Not-so-alone Time ((Cue Aden))

Amelia was startled when Aden responded so violently to her question, the frustration he felt showing in his actions. She tended to have that effect on people; those who were used to being with people who were open and friendly – as most of the students at Hogwarts seemed to be – tended to become more and more frustrated the longer they attempted to talk with Amelia. Truth be told, she wasn’t an open and honest person. She was a guarded, distant individual who didn’t like answering questions.

The vague responses were not solely for Aden; they were the same answers she would have given anyone else. If they seemed superficial or blunt, that is because they were. Her answers lacked what most people based their judgments on: feeling. She didn’t put emotion or expression into her answers because she was not in touch with that side of herself. For Amelia, there was a straightforward and factual answer to nearly every question, and although she recognized that not everyone thought this way, it had little impact on the way she responded to the questions her peers asked of her.

Although she was surprised by Aden’s sudden outburst, it likely could have been predicted. The water which had been displaced by his falling hand had splashed up onto Amelia face, and as she looked away from him as she wiped the droplets from her cheeks. Amelia was a non-confrontational person, preferring invisibility to being the subject of anger, and Aden’s sudden outburst had the effect of drawing her further into herself. She was still listening to his answer, but without the added effect of being able to read his facial expression. Because she was looking away from him, she was also unable to prevent his hand from landing on her shoulder, its weight pulling her eyes back to Aden’s.

She could see the confusion and frustration written across his features, the questioning look in his eyes that she had seen so many times before. This was why she felt alone in a crowd. This was why she didn’t interact with people in her free time. She couldn’t open herself up to people, and thus no one could understand her. Amelia knew her fate was her choice, and she couldn’t blame Aden or anyone else for their lack of understanding. It was a self-imposed solitude.

“I don’t have friends, Aden,” Amelia answered bluntly, but not unkindly. Aden's frustration had prompted her honesty, knowing she owed him the warning he had failed to pick up on by himself. Her voice was quieter than usual; admitting what she knew was true should not have been difficult, but saying it aloud seemed to make the truth of the statement that much more grim. “In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m not much of a conversationalist. I don’t wear the right clothes or know the right things to say. I make small-talk about as well as a flobberworm. I don’t relate well to people. The frustration you are feeling now is not exclusively yours. Many others have felt it before you, and many more will afterward.”

Amelia had run out of words and lost the ability to meet Aden’s gaze, turning toward the door again and letting her eyes become unfocused. It was the most she had said at one time since Aden had entered the bathroom. Hell, it was the most she had said at one time in recent history. But all of it was true. To Aden, it might be sad or disheartening, a waste of his time. But no matter what his response, Amelia knew what she had said was the truth. The disappointing, but honest to goodness truth. It was not a path most would choose, but it was the one she had paved for herself. Was it lonely? Perhaps. Was she safe from emotional pain? Yes. And it was that definitive answer which prevented her from turning back to question the decision she had made long ago, the decision she could neither explain nor justify to someone like Aden. Sometimes, she had a hard time justifying it to herself.

Aden felt extremely mad about his outburst, but he didn’t feel like she had treated him right, right there he had obviously been making a solid attempt to be her friend, yet she still gave him her practiced dull impersonal responses. Though Aden couldn’t imagine that the way he acted just forced her to feel better about the way she had acted. Aden had been very immature, and was worried about doing the same thing again. Aden watched as she failed to make eye contact with him, and he sure it was her backlash at him because of his previous brash attitude.

Aden kept the glaze look of disillusionment and confusion smirked on his face, and then it slowly degraded into a look of despair as she talked about the way she was not in. Aden could not help but to think that the way she described herself must be the way she wants herself to be like. Aden had not seen anything that supported what she was saying in all the time he had been with her. Aden surmised that the only reason she was like this was because she did not put herself out there. It was a shame though cause in Aden’s opinion she dressed right, she had great conversational skills, and Aden wasn’t really frustrated with her he was more frustrated at himself for lacking the ability to make Amelia to rust him enough with a real response.

Aden was dismayed that she lacked the self-esteem to see herself for what she really was. Aden pushed off the wall that was behind him so that he propelled towards her. “Well Amelia none of what you said is true, except maybe the flobberworm part. You dress just fine although I don’t know all that much about how you should dress, but I like the way you dress. You are a conversationalist while it may not be the subjects everyone wants to talk about there are always people out there who will want to talk about the same thing.” Aden said with a sincere look of caring on his face. Aden moved a bit closer where his face was almost touching her’s.

“As for a friend I know that you have one for a fact, because I would consider myself one of your friends” Aden whispered just before leaning a bit further in, and kissing her softly on the cheek. The kiss could be viewed in whatever way that Amelia wanted. Aden swam past her to the edge of the pool, once he was there he glanced back at her before he place his hands on the pale white marble. Aden lifted himself out of the golden pool. Aden made sure to make no attempt to look back at her he wanted to keep her guessing. Aden grabbed his stripped clothes off the floor trying to strictly think about that rather than any of the things his mind was reeling about right now.

Ade reached the door, but felt that he shouldn’t leave on that note. “For your information, Amelia I think that Flobber worm is great at small talk.”

Amelia could feel Aden’s eyes on her, even though she could not see his face. She kept her gaze firmly trained on the door to the bathroom, the one which Aden had stepped through earlier and likely would have left through immediately if she had not taken the bait he offered. None of this would have happened if she hadn’t encouraged him to stay. Why had she done that, anyway? It was completely out of character, especially for her.

It was the taunt, Amelia assured herself, referring to what Aden had teased earlier. If she had just had the sense of mind not to rise to what he had said, she would never have been in this situation. Aden wouldn’t have had to deal with her temperamental personality, and she wouldn’t have managed to ostracize yet another person. It was not so difficult to be ignored by people who knew nothing about her; it was easier that way to assert that she was alone by a combination of choice and circumstance. When she pushed people away, like she was doing to Aden now, she had no one to blame but herself. This was by choice.

It’s the right choice. It’s the right choice. Amelia reminded herself, reciting the mantra as if its repetition would make it more true.

Aden placing himself in her line of sight was likely the only thing he could have done to get her to look at him by this point, seeing as she had receded so far back within her own personal fortress. She had to blink twice to bring him into focus, looking him in the eye but not really seeing him. She could hear what he was saying, but she didn’t believe it. How could she? Aden knew so little about her - her own fault, she knew – how could he know what she was or wasn’t?

Amelia knew Aden was trying to make her see herself in a different light, but despite his valiant efforts, it just wasn’t that easy. Just because Aden wanted to see her as something different didn’t make her different. This cold exterior, the practiced and impersonal responses – this was as much a part of who she was as her freckles or red hair. It was her method of defending herself from outside influence, from becoming dependent on people. Even if Aden believed himself to be one of her friends, they both knew it wasn’t true. Amelia made it too difficult.

Why can’t I be easier on him? Amelia wondered, knowing the question would be rhetorical because she couldn’t answer it. Even in situations when she recognized she was being difficult and distant, Amelia could not force herself to change her behavior. She had put up the walls to keep other people out, but, a lot of the time, they just ended up trapping her in.

Amelia said nothing after Aden professed himself her friend, which apparently Aden took as her goodbye. He had a rather different way of saying his goodbyes, the kiss on her cheek enough to pull her out of her personal reverie. It was just about the only thing that could have done it. Aden did not wait to see her response, but her hand came out of the water and pressed onto her cheek, just where Aden’s lips had been a moment earlier. She was in such a state of shock at his action that she said nothing as he got out of the bathtub, simply floating with her hand pressed to her cheek and her mouth open.

Has no one heard of personal space? Amelia’s mind was screaming, outraged at the kiss. But the words never made it to her lips. Somewhere, there was a disconnect between her thoughts and what her body would consent to saying. Although her rationality and logic would rant and rave, her body was simply refusing to act, and in her current state, Amelia was in no state to play referee between the two.

From somewhere near the door, Amelia heard Aden’s voice, but it took her several seconds to realize that he was talking to her. After another few seconds to pull from her subconscious what he had said, Amelia finally turned her head toward Aden, where he stood at the door with his clothes in his hands. Her mind was a torrential rainstorm of rational versus instinctual, giving her no aid in thinking of any response to what he had said.

“I guess it’s all relative,” she said, her voice sounding vaguely disconnected, this time not because she was forcing it to be that way but because she had legitimately lost her ability to think clearly. Everything that had happened in the past hour or so was simply overwhelming her.

“Goodnight, Aden,” she said, focusing this time to sound present. She hadn’t meant to offend Aden, but it was an unfortunate byproduct of her need to protect herself. She did not want to watch him leave, knowing that she had pushed away yet another person, but to admit that to herself would have only added to her already devastating level of brain-addling.

“Good luck in the first task,” she finished, raising a hand to wave goodbye. It was the best she could manage.