I Haven't Thought This Through

The owl had shown up at her window the night before, scaring the living daylights out of her. It wasn't the bird tapping on the window that scared her; no, in the letter, Adrienne had learned that it was time for her to accept her fate. Thus, it was with a racing heart and nervous fingers fiddling at her scarf that she made her way up to the newly named Guidance Office. Her life was about to be defined for her by the Ministry, and it didn't matter how badly she wanted her match to be the Slytherin who had accidentally become so important to her.

At breakfast that morning, Nessa had told Addie that Kaiden had already left for his meeting. Much like an explosion could set off an avalanche, the news sent her stomach falling to the floor. Something set up by the government, supposedly to help them, shouldn't have felt like it was ruining her life. She wasn't even out of school yet, but there she was, convinced she knew where she had been heading after graduation.

Now, obviously, that wasn't the case. Her breakfast had gone mostly untouched, mostly pushed around into a mess of eggs and pancakes. Eventually, Addie couldn't take it anymore. She had to get to the meeting early and find out who Kaiden was matched with.

The hallway seemed longer, but as she was approaching the office, the door burst open. Kaiden was standing there, looking either confused or anxious - she couldn't say - and Adrienne's feet stopped moving. Maybe she didn't want to know, after all. But they were friends, she mused, and he had not really suggested anything more. Addie wasn't sure she had, either, if she was being honest. Instead of calling him over or even smiling, she just watched him, waiting to see what he would do when he saw her.

That hadn't gone as planned. At all.

Kaiden had no idea what had gotten into him. He didn't mean to bring Addie into anything. At least now, she wouldn't be marrying a complete stranger, but she wasn't saved from being married at all. He cursed himself for being stupid enough to start mentioning her in his meeting. He should have just taken what was said to him and married Charlie like he had been told to.

But it was just something that he couldn't do. It was true that for a Slytherin, Kaiden showed his emotions too much. Sometimes he wondered why he was even a Slytherin anymore. But the reason he had changed was Addie. She had somehow changed him into the person he was now and to some extent he wished she hadn't. If she hadn't, none of this would have mattered at all and he wouldn't have cared about anything except for the fact that his freedom was being taken away for a stupid reason.

But then again, he was grateful for the change. Now he cared, like he actually cared for someone that wasn't himself. And he knew what it was like to be hurt, which in a way he liked. It was strange but the pain he felt when someone hurt him emotionally was new and strange. It was something he actually liked, even if it well.. hurt.

As he walked out of the office, he stopped when he noticed that someone had been approaching the office. The next meeting's already starting? he wondered for a moment, before he decided he should move out of the way to let the person in. But when he started to move out of the way, he realized it was Addie who was there and he froze. The thought that Ana would come out and find out that the girl he had spoken about was Addie quickly sunk in his head and he instinctively grabbed her hand without a word and pulled her away from the office.

When they were far enough that no one would hear them, Kaiden turned around and looked at the floor. He released Addie's hand and let his arms fall limp to his sides. For the longest time, he didn't know what to say to her. How was he supposed to tell her that he had just lied and told Ana that they were engaged? There wasn't a good way to start that conversation off. So the best thing to do, in his head, was to start completely off topic.

"What, no 'hi' or even a hug?" He smirked at her.

Before she could think of anything to say or do, Kaiden was striding towards her and tugging her down the hall, away from the door she was meant to walk into in but a few minutes. What was so important that he wanted to talk in private? Was the girl he was matched with so bad? Surely not.

His words caught her off guard, making her blink a few times before letting out a breathy laugh. Somehow, in situations like this, he could still turn her around and make things alright. Her arm fell back to her side as he released her, but her eyes held on his. Although his smirk should have been expected, it somehow, instead, made her train of thought derail.

"Sorry, I.. you just surprised me. I'd heard you had your meeting before mine, so admittedly I was a little curious." Addie toyed with the end of her scarf, looking between it and his face. She was certain her cheeks must have been bright red in that moment, both from the surprise of his approach and her reluctant confession.

"How.. how did things go?" She asked after a moment, unsure how else to talk about the meeting. How did other people discuss things like this? "Is the woman awful?" She nearly wanted to kick herself for even asking. It wasn't the type of thing she usually said, preferring to go with the benefit of the doubt. Somehow Adrienne felt that she and Kaiden must have swapped some traits in their time knowing each other. She, a usually quiet and stereotypically bookish Ravenclaw would not normally expect the worst of people. In a situation like this, though, Addie wasn't sure how she was supposed to like this Mrs. Levski person.

He wasn't sure how he was supposed to tell her what had happened during the meeting. How was he supposed to confess that he had dragged her into something because he didn't want to marry the person he was matched with. For all he knew she already knew her match.. she already liked or even loved him. Kaiden tightened his hands into fists and sighed. She was going to find out, somehow. The only good thing was that even if she knew everything else, Ana Levski didn't know her name. Addie was still safe in a way.

But he had to tell her what he'd done. First though, he could answer her question about Ana. "She's.. alright.." he responded, half unsure of what he'd just said. She wasn't the nicest, but then again he hadn't been the most cooperative person. He had to cut her some slack. But he still hated that she was the one who was pairing people off like they were animals. He couldn't push what he needed to say back anymore. He was running out of time.

"Don't hate me after what I tell you.. okay?" He looked at her with pleading eyes. "But first, answer this. If I asked you to marry me.. what would you say?" Easy.. just easily give her the news. It was all he could do. He needed to find another way out.. for both of them. But for now all he could do was this. He needed to let her know though, who knows.. maybe she would actually want to marry him.

He sounded reluctant, almost, to admit - or claim - that Mrs Levski wasn't all that bad. At the same time, Adrienne couldn't stop fidgeting, couldn't stop her eyes from flicking to different parts of him. Something told her she would want to memorize this conversation. Everything she felt, every move he made or word he said. This moment was important.

He didn't want her to hate him? How could she? Addie's eyes flicked between his, searching for some sign that he wasn't about to crush any hope of holding onto him. Her furrowed brow relaxed in the surprise of his question, accompanied by the rapid blinking of her eyes. There was no way she had heard that right. Her mind was going like a million miles an hour, considering the possibility that she had just hallucinated and she was completely wrong.

Adrienne liked to think that she was particularly sensible compared to other people she knew, but in that moment, she couldn't believe how astounded she was. It shouldn't have felt so impossible for him to care for her in return. Not really. And yet, there she was, staring at him like a deer in headlights and unsure if he was serious or not. Kaiden wasn't the type to toy with her, though. He wouldn't ever when it came to something like this, at least. That, she was sure of.

"Kaiden... You're serious about this, aren't you?" She gasped out finally. Addie wasn't fully aware of her hands sweeping down his arms to uncurl his fists and tangle their fingers together. She stepped closer and took all of him in with her gaze - his nervousness palpable now as her hands held onto his.

For once, she didn't care about thinking. She didn't wonder about the girl that had just left the office and what would happen with her afterwards. She didn't even wonder who her match was supposed to be. Addie had a feeling she would have a short meeting anyways, and she could always apologize to  him later if need be.

"I - yes. If you're asking, then yes." Addie grinned like a fool, releasing one of his hands to wrap her arm around his neck and hug him in a show of affection she rarely felt comfortable - especially with him. Theirs was a more quiet, unsure thing. "In truth, I put your name down on my application," she admitted quietly near his ear.

He honestly didn't think this would go as smoothly as it seemed to be going so far. Kaiden hadn't expected her answer to be a yes. He had actually really expected her to start freaking about what his question meant. But he was glad that she had said yes, it meant that she really did like him and now he didn't have to worry about his feelings being unrequited.

Kaiden smiled at her and said, "Good.. Then now I guess I should explain everything to you." He licked his lips quickly and glanced down the corridor to make sure no one was coming. "I'm not going to lie to you Addie. This.. all started because I panicked. I didn't want to marry my match and I didn't think anything through before I opened my mouth and blurted things out." he told her. "I.. don't think I would have ever planned to propose to you or anything, honestly. But, this kind of forced my hand.. It doesn't mean I don't like you.. because I do. I really do like you, a lot. And I'm really glad you said yes." he continued.

Her confession of writing his name down in her application made him stop for a moment. "I.. I wrote your name down too. I would have really preferred to be matched with you rather than with anyone else." he admitted softly. Though all of this was happening because he accidentally involved her in it, he would have honestly rather been matched with her and have to marry her than anyone else. He was pretty sure she knew that now too.

"But there's one thing. And this is where that question came in." he cleared his throat. "I kind of ended up lying to that woman about.. us.. because I didn't want to marry Charlie. But I don't want that to be a lie. Especially because I don't want you to get in trouble because of me.. I.. care about you too much for that to happen." he told her softly. "I told Mrs. Levski that we were engaged. I didn't mention you by name, but she said I was allowed to petition for a switch, so I can be with you. Which means eventually she'll know who you are and if you accept your match, then we'll be in trouble." he added.

"I'm sorry I got you dragged into it." he apologized. "But I couldn't marry her.. and I couldn't stand the thought of you marrying someone else." he admitted shyly. As she hugged him, Kaiden placed his arm around her waist and sighed. "I think.. I love you Addie." he said softly, planting a small kiss on her cheek.

Addie couldn't begrudge him the surprise that came along with her answer, as she had tried in the past to show him she was interested, but she hadn't quite known how. Not when she thought he wasn't going to look at her the same way she wanted to get away with looking at him. Her mum always told her that you could tell how people felt just by how they looked at someone, so Adrienne had gotten used to hiding her feelings around him. Especially after he found out about Wyatt and didn't change how he acted around her.

He started explaining and Addie nodded along as he went. Although she was slightly affronted by the statement that he wouldn't have ever wanted to marry her in different circumstances, she had a feeling she was reading it wrong. Now there were no different circumstances to be concerned about, because this was seriously happening. Granted, it wasn't exactly the most romantic proposal; Addie couldn't find it in her to care. She had been worried about losing him, hadn't she? And now she didn't have to be. But his apparent need to lie had surprised her. She wasn't the sort that would be offended by someone lying or anything – unless it was insanely important or could be avoided – but she was quite sure she hadn't gotten the whole story yet.

Kaiden managed to pull her thoughts in yet another direction as he replied to her confession. She couldn't help but want to tell him exactly why she'd done that, but she bit her lip as he continued again. Petition. What a beautiful word. Adrienne knew she should have been worried about all of this, and knew now that she had to be careful about what she said in her meeting. But she was already going to be late to the meeting anyway, so she figured she would have time to work it out.

His returned hug made her smile, even though he was apologizing in doing so. He seemed very unaware of how much she valued him, because each of his admissions and the apology sounded both nervous and almost unsure. After the last one, she just didn't care. Addie leaned back to look at him face to face, but couldn't bring herself to let go of him in doing so. Not now. Getting herself to the meeting at all was going to be hard.

“I- I don't know who my match would have been, but I'm sure I would have wished it was you the entire time. Even if I had to go through with it.” She shook her head a little as if she could brush off the negative feelings that came with the law and the meeting she was supposed to be at right then. “I should have mentioned it before – it would have saved us all a lot more trouble – but I guess I'm not in Gryffindor for a reason.” A laugh escaped her before she could finish what she was saying. “I didn't know it at the time, but when we met in the Astronomy Tower... I just had this feeling that you were important. I didn't understand that that feeling was me starting to like you. Inevitably, Kaiden, I realized with this whole match business that I.. I love you, too.”

She couldn't remember the first moment or the words that caused or started it. But there she was, determined to admit what she felt she had known regarding her feelings for him. Hang the meeting. Her gaze roamed his face, taking him in again. She was right in thinking that she ought to pay attention to all of this. Now she definitely had a reason to remember it. Addie gently pulled the hand that was still holding his so she could suggest that he settle that one around her as well, and released his hand to connect it with her own around his neck. Was she allowed to kiss him just because she felt like it, now? They were engaged, right? She hesitated, instead biting her lip again and staring at his chest and shoulders as her fingers toyed with the hair at the nape of his neck.

The thought of when they first met in the Astronomy Tower made him smile. That day, though he was really angry about something, he completely forgot what the reason was now, she was somehow able to calm him down. Even though he had injured himself first and he had acted like a jerk most of the time to her. He regretted the way he acted, but it wasn't like he could change that now.

He was glad he had met her there that night. If he hadn't, he wondered if they would have met elsewhere. Maybe, maybe not. Would their meeting place have made any difference in their feelings? He would hope not, but there was no way to find out. And he was happy with the way things turned out between them. "That night.." Kaiden started. "That night I was so angry about something that now I don't even remember, but even though I didn't show it.. You actually calmed me down. A lot. I don't know what it was about you but something you did, or just the way you acted with me.. it calmed me down and I guess that was when I started to like you too, but I didn't realize it at the time."

"I don't know if you've noticed, but I have a hard time showing my true feelings for someone. Especially when it's someone I really care about like you. But recently, I've shown too many emotions, except to you." he told her. He was fine with showing his emotions to anyone else, but when it came to Addie, he just froze and found it easier to just say nothing. "I don't really know why.. But I've always been content with just having you near me, even if you didn't know how I felt." he added. He felt his cheeks burn, something that didn't happen often and he tried to hide his face.

He had hoped to never really have to confess that to her, even if she already knew about it or not. It was an embarrassing confession he'd rather not let her in on. When she replied that she loved him too, he smiled. She had no idea how happy her saying that had made him. She seemed to hesitate about something and ended up biting her lip, and he suddenly couldn't help himself. He leaned forward, toward her and pressed his lips against hers.

This was completely crazy.

But it was also strangely wonderful and exciting. She hadn't expected anything like this when she woke up that morning, but Merlin was she glad she'd talked to Nessa. What would she have done if she couldn't find him? If he hadn't said anything or asked her? She shivered at the thought. But he loved her. How bizarre. She didn't quite know why he did but a part of her griped at her for questioning it. Why couldn't she find someone who loved her? Asher hadn't left exactly, so much as disappeared. And she had everyone else back home. Now, she had him, too. He who meant far more than she had realized before the law.

His words made her feel like she was melting. But in the best way. Like words could just warm her completely through and leave her standing there like a happy snowman*. Words really were the best things she could think of right then. Of course, that changed when he either read her mind or was thinking along the same lines as she was. Because then he was kissing her.

Yes, Adrienne decided quickly. This was better than words.

She let her hands thread into his hair before pulling back and grinning at him like some sappy, lovestruck fool. She sort of was, though, wasn't she? A bizarre, wonderful laugh fell past her lips and she let her forehead rest under his chin.

A door opened and shut down the hallway.

Her meeting! She pulled back, hands flying to his shoulders. “Oh my gosh. I'm late. I have to go – Merlin knows what she'll do if I don't show up soon.” Her brows were tugged together in a mix of frustration at being late and annoyance at having to leave so quickly. “I, um – find me later?”

A few rushed steps down the hall later, Addie turned over her shoulder and continued walking backwards towards the 'Guidance Office'. “Kaiden!” She called, waiting for him to meet her eyes. “I love you!”

Another blinding smile lit her face before she turned and ran up to the door where her supposed match was sitting. Unfortunately for him, she was just not going to be able to make the wedding.


*puddle

Somehow he still couldn't believe this was all really happening. She was actually going to be his now, he'd finally been able to tell her how he felt, even though he wouldn't have wanted it this way. But with any other way, he probably wouldn't have ever told her anything.

Kaiden pulled his head back when she pulled away and he returned her seemingly lovestruck grin. It all seemed like a dream to him and if it was, he hoped he never had to wake up. He didn't want to if it was a dream, but it was all too real to be a dream and he loved it. He almost wanted to pinch himself to make sure he wasn't just being stupid though.

She suddenly pulled back from where she was and he looked at her, a bit startled. "I.. What?" he hadn't understood at first, but he quickly remembered that she was going to have her meeting. Now he was really glad that he had gone first and that he was able to talk to her before her meeting started. Otherwise, they would be in deep trouble.

But that didn't mean that he was glad about her having to leave. He didn't want to let her go at all, he just wanted to have her near him right now, just the way she had been. He wanted to continue holding her the way he was and forget about the meetings, the Ministry and the stupid law. But he knew she had to leave and he felt himself pout slightly as she began to walk away. "I'll find you." he stated before she was too far away.

He had turned around to leave when she called his name and he turned to face in her direction. He grinned at her words and called back, "I love you too Addie!"