mind me saying so, when I consider the wizarding world, it seems to me that the bigger threat to both us us, individually, is Emof. He is power hungry, and he needs a large impressive conquest to give him a base of information. What better feather in his cap than to either take Hogwarts or to take over St. Mungos? After all, where else is every medical record of every magical creature from all over Europe stored? That would be drastically dangerous in the wrong hands. Not to mention all the hundreds of secrets that have been ferretted away at Hogwarts over the centuries. It is a gold mine to the right villain. If I were him, I'd be setting my sights on either you or me. He might move for Matt, but since the ministry is so disorganized, Matt probably just looks like easy prey. You and I don't fall into that same catagory right now. But if you think strategically, he needs to come for one of us to get a base for building his operations. And that does concern me. Personally, I'd like to see him eliminated--either in Azkaban with whatever restrictions I can impose upon him when he stands before me in my courtroom, or dead. Either way works for me."

"

Khaat sat for a moment, stone faced, sipping her coffee, thoughtful as to how to reply. Her stand was fixed, and unless Vincent had suddenly taken leave of his senses, he knew it was fixed too.

"That really was a very good try, Vincent," she smiled. "It didn't work, but it was very well thought out, very organized, nicely presented. I am not worried about Jess Potter or Matt Lestrange. I don't care if they think we're sleeping together. I just honestly don't care." She surprised even herself with her candor. She was honest, but not typically so brutally so. "And, yes, I wasn't hardhearted enough at that point to see Emof for what he really was. I'm all done with that, in case you hadn't noticed. I have no interest in the ministry at this point whatsoever. And I choose which battles I support, no matter who is involved, whether the Order is involved or not. I've told you that before. I did not participate in the battle for the ministry. I was not there. That was my own choice.

"That, also, is part of being a Lupin. Knowing which battles to fight. And some of them just aren't worth it anymore. You want to know what I really want? Alright. Here it is. I want to live long enough to bring my daughter into the world. And I am a liability to a lot of people right now. That makes me a nice looking target for more than one faction. If I make it that far without Emof trying to kill me again, then perhaps I can reset my sights on another challenge. You weren't there when he held me hostage in my own office for hours and tried to kill me. Not that I expected you to be. But neither have you been pregnant. It does change you way of viewing the world. My sights are set right now at not being a target for Emof again.

"Why the dickens do you think I wanted you to consult with me about the courtroom so badly? You and I are probably the only ones who have a fair idea of how his demented little brain works, and I'm the one with the power to make the rest of his existance a living hell. He absolutely knows that. And, he's already told me that if he can get his hands on St. Mungos, he gets every medical record for every witch and wizard in this part of the world. As well as a very secure base of operations. And I am the only one who stands between him and his getting what he wants. I don't want him getting that close to me again, at least until after my daughter is born. If you want me to look at something else, then I'll have to stay alive long enough to do that first."

Returning to Hogwarts? That actually did interest her--a great deal. She was tired of Ne'Os Emof being able to get to her. She was tired of it risking her pregnancy. Hogwarts had always been known to be a safe place, and if Vincent could keep the Death Eaters from harming her, then she would be far safer than where she was now. Even if, on the odd chance that the Order might plan to attack, they would not attack her. She would be safe either way at Hogwarts. She could not say the same thing for St. Mungos. Furthermore, at least Vincent was paying some attention to her. She could not say the same for Rob. She was tired of working all day at St. Mungos, going home only to miss Rob altogether--passing like two ships in the night.

"To be honest," Khaat wanted to reply to his question about the Wizengamot first, "I do have control over who is chosen and who is not to be on the Wizengamot. I have not always executed that right, but the power is indeed mine. Why do you think I wanted you on the panel? I respect your opinion very much. I know we don't always stand on the same side, but that's alright by me. I needed your wisdom and your experience on the court. And do not think, for one moment that Emof will ever stand in my courtroom again and escape punishment. I can control that. I don't care how the trial goes. I will have the pleasure of sentencing him to Azkaban for the rest of his existance. Even if it means I defy the rest of the panel. I will not let him go free again. Personally, I'm hoping to kill him first. However I have to do it."

"Now--changing subjects--actually," Khaat said, looking at him, " The Hogwarts job does interest me. Very much. You're right. I cannot control Emof. Ultimately we can never control another person anyway. I could simply take a leave of absence, which my father has been trying to get me to do anyway, just to get away a bit. I really don't care much about what job you might put me in, so long as it does not risk my pregnancy. My daughter means everything to me. I know that answer comes to you as a surprise, but yes. I would be very interested. I just need to be able to tell Rob about it, and I need to be able to able to notify my father that he will be in charge of St. Mungo's in my absence. Could I be of use to you there right now somehow? You'd have something I could do?"

She had no idea why she was trusting him at this point, but she found herself actually looking forward to going to Hogwarts and looking forward to not having to look behind her back constantly.

"I think I would like either position at this point. Although, I think I might enjoy the librarian position more because I think I simply need a complete change of pace. Something very different from what I currently do. " She paused and looked at him and smiled, "Have I really changed all that much, Vincent? You look like you're seeing a stranger. Well, here's the truth of it. Rob asked me to rid myself of all my inner demons, and I've done my best to do that. He didn't like that soft, vulnerable side of me, I guess. I don't exactly know. So, I've done my best to get rid of it, or at least bury it deep enough where it perhaps cannot be resurrected. If you'd have asked me a year ago if I'd have changed who I was for someone else, to be what they wanted me to be, I'd have told you I wouldn't ever have been interested in doing that. And, yet..." Her voice trailed off. She sipped her drink once more.

She had done it for Rob. She had loved him enough to change herself to keep him. And even now, she wasn't sure she really had managed to do that. She didn't know if she had actually changed enough to please him. She still spent most of her time much too lonely and alone. Part of her wondered that if Rob were to leave her, would she go back to being who she had been? Or would she remain changed as he had wanted of her? She wasn't sure she had that answer. Actually, prior to meeting Rob, she had foreseen herself spending her entire life alone, and had been quite satisfied with that. Now, though, she wasnt' sure she could return to that state of mind. She had had a taste of love, and she wanted it enough to keep it, if she could make herself worthy of him.

"I guess I see myself as having gotten only a bit more realistic," she said. " And I know it would surprise you, then, to know I have killed. Out of necessity, of course. Self defense, and a few times just for the sake of justice, like that little nasty business in Texas, but I do not regret it. We both know our world is getting more dangerous every day. At some point, I had to get over being quite so naieve and get over my Camelot style of thinking that just because I thought I had the right ideals, I could fight for them and always win. We Gryffindors are rather flawed that way. Believing that doing the right thing is always worth dying for, flinging oneself in front of the bullet to shield someone else. Sometimes that's all just balderdash. And, sometimes, its not."