limping from the aftermath

She fought the urge to use this as a teaching moment. To say and if I don't accept your apology, are you going to call me a bitch? But she didn't say this. She wasn't a vindictive person, she was much too tired to be lashing out. She didn't want to punish him.

She took two long steps to fall into stride alongside him. She wanted to challenge his assertion that he did not know the right thing to do, but she innately understood that there was only so much a person could take in a short amount of time.

"Dyllan really knocked you out," she said, her voice light as she glanced sidelong at him, hoping he could at least joke about it. "You better have the matron check for a concussion, that was wild."

As Alex glanced over at Lily, he couldn't help but wonder why she was still pushing him. "Did it really look as bad as it felt?" he asked, feeling a bit sheepish. He knew that concussions were a serious matter, and he didn't want to take any risks with his health.

He let out a small sigh before offering, "Are you sure I can't just wander around the halls until Lupin forgets about me?" Despite his attempt at humor, Alex knew that it wasn't a practical solution.

"Maybe worse," she suggested. "She got some air first, and that elbow looked pointy."

"Definitely not," she said, as though it were a matter of fact. Truthfully if he decided to run off, it wasn't like she'd chase after or force him. "Especially if you're not going to take a pain potion either."

After a moment, she added, "I'm sorry your parents haven't said anything."

Alex let out a resigned sigh and reluctantly agreed, "Alright, let's head to the hospital wing then." He didn't have the energy to argue anymore. With a weak and half-hearted smile, he added, "Unless you want to beat me up first?"

As they walked together in silence towards the hospital wing, Lily spoke up again. "Don't apologize for them," he said firmly. "They haven't changed in the last fourteen years, and they're not going to change now." he paused for a moment before adding, "They even got rid of the nanny."

His words hung heavy in the air, and Alex felt a twinge of sadness. I

"I'm still considering it," she quipped back, her eyes forward though her cheek indented in the ghost of a smirk.

Again, she found some part of her inside desiring to be cheeky, to say something along the lines of 'see how easy it was to apologize though' even as he diverted her sympathy. But her Potter fire did not manifest in emotional outbursts but rather emotional endurance. It might be satisfying in the moment to snap or clap back in the moment, but it often came at the expense of what one actually wanted. She may have the smallest desire to punish Alexander for some of his choices but, more than anything, she wanted him to change and grow.

Being snotty to him would not help.

She let his words hang in the air for a moment, trying to decide what was helpful. Finally she said, "You know... I don't see my Mum much either. It's a different situation, of course, but I do think no matter how much your parents disappoint you or don't show up or aren't who you need them to be... Even if you get used to it, it still hurts when they aren't there."

As they made their way towards the hospital wing, Alex stole a quick sideways glance at Lily. "Why not just do it and get it over with?" he asked, his voice low. "I'd rather be hit than talk about our parents. Physical pain is much easier to handle than emotional pain. Once it's over, it's done. Physical discomfort is easier to forget," he added, his words laced with bitterness.

She lifted her hand, balling her fingers into a lazy fist that she jokingly shook, before letting it drop to her side. Merlin, she was not good at jokes. Leave those to James.

She felt a chill in her bones at the sudden shift towards physical pain. He didn't know, of course. No one knew. Not even Teddy. Teddy knew she needed extra healing around the full moon, of course, but he didn't know about all of the extra-curricular pain management. Sure, some of her peers had noted she'd become more sickly in recent years, more prone to missing class or to looking pale.

"Not always," she said softly, thoughtfully. It was a rare moment she forget her pain, even the phantom ones. At this point the pain was a constant reminder, a buzzing in the back of her head. The potions brought relief briefly and then as the day wore on the buzzing turned into a swarm, begging for her acknowledgement. Begging for her to succumb.

They had reached the hospital wing. She paused outside. "You want me to go in with you, or do you want privacy?"

Alexander stood before the door leading to the hospital wing, feeling a sense of apprehension wash over him. He turned to face Lily and asked hesitantly, "Are you sure you'd want to come in with me?" He couldn't help but feel like she, like everyone else in his life, would eventually abandon him. The thought weighed heavily on his mind, making him question whether anyone truly cared for him or if they all secretly despised him.

She stared at the boy across from her.

There were parts of him she understood. Now that she had penetrated some of his walls, there was a palpable loneliness that she could feel from him, a defensiveness that more than explained his inability to just take the rage of the people he had hurt. He had no one to model his behavior off of. When her mother had stopped showing up as a parent, Lily had at least had three (albeit imperfect) brothers that she could look to as some model of what was right.

But it didn't excuse anything either.

She glanced towards the door and sighed, before crossing her arms. "I'm in the hospital wing at least five days a month," she started slowly, trying to figure out just how much she wanted to say. "That's on a good month. There are days I should go, and I don't. And when I do, I dread anyone coming in. I don't want to explain, I don't want to pretend to have the energy to keep up small talk but mostly... I don't want people to know how bad it is."

She paused. "Getting better is, frankly, an embarrassing process. There's shame and weakness and vulnerability. But I have to hope it's worth it. Even so, I know from experience, sometimes you want someone to go in with you, other times you just want to close your eyes and shut everyone out."

She's gotten a little far from the point so she sighed. "Anyway, that's all to say, you're not the only one with some issues. And that I wouldn't have offered to join you if I didn't intend to follow through either way. I just wanted to give you the option."

Alex couldn't quite grasp what Lily was trying to convey, and he wasn't about to pretend that he did. "I'm not going to hold it against you if you don't want to come in," he said, giving her an out. "But if you do want to, I won't stop you." Without waiting for Lily's response, he pushed the door open and made his way inside the hospital wing, where the matron could take a look at his condition. Besides Professor Lupin wouldn't be too far behind and would probably end up trying to expel him.