foolish reasons we live for

The day had been sparse really, lacking in everything that their days in Hogwarts were so full of. There were few laughs, very little in the way of mischief and the cigarette breaks were lonely and awkward. Elliot had retreated to the library a number of times that day - sometimes out of loneliness and other times to get out of the way of his irritable sister who had seemed more perturbed by Trent’s absence than she had been with his presence. Elliot couldn’t pretend to understand his sister - or any other girls for that matter - but he understood, however vaguely, the relationship she had with Trent and he’d noticed the bizarre change in their behaviours on the train, the fact that it had continued through into Hogwarts was more than a little worrisome. He had asked Millie but after she threatened to punch him - again, she reminded him - he thought it best to back off. Honestly, Elliot had no idea how to broach the subject with either of them. They were both as stubborn as each other and neither one, he was sure, took him seriously. Okay so maybe he was ‘that friend’ but he figured he at least deserved a little bit of respect - if only a little bit.

At dinner, Elliot found himself sat across from a burly guy from the Quidditch team and his girlfriend, Sarah. He had no idea where Roxi and Byron were. He could see Sam and Chloe at either ends of the table but he wasn’t brave enough to go and sit with them. So instead of making a choice that would have made him happy, he resigned himself to the fact that he’d be picking at his dinner while listening to the inane chatter going on around him. They tried to include him into the conversation oddly enough. The burly Quidditch player identified himself and those around them that boxed Elliot in. The Quidditch player, Graham, introduced Sarah last. Elliot already knew who she was, though. Out of all of them he knew her and she seemed to remember him, eagerly abandoning her plate of mashed potato to offer him her hand which Elliot was unsure whether he was supposed to kiss or shake. Though the former was an attractive idea, the fact that he was surrounded by blokes that were not only possessive of her but considerably larger than him made Elliot rethink his potential actions and reach for a shake instead.

The loud guffaws from the boys grew in volume as they began to make bets and send each other off to flirt with a poor unsuspecting Hufflepuff that was supposedly starved of attention. It was when the pair were placed in a bubble where they couldn’t be heard above the noise that Sarah finally said hello. Never one to be able to carry himself well with girls, Elliot bluntly asked her how she put up with Graham; though he was careful not to use his name for fear of alerting the player and getting a bruised face for his troubles. His mind scolded him immediately for his boldness but she didn’t seem nearly as affronted as she should have been. Instead she laughed, said he was cute and gathered up her books. She popped a kiss onto Graham’s cheek and whispered words that went unheard into his ear before pushing away and striding out of the hall, leaving Elliot’s jaw on the table.

Okay, so perhaps she was a little hurt by his words. Or was she? Was she? He didn’t know. Part of him wanted to ask but he had dug a hole with her, found water and was now drowning in it. It did not bode well. He’d apologize later, he reconciled with himself. Much later.

Without Sarah, Elliot was feeling incredibly out of place. Names did not lend to the familiarity Elliot wanted. He wanted his friends, not the blockheads he’d found himself with. So he quickly finished his potatoes off and threw his bag onto his shoulder before excusing himself and leaving the hall. There would be no detours; he wanted to go back to the tower. There it would be safe, at least for a little while. Perhaps he’d even check on Trent. If his absence suggested anything that day then it was that he certainly hadn’t gotten out of bed that morning. Why, Elliot didn’t really know but he needed a word with him. Perhaps he’d actually ask him about Millie. It had gone on for long enough. They needed to be inseparable again. The natural order of things needed to be restored. He was sure there was some way they could kiss and make up and then be friends again. He was sure they could do it.

He really had no idea.

Trudging up the staircase, Elliot readied himself for the pity party of one he was about to join. It made him grimace to have to do so but he figured Trent could use the company. He’d even gone as far as to grab a couple of muffins - one blueberry and the other chocolate because he wasn’t sure which his friend would prefer - to make sure Trent had least had something in him. However, what he saw upon opening the door was not the pity party of one. No, instead what he saw were clothes littering the floor. Elliot frowned a little and blanched at the sight of the underwear but what made him stall though was not the clothes but the bag that was by his open trunk. From it spilled the contents of assorted junk, cigarettes and fire crackers and in that instant Elliot knew exactly who was in the room with Trent. His whole body froze up and his grip on his bag, the food and the books under his arm faltered, sending it all crashing to the floor.

A gasp punctured the air and his eyes flickered to the bed to see the last of his sister’s blonde hair disappear underneath the sheets of Trent’s bed. Elliot’s eyes narrowed and his face flushed crimson as the anger burst within him. “Get out.” He hissed, his tone far from the light one that both Millie and Trent were used to hearing. Hesitantly, Millie’s head popped out from underneath the sheets, her eyes wide and desperate for forgiveness. For once though it wasn’t her who he was angry with. No, it was much better. No, he wanted Trent’s head on a pike at that moment because Seamus certainly wouldn’t be prepared to do that job anymore. It was Elliot’s job to look out for her and he’d taken that task without so much as batting an eyelid. He had to keep her safe and safe included keeping her away from people like Trent. Friend or not, Millie came first and Elliot knew what Trent was like with girls. He’d been relayed the tales of mischief many times before.

“Elliot...chill...its fine,” came Millie’s attempt at placating her brother.

“No it’s not fine.” Elliot replied darkly, his murderous gaze snapping to Trent. “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t just kill you now.”

Trent had clearly no inkling at all as to what to do if someone was to come up and into the dormitory, as if he believed the space to be privately his and Millie's. Before, it was the ignorance put in place from the alcohol and the spliffs. Then, it became the ignorance put in place from a mind that was completely wrapped up with Millie. From sniffing at the girl's hair, Trent trailed his lips down to her forehead, slowly but surely searching for her lips again. He really could not count himself as having enough. An encore was needed. Suddenly, though, the girl's head shot away, down under the covers. Puzzled, Trent was about to reach for her with his hand under the covers, before his eyes saw what she must have noticed before him, since he was too oblivious to anything else that did not concern Millie.

Trent froze at the sight of Elliot. Of all people to enter the dormitory first, it had to be the boy who's sister he had just ... had. It was far from being good. Trent could add yet another event of disappointment that he had inflicted on someone else. It was kind of a big deal, really. For all of Elliot's annoying ways, the boy could be a good friend, most of the time. He just lacked tact, that was all. Elliot still had a heart for him and for Millie.

Now, though, Trent was sure that that heart had been lost for him. After all, Elliot knew his ways well. Trent had consistently boasted about his conquests with girls during the holidays, as if he was collecting them like trophies instead of respecting them as individuals. And although Millie was so different to Trent, the fact was never told to Elliot. After all, whoever went to tell your good mate that you desired his sister? Even if love was mentioned in the mix, it could merely remain awkward. And so, Elliot was surely misunderstanding this incident. Besides, Trent and Millie were starkers under the sheets. With Elliot in the room now, it sure felt odd.

Millie popped back up from under the sheets at Elliot's demand. Trent was trying to think of what to say. He was stunned, both by the situation and by the anger that the other boy was channelling. The option of moving or shifting was not available, since to do so might reveal a little more flesh of either of them. Sheets can never quite be trusted all the time. Trent was ready with an apology, although there was no way to explain or reason himself out of this. Before he could say anything, though, Millie began to speak, an attempt to calm her brother down. Still, that failed. Trent swallowed the ball of saliva that had got stuck at his throat.

"Ellliot, bro, I ..." Trent squeezed his eyes shut before opening them again. His attempt at being extra friendly had come out like a failure. Trent stared at Millie for a moment, as if imploring her for help. But no, Elliot was bearing eyes of fire into him, and he knew he would have to come up with something on his own, since the other boy wanted his answer. "Ell, I would have told you. I mean, not this. I mean ..." He bit his tongue before he continued. "Well, I was upset. Nuh-uh." Everything failed. Trent thought that the only possible answer he could offer was a confession, but to make it was also to accelerate his confession to Millie. Still, desperate times called for desperate measures.

"Ell, I'm sorry. I wouldn't have. I shouldn't have, I know, I know. I just ... it's been awhile ... no! Not the way you're thinking it. I meant, it's been awhile, I l---." He paused. "I think, I mean I know ..." And after the torturous stammering he had effected, he said it. 'I love her." Trent wanted very much to slam his head against the wall at that. It was something he did not even say when love was made, but now he said it in a moment of fear of his friend's wrath. Besides, it sounded lame, his sentence of seeming justification. Still, Elliot had asked for a good reason, and Trent had offered him the truth, and the best. It was just a matter of whether the other boy believed him. But he had to explain, just in case. "It's not what you think. I mean, it looks like it. But believe me, Ell, it's not what you think. It's better, its ..." And there he lost his words again. Trent shifted uncomfortably. He wanted very much for Millie and him and be out of bed and dressed immediately, but not with Elliot standing there like that.

The idea that Trent would want to sleep with Millie baffled Elliot. He didn’t mean that detrimentally to Millie because he’d had strong words with a number of gentlemen in the past that had proved that his sister was a lot less than the innocent flower Elliot liked to think she was. He’d gotten over that because he knew she was not a child anymore and it was normal to want that kind of relationship with people. With Trent though...no, that had never come up - from either of them. They’d grown up together. Elliot had assumed Trent’s feelings for Millie were much the same as his - that of a brother. Siblings didn’t do that though and that was why Elliot was so livid. He felt betrayed, having convinced himself in those moments that Trent had always leered over Millie and had waited for his chance to have her. Now his wish had come true and Elliot hated him for it. Deep down he knew that that wasn’t the case but for now that would have to do because the urge to punch Trent was building with every word he stuttered out.

When his admission fell into the air, the gravity of the words hit Elliot like a wall of ice cold water. He took a step back, his eyes widening to a size that looked unnatural for his face. The more fanciful part of Elliot’s mind was telling him that Trent meant it in the most platonic sense possible. But then that cynic that was fanning the flames raging within Elliot reminded the Gryffindor that such acts did not occur within a platonic relationship. He couldn’t, could he? The earnest, honest look on Trent’s face told Elliot exactly what he didn’t want to have to realise. His friend, his childhood friend, who they’d grown up with, was in love with his sister. For a second, Elliot’s heart leapt; glad to know Millie would be looked after. Then, though, his mind reminded him of all of the summer trysts with girls whose names Trent could barely remember that were regaled during the first few weeks of them being back at Hogwarts. It happened last year and Elliot was expecting it this year too. Those trysts were the problem.

“That doesn’t make it better, Trent!” Elliot snapped at his friend, his mind cleverly storing away the years of friendship so he could focus on his fury towards the other boy. “That’s my sister not some slutty little Muggle from Camden! She is not yours to mess around with! You don’t know the meaning of love, Trent, and I’d rather you didn’t use my sister to find out what it is!”

Elliot’s wand burned in his pocket and he tore the Sycamore wand from where it was sat in the event he needed to use it. This was classed as one of those times though Elliot couldn’t decide whether to shrink Trent’s balls or just slice them clean off. He didn’t want to hurt Trent really but how else was he supposed to react? What protocol was there when one of your best friend’s has sex with your sister? Was there any? Elliot’s head began to ache as the weight of the situation began to really come down on him. He’d never really been caught off guard by those two when they were by themselves. When they came together they were terrors but Elliot could deal with it. This though....this was too much.

“Do you really mean it?” Elliot asked, his eyes softening slightly, though his wand never lowered. “Fuck and walk away from anyone else, Trent, but not Millie. Never my sister. Merlin just....grow up would you? It’s not fair.”

Trent had hoped that Elliot would at least be reasonable if he found out about Millie and him. Now, though, that hope seemed so unlikely. Still, Trent was not to merely sit where he was, and be chided in such a manner. It did not matter whether he was in the wrong or not, he never took too well to reprimands, as if he believed no one had the right to do that to him. His parents, he tolerated. After all, they were his parents. Annoyed, Trent pushed his way out from under the covers and stood glaring at Elliot, before reaching for his boxers, and slipping them on. First of all, he was upset that he was robbed of a chance of cuddles with Millie. Or at least, some part of his mind was, since he would be too embarrassed to admit it. However, what incited him to get out of bed was the other boy's accusations. Of course, Elliot's concerns were reasonable, but Trent was not a reasonable boy. He was thoroughly offended by Elliot's claim that he did not know the meaning of love. For whatever reason, he wasn't sure.

"She's not just yours! She's not yours at all! You've been a jerk to her too, and I've never raised my voice against you for all of those times. Now, this is my business with her, you have no right." He snarled, unreasonable words coming out from him, fuelled by annoyance. When Elliot reached for his wand, Trent thought about his, which was clearly resting under his pillow. As much as he wanted to reach for his wand, he remained rooted to where he was standing at, because one can never know what a wand and anger behind it do. Trent kept his hands still, and eyed Elliot cautiously, while listening to what he said. What was it, an ultimatum? A rule? Trent hated them. Elliot was setting some rule for him, and even if that concerned what was a promise also to Millie, he did not have the character to agree to it outrightly.

"Dude, it's no big deal man." That was not a wise thing to say, not at all. Trent was clearly asking to be murdered. "What's the problem? You've known other bastards who've slept with her before, and I've never seen you running after them, hurling curses." The thought was painful for Trent, though. He wished he had got to Millie earlier. There would always be a past of her that he would never have. Some random stupid had taken it, and now Trent felt like he wanted nothing more than to kill those other boys of Millie's. After all, besides being selfish, Trent was a jealous boy. He never had to share his belongings at home. Trying to keep his new anger on that issue away, since the primary concern was now with dealing with Elliot, Trent continued with a smug tone in his voice, despite it being a bad choice. "We can decide for ourselves, and we both wanted it. You should just go run along with your missy." He had clearly not learnt to put his ego down. It was not brave, it was stupidity. Perhaps, if he did not feel like Elliot was undermining him, even asking him to grow up and out of whatever he had been doing, Trent might have let his guard down a little more. Still, one can never fault Elliot for being the big brother now.

Supposedly, Millie lived for the rush of an argument. She adored the battle of wits, for sure, but there was no room for her voice amongst the elevated ones of the men whose words were making little sense as they tumbled into the air. Her opinion of the matter seemed to mean very little to them and that suited her down to the ground. While they bickered between themselves, Millie could indulge in a cigarette and what was left of the Firewhisky that she’d pried from Trent’s hands not so long ago. The familiar taste on her tongue allowed her to block out the nonsensical words flying around the room; Trent trying to backtrack and Elliot still pushing to accuse. Millie sighed and shook her head at the pair. She reached over and tore the lighter off of Trent’s beside table and within a few seconds her cigarette was lit. Resigning herself to the fact that she’d have to listen to their nonsense, Millie laid back against the pillows, the ash tray in her lap, and let her lazy gaze fall to the boys.

“She’s my sister!” Elliot burst, the grip he had on his wand tightening evermore, “and therefore one half of me. I have every right. It is my duty to protect her and you....no, no...I refuse to stand by and watch while you carry on with what you deem your business until you tire of her! She’s not a toy that has been designed for your amusement and yours only! She can’t be thrown away when you’re finished with her. No, I won’t allow her to be hurt that way. She’d just as cruel to me as I am to her but that’s how siblings are, Trent. At the end of the day, we stand by each other and we would pull each other out of the way of a speeding Bludger. In this case, that’s you.” Elliot brought his wand that tiny bit higher.

Millie bit her lip at Elliot’s words, unsure whether to take what he was saying or stand by Trent. The latter didn’t seem to make his case quite as well, though. Elliot wanted to protect her and that was the first time in a long time he’d said it, touching that fear that she’d be left alone once their parents finally deserted them and assured her that that wouldn’t be the case. Elliot would always be there, that was what he was trying to communicate. What he was also trying to communicate is that he didn’t trust Trent to do the same. He could only just trust him as the brother. To ask Elliot to entrust his sister in a man that wanted to be her lover - a man with a little black book filled with names of conquests - was asking too much. He couldn’t do it. He simply didn’t trust Trent enough. He knew what he was like and that was the hesitance. Had it been one of the other boys Elliot would have only been marginally happier. They all had their vices, women being one of them, and that was what was wrong.

“Oh of course it isn’t a big deal!” Elliot retorted, his voice dripping with disdain. “After all she’s just a casual shag isn’t she? It’s not as if you’re my friend and she’s my sister is it? Nope, not at all. I dealt with those bastards under my own steam. Hurling curses isn’t very conspicuous. I trusted you, Trent! You were the one of the few people I trusted to look after her and you’ve thrown it back in my face. I refuse to watch her fall in love with you, only for you to break her heart.”

Millie sighed and threw her legs over the side of the bed. She put the cigarette between her lips and reached over for her underwear that had been discarded with no real regard for where the material land. Millie slid them up her legs, only rising to pull them into place. She tossed the sheets back and took the cigarette from her lips. She put it down in the ash tray and wandered around to the other side of the bed where her bra lay. She poked her arms through the straps and frowned, realising that she still couldn’t quite clasp it together without looking. She crossed the room to where Trent was and stood in front of him, her back to him.

“Clasp that would you?” She asked gently. Her eyes dipped up to Elliot and she smiled at him. “I’m not a little girl anymore, Ell, okay? I love that you care but please let me make my own mistakes. You can’t protect me forever. Just...go downstairs and relax. It’s fine. Please?” Elliot blinked, his face softening a little at Millie’s request. He nodded and she smiled brightly at him before stepping away, with the intention to pick up the rest of her things. Elliot put his wand in his pocket and turned around, reaching down to pick up his bag. He dropped it onto his shoulder and paused. And then in a split second decision, he whirled back around and threw his fist at Trent, just as he’d intended to.