My Eyes Adored You

Things had been, understandably, grating on Mai's nerves. Regardless of the fact that Theodore had made it seem like they were fine, she didn't feel like she could fully believe it. She felt that she had touched on something that, reasonably, might be one of his fears when it came to his daughter. It hasn't been fair, and she knew that. She knew it the moment she heard her voice echo in her ears, lingering there and shaming her more deeply than she had ever imagined she could feel. It didn't help, of course, that the moment had been an incredibly important and terrifying one. But the whole thing had brought up a fear that lingered more deeply within her than even that of her worries about Connor and his well-being.

She had always wanted someone to look at her the way Keiran had looked at Millie when he didn't think anyone was watching. As though he couldn't control how much he loved her, and it just escaped, even in a moment of silence. Mai didn't think it was possible to assess Theodore's feelings just from the way he looked at her. She didn't think she could make a fair conclusion on her own, and she didn't at all want to know, now. She didn't want to know if he once had, or if he didn't anymore. Especially not that. The last thing she wanted was to somehow become completely aware of the truth of the matter.

That was part of the reason why she could simply take it no longer. She had to go see people at the Ministry. Had to go out and do something. Theodore had work, Esme was being looked after, and Mai found herself walking the halls of the Ministry with Connor in tow. Rather, she held onto him, her eyes widening slightly every time someone came up to coo over him. She wasn't over that fear-of-germs stage by any means, but he was generally too content to snooze that he didn't seem to notice too much.

She wasn't really thinking about it much, if she were being honest, but suddenly she blinked and started paying more attention to her surroundings and found herself... in front of her office. Mai hesitated, uninterested in seeing the massive stack of papers that had likely been left on her desk. But she glanced down at Connor and found that he had dozed off again, so she figured a minute or two of looking couldn't hurt. Steeling herself for hours of work, she reached out and pushed the door open.

"He's so cute," Scorpius heard a female voice coo from right outside the door to his office. The wizard frowned up at it, because his silencing charms really should be taking care of that. He'd have to remember to renew them before he left for the day.

"I know, right?" a second voice returned, and Scorpius barely refrained from rolling his eyes. Honestly, did the interns really have to stop right outside his door to discuss the hot guy from the Misuse of Magic department, or whomever it was today?

"Do you think Mai needs a babysitter? He's way cuter than my little nephew," the first voice queried and okay, that changed things. Mai was here, with her baby. That was... well, Scorpius wasn't sure how he felt about that.

Before the man was even aware of what he was doing, Scorpius had already set down his quill and was half-way to the door. Pausing for just long enough to run his hands through his hair, Scorpius crossed the remainder of his office and slipped through the door.

"Excuse me," he announced, slipping by the two interns positioned right next to the entrance to his office. Striding down the hall, Scorpius couldn't help but to send a quick irritated glance over his shoulder at the two gossipers. Sure, they may have given him information he appreciated, but he usually hated having to listen to gossip whilst he was trying to work.

Finding himself at the door of Mai's office much faster than he'd anticipated, the man took a single deep breath and exhaled slowly. Reinforcing his occlumency shields, as he was sure to need the assistance keeping his emotions in check in the next few minutes, Scorpius knocked on the door before him. Once upon a time he would have strode straight in, but thing were different, now.

Her office was, more or less, exactly how she had left it. There were a few notes from co-wokers who had probably asked Ms. Cabot to leave them in for her, but Mai only glanced at them before her attention was drawn away to the folders that were literally spilling off of their pile and onto the rest of her desk. Dismay took her features and she had several thoughts at once:

First, it registered that she was in for late nights, as though she hadn't had enough of those lately. Why was it that Connor was so very capable of sleeping during the day, but had absolutely none of it at night? Second, she noted that she would be in the office more, and perhaps wouldn't have to deal with wondering if every gesture and every look Theodore gave her was genuine. Sure, she wanted to believe him, but the guilt she felt made that seem impossible.

She reached out with one hand, but thought better of it and looked over to the chair sat against the far wall. She took out her wand and did what she could to transfigure it into a little safe nook where she could rest Connor while she looked through things. Settling him down, she moved back to the desk and had just picked up the first of the files when she heard a knock at the door. Mai jumped, glancing over at her son - my, but that was still a new concept, wasn't it? - but he didn't wake.

She decided to hold onto the file, thinking it might be someone come to see why the lights were on when she wasn't meant to be at work, and crossed the room. Although she had prepared a smile for whomever it might have been, she hadn't expected him. Her lips parted in surprise and she actually backed up a step after opening the door and finding him there, the file held in front of her chest almost protectively.

"Um," she began finally. Gathering herself up, she lowered the file until it hovered in front of her middle and she clutched it with both hands despite trying to appear calm. "Do you need something?"

In truth, she was proud of how casual she sounded, how she appeared almost pleased to see him, but not enough to make it seem like she had been hoping he would come by. She hadn't been, of course. But she was play acting, and somehow doing a rather good job of it. Maybe it came from hours of pretending like she wasn't afraid of what Theodore might think of her.

"Hi," Scorpius managed to get out, wondering, not for the first time, what it was about this woman that made him loose the effortless smooth-talking he was known for. Although, no, he knew exactly what it was.

"No," he stated a moment later, realizing that Mai had asked him a question and his greeting hadn't exactly answered it. "I just wanted to see you, talk to you. Say, um-" Scorpius' eyes flickered away from Mai only to land upon a baby. Her baby. Her's and... Theo's. Right.

"Congratulations. On the little one," the blonde said, almost mechanically. Squinting his eyes at the baby, Scorpius attempted to recall all the baby-related etiquette his mother had drilled into him years and years ago. "He's adorable," Scorpius told the mother, surprising himself by actually meaning it. Looking back at the baby, the man took a second to puzzle over his own honestly. He'd never liked babies, they were squirmy and screamed and rarely even looked like they'd grow up into something with proper human proportions. Perhaps because it was Mai's? Mai's... and Theo's, can't forget that part. That part was important. The second Scorpius allowed himself to forget that, well. It was a good thing he wouldn't.

He spoke and Mai felt her breath leave her of its own accord, as though the very sound of his voice would have drawn a reaction from her even if she hadn't known he was there beforehand. What if she had been caught in the hallway? Merlin knew how badly she would have acted, how quickly she would have spun around to look for him. Catching herself thinking about it, Mai felt like she was betraying Theodore a bit just for standing there and wondering.

Her right hand took hold of one of the fingers of her left one, glancing down for a moment as she toyed with it before looking back up at him. He seemed unsure of himself, which Mai couldn't blame him for, but it was so unlike the man she knew before the Marriage Law. If it wasn't for the Ministry, they could've been-

Mai cut herself off, telling herself not to go there. But she worked in the bloody Ministry, didn't she? That irritation could never go away as long as they both worked there.

She turned her head slowly, following his gaze to Connor over in his little pillow nest. "He is," she agreed without thinking. It actually puzzled her why people offered thanks for a compliment when it came to their child. Congratulations, your genes mixed nicely and the kid is cute. She cared far more about the sort of person her son would be. In the same way, she cared about Esme, and felt all that much more responsibility for the child that was not technically hers. Theodore had heard her say as much before.

Mai looked down at her hands again, her eyebrows pulling together. "Um," she attempted, stepping out of the doorway to allow him room. To allow him into the room. What Theodore would think about it, she couldn't say. She only knew that the first time she had ever spoken to Theo about Scorpius, she had been drunk and depressed, and it had changed everything for her and the man who became the father of her child. And he was a brilliant father. So why was she still stuck?

Rather suddenly, she turned and moved to stand in front of her son. "Do you... Would you like to hold him?" She offered. Mai had no idea what made her suggest it or so much as consider it. "His name is Connor," she added belatedly, feeling foolish for failing to mention it before.

No. No no no no. It was a bad idea. Holding the baby was such a bad idea. Would be such a bad idea. Scorpius had never been a huge fan of small kids, but he'd always known he'd have a family one day. He'd never had to hope for children, because it had been a given. Of course he would have kids. Anything else wasn't even an option. But right now, holding Mai's child? Holding Mai's child and looking up at her, and maybe she'd be smiling? That was the stuff of daydreams. Daydreams from months and months ago that Scorpius would do well to forget. He should thank her and tell her he had to go and leave before he did anything stupid or rash-

"Yes," slipped out of the pureblood's mouth before he could stop himself. Not that he had truly wanted to stop himself. If he hadn't wanted to, he wouldn't have said it. Damn mental conflict not listening to logic and reason and instead following something else entirely. Something that definitely wasn't his feelings or emotions because Cesca would give him so much shit.

Stepping properly into Mai's office, Scorpius approached the child. "Connor," the man echoed, "good name." And it was. Not a pureblood name, or something he would have chosen, but a good name none-the-less. Of course it was. This was Mai.

Standing beside the baby's transfigured nook, Scorpius immediately found himself at something of a loss. The last baby he had held was Cesca, and that had been well over ten years ago. "I seem to require a little assistance," Scorpius admitted as smoothly as possible, holding out his arms for Mai to place the baby into.

Her gaze had dropped during his moment of consideration, but her eyes flicked back up to his, slight surprise washing over her. True, she had asked for this. But it hit her immediately how furious Theodore would be if he knew. It was crude as hell to say it, but Connor would never have come about were it not for Mai's drunken anguish over Scorpius's return. It wasn't that she was upset that he had come back so much as she was frustrated at how they had interacted upon his return. What would have happened if she hadn't been attacked? If he had told her before he left? If she had written him after Albus saved her voice?

Mai couldn't even begin to imagine. She wouldn't take back her little boy for the world, but Merlin she had to wonder. She knew that she would receive a distinct lack of approval from Theo after today, but she had been afraid of that already. He seemed to be over her slip of the tongue, but things like that? They didn't just go away. They lingered until something snapped. She hadn't the foggiest what she would do if he hadn't forgiven her like he claimed.

She loved him. She did. But she hadn't really had closure as far as Scorpius was concerned. She didn't want to believe that things wouldn't have happened between her and Theodore without him. She didn't think that was necessarily true. But it certainly hadn't hurt their situation.

He looked positively confused, staring down at her son. When he confessed what the problem was, she let out a relieved laugh. Mai hadn't been sure at all what the concern might have been, but it wasn't nearly as bad as she had imagined.

"Sure," she agreed gently, pushing away thoughts of Theodore's anger. So she leaned down to lift Connor out of his little burrow, careful about his head. It hit her too late that, in order to pass her son over, she would have to touch the man in front of her.

Merlin... Oh, help.

She hid her anxiety from him as best as she could, though, and stepped forward. Mai's heart leapt as the backs of her arms brushed across his extended hands, but not in the way she expected. It was the fear that her child could very well be dropped in the exchange if they weren't aware of themselves. If she let herself remain distracted.

That part of her life had to be closed off if she wanted to move forward with the new things. With the new people. That's why, when she finally stepped back and let Scorpius take charge of Connor, she looked down at her little boy and searched for the Rookwood within him. The dark eyes were a dead giveaway, and she didn't doubt that her son would grow up learning to throw looks that would rival his father and cousin Keiran, and that he would either be heartbroken, or a breaker of hearts. Or both, perhaps.

Her throat felt like it was closing up, and she had to step further way, using the edge of her desk as a crutch. It could never be her and Scorpius, now. And that was okay. She knew it was. But would it really always be her and Theo? Mai glanced down at her hand, where the band and adorning jewel rested, curling around her finger. That hand lifted to her mouth to stifle the pained noise that thought about escaping.

Turning her back to her ex-fiancé, she gripped the desk tightly, first with one and then with both hands, before finally deciding that she had to tell someone outside of their usual group. Someone who wouldn't relay it back to Theodore, even on accident.

Just... someone. Even if it was insane to go sharing secrets about Theodore to the man who had previously been the cause of her fretting as Theo now was.

"I don't think he can forgive me," she expressed. "I said something stupid. On accident. But he says it's fine and I know it isn't true." Tears pricked behind her eyes and she didn't bother trying to pretend otherwise. "It's just a matter of time, really. I've ruined things again."