My Dear Sweet Hitame

Brian felt a little bit odd carrying the big bouquet of flowers. It did not help that he was wearing clothes he was most certainly not used to wearing. When he heard Hitame was sick he had immediately planned to visit her but he had to wait for his parents to take him. If it had been up to him, he would have sprinted to the hospital the day he found out she was sick, but his parents forbade him from doing so. The waiting was what killed him the most because he knew how sensitive Hitame was and he had a feeling she might think he had forgotten about her, but he thought about her every single day. He bugged his parents until they finally relented and they agreed to take him to St. Mungos.

He was dressed in the nicest dress clothing he could find and his father took him to a flower shop so that they could pick out a nice bouquet. His mother, who was stricken with the same illness everyone else seemed to have, decided she could not go out because she felt too weak. Brian felt terrible for her, but he felt worse for Hitame. He, also, had been experiencing some of the symptoms of the illness but he tried not to think about it. The cough was annoying but nothing that would slow him down, especially from getting to Hitame.

Despite how foolish he looked, he trudged through the hospital, flowers in tow. He tried not to acknowledge all of the sick people who were around but it was hard to avoid. The moans, the coughs, and even the few people sobbing as he passed by disturbed him a bit. He wondered if he was going to get like that and if they would ever find a cure. It was unspoken, but both his father and Brian knew that their mother was much worse off than they let on. She would be at St. Mungos soon enough, but again, it was something he did not want to talk about.

It took a little bit of searching, but after awhile, he finally came to her room. He stood outside the door for a few moments, the familiar feeling of butterflies washing over him, and he prepared for the worst. He knew she was not going to be looking the best but that was not why he came. He came because he wanted to make her feel better, even if only a little bit. He took a deep breath and then he pushed the door open carefully.

He saw Hitame and his heart dropped. He hated seeing her in that bed and he knew it was going to make him feel awful. Instantly he wished he could find a cure for the illness and make her feel better. Or maybe there was a way he could take on her sickness and she would be able to visit him in the bed. Many thoughts flew through his head but he had to shove them all away. He had to be strong so that she would feel better. His father had always told him that positive thinking was key, so he thought happy, thinking of her doing better.

"Hit?" He said gently, approaching her bedside slowly, making sure she realized who he was. "It's Brian. I know it took me a long time to come and visit you but I came as soon as I could." He smiled weakly, trying to keep his brave face on. He lifted the flowers that he had brought up so that she could see them, not that it would be hard, they were huge. "I brought you a gift.... It isn't much but I hope you like them." He sat them down beside her bed and he grabbed a chair and he pulled it up close.

"How are you feeling?"

She had been feeling worse and worse every day. Even with all the treatments she'd been giving, the thirteen year old seemed to be getting worsrle and worse with each passing day. If you just looked at her she seemed fine, but that was because her worsening condition had nothing to do with her physically. No it was her mind that was being messed up. HHer body was getting better and that was great, but what could a she do with a healthy body if her mind wasn't the same? She'd just end up hurting herself or someone else that was close to her.

No one was really sure what was wrong with her. Even the healers were a little baffled. But it was everything that had happened to her in her life that was finally just coming back to haunt her. All the voices that ran through her head were making her go mad. And it didn't help that she was stuck in the hospital room all day. No one was there to take her mind off of these things and it made her angry. Her temper had gotten worse since she arrived at St. Mungo's and she was easily angered over everything.

A few moments before Brian had arrived she had gone through another moment of insanity where she heard her mother's screams again. She'd screamed for her to stop many times and her hands always flew up to her ears as if to block the screams. When her mother had finally stopped screaming, Hitamé heard the door open. Her eyes flew open and slightly widened eyes narrowed immediately. She stared st Brian as if not recognising him and she said in a cold yet soft voice, "Don't you knock?"

When he said his name and explained what had taken him so long to visit her, she felt her cheeks begin to burn and they turned a pink rosey color. She hid her face immediately and mumbled, "I'm sorry." into her arm. "I didn't mean to be so rash ... and rude." she murmered softly. She lifted her facenfrom her arm to find him holding flowers up for her to see. She felt her cheeks burn even more as she stared st the flowers. She watched him put them down beside her bed and she smiled a little at him. "Thank you." she told him softly.

"I'm ... fine." she struggled to find the right word to say. Of course she wasn't even 'fine's at all. Hearing her mother's screams and dreaming about both her parents's deaths was anything but her being fine. "But I could be better." she sighed and smiled sadly at him. It was obvious that something was wrong with her even if her exterior looked fine. Her rash had been calmed down greatly and though it was still making her arm green it didn't itch as much. "Anyways, how've you been doing?" she asked him, trying to get her mind off of her most recent dream.

He did not respond when she asked if he knocked, and instead, felt a bit ashamed for coming in without knocking. He still had no idea how she felt about him or if she even knew how he felt about her. They had shared a moment once, by the lake, and he thought about that day often. He wished he could have stayed in that one moment for the rest of his life, but alas, it was not to be. Now he had to sit by her bedside while she was sick and he could do nothing about it. He felt helpless and he hated every second of it.

When she apologized he formed a reassuring smile on his face. He did not want her to think she upset him, how could she, there was nothing she could do to upset him. He wished he knew how to say things to make her feel better but he always found himself stumbling over his words whenever he was around her. "Don't apologize, it is OK." He said, nodding his head and keeping the smile on his face. He wanted to reach out and grab her hand, but he could not do it, he was too afraid.

He noticed that her cheeks were flushing at his comments and it made him a bit nervous also. He could feel hi s face blushing up as well and he wanted to hide it under his shirt, but he had gotten so good at hiding his nervousness, that he felt it go away quickly. He had gotten much better at being around her now, what with the hours of standing in front of a mirror to get it right. A lot of the other Gryffindors laughed at him and joked about how he was madly in love, but he ignored them, not wanting to impress them but Hitame instead.

When she asked how he was doing he did his famous blurting out the first words that came to his mouth instead of thinking things through. "I will be better once you get out of here." He could not help it, his face turned instantly red and he sat back in his chair, wondering how she would take it. He meant what he said but he felt weird saying it. "I hate seeing you like this is all." He had already come this far, he might as well say what was on his mind.

Her mind was still running back to her dreams, even as she heard him speak. There seemed to be a message In th dream, something her parents were trying to tell her, but she wasn't sure if it was from that moment when they were being killed, or if they were trying to communicate with her somehow. She needed to find a way to speak to them ... Somehow, but the question was how she was going to do that. They'd been dead for seven years, since she and her sister were six. But she had to know what that dream meant. Hitamé had a feeling that it had to do with her biological parents, but she wasn't sure if she wanted to find out if it had to do with them.

"Still I'm sorry." she mumbled. She hated being even more on edge now than she usually was. It was annoying, she always found herself screaming at or threatening someone who came into her room. She had even screamed at Naomi before, and the girl hadn't even done anything to her. She'd just come into the room and Hitamé had gone off and screamed at her for no reason. Like usual, Naomi had cried and ran out, leaving hee alone to wallow in the pain and regret of everything that had happened, in that moment and in the past. She sighed softly, as she slowly came back to reality.

Being in her thought, had made her blush go away and her cheeks were back to their light pale color, that clearly showed she was sick. A cough ripped though her throat and for a moment she though she tasted blood. It made her panic for a moment before she realized that it was probably nothing. Covering her mouth, she let her coughing finish before she tried to do anything else. Because of her coughing, she hadn't even noticed that he had begun to blush as well, and she leaned back in her bed after she finished.

She was caught completely by surprise as he answered her question. Her eyes widened slightly as she stared at him and she, again, felt her cheek burn. They turned an almost crimson color and her mouth accidently opened a bit, though it seemed like she was going to say something. "That's sweet." she felt herself smile kindly at him. "I didn't think anyone actually cared about me." she muttered softly. She'd always beeb on her own before, with the exception of Naomi, so she'd lost any confidence on thinking others actually cared for her.

He felt terrible when she began to cough and he could do nothing but look at the ground and listen as she struggled through the whole thing. He hated it, hated it so much, but there was nothing he could do. He felt so helpless and wished there was something he could do to make it all go away for her. She did not deserve to feel like she was right now, she had already been through enough, and Brian would have traded anything to make it all go away for her.

When she was done he returned his gaze to her, a sad look on his face, not that of pity but of sadness. His demeanor changed, though, when she told him that what he said was sweet and he could not help but put a small smile on his face. He realized that he had to be strong for her so that she knew she at least had someone who cared about her. It would be easy to just wallow in sadness and cry about how there was nothing he could do, but what would make Hitame feel better was if he was always looking positive and thinking positive.

When she mentioned that she did not think anyone cared he did not speak for a few moments. He had often fantasized about how he would express his feelings for her. She had to know that he had a crush on her by now but he had never told her. He never thought it would take seeing her laying in the St. Mungos bed to actually tell her how he felt, but even before he spoke, he knew he was going to tell her. He needed her to know that no matter what there was at least someone who cared about her.

"I care Hitame...." He started slowly and shakily. He always imagined it coming on some bright sunny day after a picnic or by the lake, not like this, but it was what it was and there was nothing he could do. "I have always cared and there has not been a day that's gone by where I do not think about you. I hate seeing you like this more than anything. If I could do anything to help I would. If I could just take all of the sickness, the pain, the memories, everything that hurts you and make them my own I would in a heart beat." It all came out very quickly and he knew he sounded ridiculous saying it, but it was too late now.

"If the whole world was against you, if every single being that was alive was against you, I want you to know that I would still care about you."

She hated hospitals, a lot. They always had this aura of pain, sorrow and death, and it made her sick. Maybe that was why she felt like she was going crazy. The aura of the hospital made her feel that way, and it had been that way since her parents died. Even though she had never been a hospital when they died, everytime she came near one, it just reminded her of their deaths and she didn't want to remember that. It only made her sad and then she started hearing their screams, every word they had told her the day they died replayed many, many times, in which she felt like she was being tortured.

It was even worse than when Barker was torturing her. At least there she had the pain he caused to keep her mind off of her memories. But now there was nothing to keep her mind off of that, the memories were the only things she had, and remembering everything that had happened to her was really taking a toll on her. A faint scream sounded in her ears, and her breath was caught in her throat. No, not again ... No more screaming ... Brian's voice sounded softly through her memory, and she followed the voice out of the darkness of her mind. She needed to get away before she went crazy trying to get her mother to stop.

I care ...

The first words she heard when she came out of her memory, thanks to Brian. Her dulled eyes suddenly got their color back, and she stared at him, wide-eyed and confused as his words sunk into her head. Everything he said, sounded like something that for her, would be considered a fairy tale, as Muggles called it. She'd never had anyone tell her those things before, and before she could help it, Hitamé felt tears well up in her eyes. She'd always been oblivious to everything everyone said, including what they said to her about him.

She knew that he'd had a crush on her, and she felt the same. Or at least she thought she did. Hitamé wasn't sure, she hadn't ever felt anything like that toward anyone, she always told herself she couldn't. Everything about her life would only put others in danger and she couldn't allow that to happen, so she always distanced herself from any and everyone. The tears that had formed in her eyes began to roll down her cheeks and she tried to smile at him. "Thank you." she told him softly. "Thank you for caring ..."

He was not sure what to do when she looked at him and started to cry, so he did nothing but sit there. At first he felt a little weird, but he kept telling himself that he had to be brave. Maybe she was crying because of something he said? Maybe it was because he thought he was pathetic and did not feel the same way back to him, whatever it was, he could only force a smile on his face and be there for her. He was prepared for rejection, why would someone like her like him back, so he waited until she said sorry Brian but I just do not feel the same way.

When she said thank you he felt a little something in his chest. He had hoped that she might reveal that she had feelings for him or tell him that she cared also, but deep down he knew she wouldn't. He also half expected her to tell him that she was sorry and that she only considered him a friend, but the thank you was enough.

"I have cared since I first met you Hitame. From the first moment I saw you..." He stopped himself, he knew he was getting a little too deep with what he was saying and he did not want to scare her off. He put his hand up on the bed for her to grab if she needed too. "I will stay here for as long as it takes for you to get better. Every day until you are fine again. Every day until I see you smile beautifully again. I will not leave you until you are better. I promise." He smiled again.

Maybe it was time. Time for her to begin to act her age, to let herself be a normal girl for once. Maybe she could finally try to be one with the help of this boy that sat at her bedside. She felt her tears reach her neck and she began to try and wipe and the tears from her face and neck. She didn't know what else to say to him after she said thank you. Her mind was still half way between the real world and the world of her memories. Now it was more of a defense mechanism than anything else. Her mind had been wired to block out anything that could cause any kind of strong emotion that could be potentially dangerous for her.

She wondered if he expected her to say something back to him. To say something about her feelings toward him, but she wasn't sure if she could. She didn't know exactly how she felt about him, love was a feeling that she had never felt as a girl; a woman if you will. It was a feeling that she had felt as a sister, an overprotective older sister, that only had her younger sister with her. So it was hard for her to know what love actually felt like, but the feeling in her stomach wasn't anything bad, it felt like butterflies in her stomach. Maybe this was what it felt it? She really had no idea, but she wanted to find out.

Her cheeks turned a bright red as she heard everything he said. When Brian put his hand on the bed, she stared at it for a moment, hesitating in what she should do. Slowly though, she moved her hand from her side and she gently placed it on top of his. She smiled at him, and said, "Thank you Brian." before she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek lightly, barely a ghost of a kiss.

When she reached to grab his hand he could feel his heart dropping. He thought back to when they had embraced by the lake and how happy he had been when that happened and now it was about to happen again. He did not know why but even the smallest of touches from her made his heart skip a beat and when he felt her hand on his he thought his heart was going to jump out of his chest. The beating of his heart could be felt all the way up in his ears and he could barely think.

Then, when she leaned in and kissed him, the feelings intensified. His heart, already beating fast, began to pump faster than he thought possible. The only thing he could do was smirk goofily and he dropped his head down and he looked at the floor. He could not explain why but that simple act by her made his entire world spin almost out of control. It took every bit of effort he could muster to wipe the goofy smirk off of his face and look back at her.

He could only stare at her for the next few moments, emotions flowing through him like never before. It was not until he started to calm down that he realized she was still sick and dread washed over him again. For a moment he became angry, angry at the stupid sickness that was crippling her, and angry at himself for not being able to do anything.

He squeezed her hand tighter, not too tight, tight enough for her to know he would not let go. He smiled again, trying his hardest to make her feel comfortable. "Is there anything I can do to make you feel better? I will do whatever it takes to try and make you feel even the slightest bit better." He smiled and he reached forward with his other hand to move a strand of her hair from her eyes. "Don't be afraid to ask me for anything, OK Hitame?"

Hitamé stared at him and blinked a couple of times as she saw his reaction to her kiss, before she found herself giggling a bit at the reaction. She found it funny that a small kiss, like the one she had given him, had caused him to act like that. She covered her mouth as she giggled with her free hand and smiled behind her hand. She was sure now, she was sure of how she felt towads him. She knew now that she really did like Brian, she liked him a lot. She just felt bad that it took him having to see her in St. Mungo's to say how he felt towards her.

"You're a silly boy, you know that right?" she half teased him. "But I like that. You made me feel a lot better than I have in a while." she smiled at him. She looked down at his hand as he squeezed it tighter and she sighed softly, squeezing it back a bit. She was still a bit weak from everything that had happened from her being in the Hospital Wing at Hogwarts to being here in St. Mungo's, but she was happy that he was there. The smile she gave him now, was one that she hadn't given anyone since her parents died. She rarely smiled or laughed anymore since then, and now Brian had made her do both those things with a simple reaction to her action.

She closed her eyes as he reached up to move a strand of her hair from her face and she breathed softly, trying to keep herself calm. She gave his hand another quick squeeze and she continued to smile at him. "Just stay here with me." she said softly and simply. "That's all I need right now. I don't want to be left alone here anymore." she told him, she didn't want to think about her parents anymore, for as long as she could. Their memory only brought her pain, she felt like it was her fault that they were dead. She felt that she could have done something to help them, but she had only run away instead of helping, even though she really couldn't have done much.