all the pain is here... I can't hide it

It's the first day since she was tortured that Hitame has come out of the Gryffindor common room. She had stayed in the girl's dormitiories for a few days, feigning she was sick, when in reality she was just depressed again. After Barker did what he did to her she didn't want to do anything anymore. She was his pet... his toy. She was going to have to do anything he wanted, anything to keep Naomi safe... she had too. Naomi had to be kept safe, no matter what happened to her, she promised it before her parents graves and she was going to keep the last person she loved alive.

She walked out of the entrance hall, and immediately closed her eyes as the wind hit her face hard. Her hair flew back and gently dropped down her back and over her shoulders. She opened them again, and sighed. It was another day, anotheer day where she would be terrifiedd if he gave her detention again, to torture her again. She didn't know what to do, if she told someone about what happened Naomi would die, if she kept it in she would be tortured, probably close to death.

Slowly, her head deep in the clouds, she walked down to the lake. She was going to visit the only friend she had that wouldn't do anything if she told it what happened that night in the dungoens. Sure it was an animal, but it was lonely, it didn't have any friends no one visited it. She was going to visit the Giant Squid that inhabited the lake. As she approached the lake, she broke into a slight run, and she threw herself onto the grass, and gave a small three note whistle, letting the squid know she was there. It had gotten used to hearing that, and it knew that it was Hitame who was calling it, so it came out of the water slowly and reached it's tentacle for Hitame.

It must have noticed something was wrong with her, because it drew back and stared at her. She stared back and opened her mouth after a while. "You know there's something wrong don't you?" she asked it, and it nodded. She didn't say anything else, she didn't know if it was the right thing to do, and then she thought, It's an animal, what harm could coe of telling it?

"I will catch up with you guys later!"

He waved at his friends who pleaded with him to go with them down to the Forbidden Forest. They had an unusual infatuation with the place and no matter how many times Brian told them it was useless to go down there, they always kept going. He had to admit, the first couple of times they had nosed around down there he had expected to encounter some magical creature like a Centaur or something spectacular like that. But every time they went down there they were met with disappointment.

He tucked his hands in his robes and he pulled the hood up over his head. He was one of the few of his friends who actually became cold in the fall and winter time. His friends would often brag about how they could stay out in the cold for days while Brian often found himself wrapping up in as much of his clothing as he could. He often adorned multiple shirts and a jacket, and was even known to wear a small jacket under a bigger coat along with his robe.

The wind was strong today, but he pressed on because he loved being outdoors. It was rare he got to be alone and he rather enjoyed it. He loved hanging around people but sometimes it was just nice to clear his head. A strong gust of wind picked up and blew his hood back off of his head and messed his hair up. He grumbled and he pulled the hood back onto his head aggressively, not worrying about his hair.

He had not been roaming around long, maybe five minutes or so, when he noticed someone by the lake. It first caught his attention because, during this time of year, people mostly avoided the lake. Some older students would often go over and study or walk beside it, but it was rare to see a younger looking student sitting by the lake. He was tedious at first, not wanting to go over, but after a little coaxing he started to trot over.

It was not until he was right upon the person that he noticed who it was. The familiar feeling of dread crept into his body that came along with being around girls he was attracted to. He knew Hitame, he had stared at her many times from across the Great Hall dining tables, but he had never worked up the courage to actually speak to her. Thus was the case for most of the girls he even had a semi attraction to.

He wanted to turn around and walk away, but he knew he was too close now. He had to say something, but instead, he was standing there like a weirdo with his hands in his pockets. He took a deep breath and he approached her carefully, noticing that she looked kind of down. He was usually good at picking up on emotions so he noticed it right away. Then, his eyes opened widely as he noticed something peculiar.

"is that the squid!?" He proclaimed very loudly, not really meaning to, but the surprise and excitement took the best of him. "That is so cool!" He proclaimed, instantly forgetting that Hitame was even there. He looked upon it with admiration and excitement, but then he was brought down to earth when he noticed Hitame out of the corner of his eye. "Ah... erm... sorry I did not mean to interrupt you just looked.... lonely?"

With her hand half extended to meet the squid's tentacle, the squid retracted it's tentacle, and Hitame retracted her hand, as the exclaim that came from someone behind Hitame. She quickly jumped up and turned to face the person, and the squid went back down into the lake. Her jacket's collar fell back down, and exposed the cut on her cheekbone, she looked over her shoulder, and saw the squid had gotten scared and it had dove back into the lake. She felt anger boiling inside her as she saw that this boy had scared her animal friend. "Oh now look at what you did!" she exclaimed angrily at him. "You scared the squid away!" she added angrily.

The cold wind that blew past her in that instant made her hair blow up and forward, over her shoulders, making her seem even more angrier than she really was. Once the wind ceased, her hair fell back down and her cut was once again exposed. She gave an anger huff, before she realized who she was talking too. It was one of the older Gryffindors, Brian. She had seen him around alot, seeing as how they were in the same house and in some of the same classes, but she had never really talked to him. It was rare that she ever talked to anyone.

She relaxed a little, after the realization and she felt her cheeks burn of embarrassment. Her cheeks turned red and she gave a small embarrassed cough. She turned away from him a little for a moment and noded toward the lake, telling the squid that it was okay for it to come up. After a moment of waiting it came back up and splashed a little bit of water in Hitame's direction playfully. Hitame jumped out of the way a little but she was still hit by some of the water, she gave a small surprised yelp and the squid actually managed to get her to smile, even though it was very small.

"Oh thanks alot!" she told the squid, wiping off as much water as she could from her body. "You're going to get me sick again." she added, and the squid seemed to give a shrug and it went back down under water. "Bye!" she exclaimed after it, waving as she did so. She looked back at the boy who was looking in admiration to the squid and she frowned for a small moment. "It's alright. But I wasn't lonely." she told him, her smile completely gone, from the interruption of the boy making the squid leave. "I did have the squid to keep me company." she added softly, lowering herself onto the ground again.

She pulled her jacket's collar over her cut again, and now she felt ashamed, it was pretty obvious and she was sure that he had seen the cut. She was sure he would ask about it, and she wouldn't know what to respond. She couldn't tell him about that night, that terrible night, when Barker threatened her with her sister's death if she didn't do what he wanted. She lowered her head a little into her collar and she sighed heavily.

Brian could feel his cheeks redden when she scoffed at him for scaring the squid away. He was unsure of how to react so he just stood there looking foolish and confused as she tried to call the squid back. He debated just walking away, without saying anything at all. He pictured himself turning on his heel and just sprinting back to the castle, running up to his room, and hiding in his comfy bed. He wanted to smirk at the thought though, that would be ridiculous.

He shuffled his feet as she talked to the squid. He felt a little awkward because she seemed to be able to communicate with the squid. He was unsure how, but he had heard that some people were able to talk to animals. He did not believe it though, and he quickly tossed the idea from his head. Still, there was no other way to explain how she was friends with the Giant Squid, a legend to first years for centuries.

The squid went away again, and this time she spoke to him again but in a more soft voice. He began to try and calm himself down, but for whatever reason, he was embarrassed and nervous. He could not help but notice a cut on her face. He would have blown the whole thing off, but she seemed very tentative about it and there was no doubt she was trying to hide it. "Well I guess I am just not used to seeing people hang out with a squid." He smirked and then took a few steps closer, trying to break the uncomfortable feeling he had.

He stood still for a few moments, trying to think of something to say. He usually never had a problem starting conversations, but around girls he liked, it was the worst. "So how did you and the squid become friends? Your parents know each other or something?" He smirked slightly at his own joke, but he realized it was probably not even that funny. He wished he could have taken it back, but he could only apologize. "I am joking..." He said, turning away and looking out to the lake.

Could he be any more awkward?

Hitame lifted her head a little from her jacket's collar and she sighed again. "No one's used to seeing me hang out with the squid." she said softly. "Most people don't even believe I can speak to it..." she added softly. She looked at the lake again and hid her face again. She lfted her hand to the cut on her cheekbone and she winced. It didn't hurt when she touched it, but it was the memory that came with it that caused her pain. She quickly lowered her hand and turhed back to the boy, her collar pulled up over her cut.

He stepped colser to her and she couldn't help but take a step back. She had to distance herself from anyone who could find out what happened to her. That meant that she had to distance herself from everyone... even her own family. She hated being scared... being weak... but she had to do this, for Naomi's sake. She was still to innocent and she had so much to live for, and Hitame wasn't going to let that be ruined by Barker. She simply wouldn't allow it, never. She looked at him sadly, not knowing that she was staring at him that way. She couldn't tell what she did anymore, and that could give away her emotions.

He began to speak and she felt her chest tighten, she was certain he had seen her cut and that he was going to ask what had happened to her. But he asked something else and she put her hand on her chest, sighing. "I don't know really... We just became friends, it was lonely and it said I was the only one who came to visit it often." she explained softly, inching away from the boy. He said something about parents, and she immediately winced again. "I don't have parents." she said rather defensively and she sighed sadly.

He said he was only joking and she tried to force a smile, but her emotion remained the same. She stared at him with no emotion and she sniffed softly, pulling her jacket closer to her, suddenly feeling the cold wind passing by her. She tried to ignore it, and the wind blew her hair up again, making it flow down over her shoulders again after the breeze passed.

She flinched when she approached him and he felt his cheeks fluster faster than he could control. This one single movement created so many emotions in his head that he did not know what to do. All of the sudden his entire body began to feel like mush and standing seemed almost impossible. He wanted to lay down more than he ever had in his entire life, but he kept himself standing. He would not faint in front of her, he refused.

He began to calm down when she started to talk to him. She mentioned that she could speak to animals and he became intrigued all the more. He could feel the weirdness beginning to wash away, but it had come so quickly and so fast that it was hard to recover from it. He noticed that she was still trying to inch away, and he felt it start to come back. He could not decided why she did not want to speak to him, but he did not care. He had to do something to make her feel more comfortable, and to make himself seem less like he was going to pass out.

"Sorry to hear about your parents..." He looked to the ground feeling really sadness for her for a few moments. He could not imagine life without his parents and he could not even begin to comprehend what it was like for her. He noticed the scar again, but he felt like he could not ask about it.... not yet. She did not trust him at all. "If it makes you feel any better I think it is awesome that you can speak to it... and I believe you. If I could talk to the squid I would be down here every day." He gently rolled a rock over with his feet. "I just think it has to see a lot of cool stuff down there ya know?"

He could still feel that she was feeling a little uneasy beside him. His mind was drawing blanks and he could not think of anything to say. "My name is Brian by the way." He said sticking his hand out slowly. "I only came down here to.... ah.... keep you company. I am not trying to do anything bad. That sounds bad when I say it.... what I mean is I am just trying to be a friend... if you need one that is. If you don't I can just leave. But, if you want, I can stay and just talk.... or listen.... its up to you really."

He felt his cheeks burning horribly now. His nervousness had kicked in full force and he just kept talking without regard. "Sorry... I just get a little nervous around...... erm..... pretty girls?" He wanted to die. Just then, he wanted to bury his head into the ground and never come back up. He turned slightly, almost ready to sprint away, but he wanted to see what she said.

As the breeze ceased and her hair settled on her shoulders, Hitame stared at the ground and gently dragged her foot in a line on the ground in front of her. She sighed and slowly looked up at Brian, her bangs covering her eyes. She felt awkward being so close to this boy, this boy she hardly ever even talked to. Who she hardly realized was even alive till now. She continued to stare a thim through her bangs, feeling her breathing become a little calmer.

"It's alright..." she responded softly. "It doesn't matter to me anymore... they weren't very good people, and I didn't like them anyways." she said, refering to her real parents, and not the adoptive ones. Her real parents were foul, and cold blooded, killing any and everone that stood in their way. She hated being the daughter of a couple of murderers, who even though they were forced into becoming Death Eaters, did every single thing they were told, including give their two daughters up for adoption. She blinked back tears that had begun to well up in her eyes, and looked at the ground again.

"Thanks... It's a pretty cool gift to have." she told him softly. "...I guess..." she added even softer. 'I'm always down here, mostly because the squid is the only one I can trust..." she said. No one has her trust anymore. After what happened the year before, and now with what Barker did to her, she became completely distanced from any or everone she knew. She hardly ever got near someone, and when she was near a person it was because they approached her, not because she approached them. SHe sighed heavily into her jacket and looked down at the ground.

He introduced himself formally and she wiped her bangs out of her face quickly before reaching out to take his hand, not realizing it was the hand that Barker had stuck his knife through. "Hitame..." she said softly, quickly shaking his hand and when she noticed her hand had the scar from his knife on it her eyes widened and she retracted it quickly. Her sleeve fell over her hand and she hid her hand behind her back, making it even more obvious that something was wrong with it. "You don't have to leave if you don't want..." she told him softly.

When he said that he got nervous around pretty girls, her head shot up quickly and she forgot about the cut she was trying to hide, and she stared at him, her cheeks beginning to burn. "You think... I'm pretty?" she asked stupidly, her head sinking back down into her jacket's collar again. She could still feel her cheeks burning and she was sure that most of her face had went from pink to red now.

Brian could not imagine what it would be like to not like ones parents. He loved both of his parents and had never once even thought about hating them. He knew a lot of people complained about their parents but he was ignorant to bad homes or parents being bad to their children. His parents had always been there for him and he could not have imagined his life without them. So naturally he wondered why she did not like them, but he thought it best not to pursue the topic.

When he shook her hand, he noticed another scar, which raised his suspicions even higher. Where had all of the scars come from and was someone hurting her? He instantly became like a detective and wanted to solve everything and make sure it did not happen again. If there was one thing he hated, it was bullies, and if someone was doing this to her he would find out who and put a stop to it.

Hitame. He knew her name, but the way she said it was just... magical. He could feel his eyes starting to glue on her, becoming infatuated. He shook his head and then wondered if she had noticed it. He quickly looked away but was forced to look back when she asked if he thought she was pretty. He felt his cheeks go red and he had to look at the ground. He could feel his stomach starting to churn and the familiar feeling of not knowing what to say took him over.

"Errr....." He did not know how to respond. He kept shouting the words YES OF COURSE YOU ARE in his head but he knew not to do that. "Well yes.... you are very pretty. Don't you think so?" He wished he did not ask the last question, it sounded awkward but he could not take it back. "I mean, you are prettier than most of the girls around here...." He laughed awkwardly and then looked away, feeling like an idiot.

"At least to me...."

The wind began to pick up again and all Hitame did was look down at the ground, thinking about Aqua and Terra... her real parents. It wasn't fair that she was born to them, but she could handle it. The one that she was worried about was Naomi, she couldn't handle terrible news like that. Hitame had made it her mission to keep this from her little sister, and she was afraid of what would happen if some day, Naomi found the letter that their mother sent Hitame. She blinked back tears that were welling up in her eyes and looked up at Brian again, her eyes already red even though no tears left her eyes.

With her hand still behind her back, she looked at the boy through her bangs, biting the inside of her lip. She was marked... she was Barker's toy, she had to do whatever he told her... Or else Naomi would die, and she would sure follow her little sister. Her head began to hurt as the events of that night played yet again in her mind, and her hands automatically went to her head, holding it tightly, wanting the scenes to stop. She shook her head and the scenes began to fade, but the pain remained... making her feel lightheaded.

She felt him watching her, and she felt uncomfortable. She shifted awkwardly in the spot where she stood, and looked down at the ground again. She knew he wanted to know what happened to her, now that he saw her scars, but she couldn't trust him... she couldn't trust anyone. She couldn't... she wouldn't... put Naomi's life in danger by telling someone the events that occured during that night she had detention. She noticed him shake his head, and she sighed in relief, believing that he was trying to stop staring at her. It would make her feel better if he did... she didn't want him staring at her like that...

He said she was pretty and then asked if she didn't think so, and quickly Hitame shook her head no. Of course she didn't think she was pretty, not after everything Barker did to her. She had scars everywhere now, her face, her hand, her shoulder, and her stomache. She felt the pain from his knife in her stomache again, and she let out a small scream, falling over on the ground, curling up in a ball form, cradling herself, wanting the pain to go away again. She didn't want to feel it anymore... she didn't want to feel anything anymore... no more pain...

She did not say much after he last spoke, so he stood still and did not speak. Thoughts began to swirl through his head. Maybe she just wanted him to leave? Was he annoying her? He could not tell, she seemed like she was frustrated with him being there. He was not really good at getting reads on people in the first place, and she was even harder to figure out than most people, so it was really stressing him out.

He wished that girls were just straight forward with the way they felt. It was obvious the way Brian felt about girls and most people could tell right away. His friends often would laugh about how he reacted around girls, but he could not help it. He just became terribly nervous and did not know what to say.

His thoughts were interrupted quickly as he heard her let out a scream. He flinched backwards and widened his eyes as he looked down on her. She was balled up and holding her stomach and she seemed to be in a lot of pain. Brian was unsure of how to react. First he wanted to run and get help, but he threw that idea out. He could not just leave her there. Then he was stuck wondering what to do. He did not know how to heal, and he was horrible at making people feel better with his words.

Instead of thinking to much, he just went with his gut reactions. He took two giant steps and then fell to his knees and hovered over her. "Errr...." He stammered, trying to figure out how to handle the situation. "Hitame are you OK?" He said loudly, reaching out to touch her but then retracting his hand not wanting to hurt her more. "What's wrong? How can I help?" The words were just shooting out of his mouth.

He decided maybe rubbing her back might help. So his hand instinctively shot out and he began to gently started to rub her back. "It's going to be OK." He lied to her, unsure of what was actually even happening to her.