We're leaving but we never leave

"I don't understand why I haven't been out her in so long.. This was the only place I could get away from everything. Yet lately, all I do is lock myself up in the dorms."

Hitame sighed and laid down on the cool green grass that had groen after the snow from winter melted and spring brought the grounds back to life. It had been a while since she was out here the way she was, just laying there taking in the beauty of the grounds she would so dearly miss during the summer. She wished she could stay there, stay in the castle for the summer so she wouldn't have to leave it. As much as she missed Sophia and evrryone else, HitaNótame enjoyed her time at Hogwarts, even if there were some rough times.

Okay, so it wasn't just some. There were a lot of rough times in her life, at Hogwarts, everywhere in general. The only thing thst was making her summer seem bright was Sam. Since Sarah decided to give Nick another chance, the two of them could be together because she was sure theyd be matched with one another. Even if they weren't, they could get married or whatever Sam wanted to do before their matched marriages had to happen. It wasnt like there was anything against that, and they fit the requitements for the law.

Watching the clouds pass by, Hitame smiled to herself. She was content with how things would go during the summer, but one thing kept bothering her. Naomi. Her sister still hated her and she didn't know what to do about it. The girl didn't seem like she would forgive her for something thst wasn't her fault. The Gryffindor shook her head. Now wasn't the time to think about that, she could worry about it later. Right now she judt wanted to enjoy the last days she had in Hogwarts before it closed for the summer.

Another year gone. Another year wasted in terms of proving herself, achieving something worth showing to her Father. Anastasia had devoted her childhood to escape the shadow that she was trapped beneath, she was just as much a Nott as her brother and sister but did her Father care? If he did than he didn't seem to show it.

Ideally Ana would have liked to have arrived back at their Lancashire Manor with a beam on her face, one hundred percent in all her exams, perhaps an announcement that she'd made the quidditch team. Really though, no matter how hard she would have studied Anastasia wasn't the most naturally intelligent girl and the Gryffindor team was already packed out with top players in the older years. Perhaps next year she'd try out, practise over the summer holidays with Ally and Alexander? That's if they would, they rarely gave her the time of day anymore.

'Hey, Hit.' Ana greeted, plonking herself on the grass besides the older Gryffindor and looking across the water, eyes squinting because of the sun. 'I can't believe I've done three years already.' Ana sighed flicking a ladybird, which had landed on her finger, away from her. Raising a hand, to shield her eyes from the sunlight, Ana took Hitame's features in.

She was smiling, that was nice, pleasant, refreshing. As of late Hit had been a bit crestfallen, somewhat sad about something. Ana had a feeling she knew why. Naomi. The Gryffindor hadn't wanted to press too much into Hitame's problems but the older student had shared a few details with her.

Ana didn't say anything, she simply smiled. Hit was happy, her surrogate sister, the girl who'd helped her out in her first year when Ana felt as though she had nobody for Alexander and Ally hadn't been interested enough to help her get to grips with Hogwarts. Maybe this summer wouldn't be so bad after all, or perhaps it would, but if Hitame was smiling then Ana could too even if it killed her to say goodbye to Hogwarts.

"Hey Ana." Hitame greeted lightly, not taking her eyes off of the sky as she heard the younger girl speak and sit next to her. It didn't take much for her to recognize people's voices, especially when they were the voices of people she liked. Normally, the Gryffindor would have liked to be alone, but Anastasia was always an exception that Hitame made. The girl was one of the few people that were still close to her, and she wasn't exactly sure why.

Not that she was complaining, but Hitame would have thought that after she made new friends, she would practically forget about her. It wouldn't the be first time something like that happened to her. It seemed to always happen with her friends, they always seemed to leave her behind.. And without her knowing about it too. One day they were there and the next they were gone and didn't say anything about it to her. The last person she expected that to happen with, though, was Naomi.

Too bad that she had to be wrong.

Remembering that Ana was sitting next to her and she hadn't said anything else to the younger girl, Hitame cleared her throat and finally looked away from the sky, propping herself up on an elbow before turning to look at the girl. "You're doing good Ana. There are some people who don't even make it as far as you, if not just another year before they drop out or something." she said softly, her gaze dropping to the ground as she thought about her sister.

She was getting used to the idea of Naomi not coming back to her, but it didn't really matter anymore. She had Ana now, the girl was more of a sister than Naomi would ever be now. And Hitame had promised to protect her since her other siblings didn't seem to want to be around her much. Even if Ana didn't notice her, Hitame had been watching how she interacted with her brother and sister, and she had noticed how they sometimes ignored her.

"Imagine how I feel though." she said. "I just finished my fifth year, I'm out of here in less and two years now." She sighed softly, and realized that when she graduated Anastasia would be alone for two years before she was able to leave too. The older Gryffindor shook her head to get the thoughts out of her head and said, "How was the year for you for the most part?"

Ana smiled. It was always nice to hear praise from someone, especially somebody that she looked up to like Hitamé. The Gryffindor sometimes go so wrapped up in trying to impress her family, aiming to uphold to such high expectations that she never seemed to meet that the simple things were forgotten. She'd completed three years at Hogwarts, her magical ability was improving along with her personality. Anastasia was growing regardless if she was flourishing in the way her family wished.

The smile soon faded. Hitame had been at Hogwarts five years, next year would be entering her final two. Two years sounded like a long time but the first three years at Hogwarts had flown by for Anastasia, much quicker than she had wished.

Hogwarts was a home for Ana. It was the place she'd found herself, a place where she was able to let go, be free and be herself. Anastasia had made her first friends at Hogwarts and felt loved. Her Mother had gave her love, even her siblings to a point but her Father? She'd always felt like a ball and chain to him, an extra load he rather wouldn't have. That feeling of self doubt wasn't found in Ana at Hogwarts, at least not in the Gryffindor common room and whenever she was with Hitame.

Hitame would be leaving in two years. It was hard to smile knowing the person who'd showed her the ropes at Hogwarts, the person who had helped her get out of mischief and calmed her down when she'd gotten a bit upset about letters from home (or lack of).

The same was said for Allyson, her sister who was the same age as Hit. Heck Alexander was leaving for good in a week or so. Ana loved her brother and sister, more than perhaps they realised, but still she loved them and it would be weird not having them at Hogwarts. Anastasia was thirteen, she was innocent and still felt like a child sometimes. That came with being the youngest. There had always been people older around her, people who could protect her, people she could turn to. Growing up that was Alexander and Ally. Now Hitame had stepped into the role. What would she do without that older comfort blanket?

'It was okay.' Ana replied her fingers twisting the bottom of her hair. 'I passed all my exams and I've improved on my flying. The Gryffindor wasn't part of the team, the team had been full and not needed to host tryouts. Next year there would be more available spots and Little Miss Nott was hoping to claim one of those position. She loved quidditch and flying, ever since being a child. Little did she know it wasn't Pansy or Theodore Nott from whom she'd inherited her talent on a broomstick.

'How did your exams go?' Ana asked, referring to Hitamé's OWLs.

Most of her time in Hogwarts, she'd spent it wanting to leave. She'd spent it thinking that her life would be so much more better off if she could just make it through school and leave. But now, as she sat there with the younger Gryffindor, Hitame regretted thinking like that. She regretted that she wanted to leave, that she hadn't even thought about the fact that Ana would be left on her own after she left. Well, not completely on her own, since she had some friends she'd made that were in her year.

But that wasn't what she was thinking of now. This was about her and Ana, not the others who she would still have. It was different because they were all in the same boat, they were still part of the younger side of the student body and they would still need help from those who were older. She didn't want Ana to feel like she would be completely alone after she left. Maybe she wouldn't have to feel like that. There was still a chance that she would come back to the school after graduating.

When she was younger, she had wanted to be a teacher. Being a professor at Hogwarts would be a good way to stay in touch with Ana and she would still be at the school to take care of her when her family couldn't - or wouldn't. Even if she ended up going somewhere else, there were still the letters that they could send. Unlike her parents (mostly her father), Hitame would be sure to constantly answer her letters, letting her know that she was still there.

"That's good!" The older Gryffindor replied with a smile. Anastasia mentioned her flying and Hitame sighed. "That's right, you wanted to try out for the Gryffindor team this year." she murmured. "Too bad they didn't hold tryouts, but there's always next year." she closed her eyes for a moment, thinking of her time on the team. She opened them again and looked at Ana, she hadn't told the girl she had been on the team. By the time she had arrived at the school, Hitame had quit after having a flying accident that didn't allow her to go back for a while. She was able to now, but she just hadn't wanted to go back, fearing it would happen again.

She wasn't sure Anastasia had ever even seen her fly before, since Hitame had only recently begun flying again and she didn't do it often yet. The younger girl asked about her exams and Hitame shrugged, "They were pretty easy, actually. I didn't have time to study much but I think I did pretty well. Except in Astrology maybe." she sighed softly.

Ana nodded. Over the Summer she had planned to spend most of it flying. Maybe becoming a rising quidditch star was satisfy her Father, not that she was doing that for him Quidditch was one of the few things that the youngest Nott did for herself. There was only one problem with Anastasia's plans for the summer. Who would she practice quidditch with? Sure she could zoom around the Nott grounds on a broomstick but her brother would be too busy finding a job to pass a quaffle back and to, her sister wouldn't want to beat a bludger back and forth and her Father would hardly charm a rock to act like a snitch for her to chase.

'Hopefully!' Ana replied somewhat optimistically. 'I don't really know what position I'd go for though. I mean seeker sounds themost fun but I kind of feel I'd be better suited for keeper. I'mtall for my age.' It was true. she hadn't inherited her Father's average height instead she was quickly shooting up, her arms were longer too but her weight was light enough to be agile on a broomstick and quickly fly from hoop to hoop. Only thing was keeper had to be the most boring position to play - at least in Anastasia's mind.

'That's good, and who cares about that really?' Ana replied with a smile. 'I don't suppose you heard Ally say how she found it?' Ana perhaps could guess how Ally found them for she was always in the study rooms but the Gryffindor wanted to know for certain. Not that she was guaranteed an answer from Hit, (were her and Ally friends?) But it gave Ana a reason to talk about her siblings. She did care for them after all.

Hitame nodded, smiling at the younger girl as she listened to what she was saying. She thought about being on the team again, it had been so much fun but she hadn't thought she would ever go back now. Maybe something would change though, hopefully something would change in her that would make her want to try out for the team again. She was sure she'd make it if they held tryouts next year. She might as well do something, since her time at the school was almost over.

"Whatever pleases you." she smiled at Anastasia. "I used to - ahh.." she cursed internally to herself, "I mean, I think I would totally go for chaser. I've always liked it." she said softly, hoping Ana hasn't caught her slip up. She had hoped to keep her time on the team a secret from the girl since she had never thought it would be of too much importance. But if it wasn't she wouldn't have bothered to keep it from her.

"I don't think I'd try out for the team though. I'm too much of a wimp." she scratched her head and laughed sheepishly. If only that accident had never happened. Then she would still be on the team and she wouldn't have to worry about hiding it from Ana. The reason she hid it was probably because she was afraid that the younger girl would tease her, or say something about her being too afraid to go back. Even though it was true, she was scared, it was hard to hear it from someone else. She had heard it from her brother, who she assumed was still on the team, and she hadn't taken it well. In fact she had stopped talking to him for a while because she feared he would only call her a failure or say that she would always be too scared to do anything.