This wasn't ... I wasn't ... You weren't .. Oh, Merlin..

Hogsmeade had been plundered by winter and topped with an unfortunate layer of snow, one which made Cerelia Avery cringe at the sight of it. Never a fan of winter, Cerelia was hesitant to emerge from Hogwarts Castle’s relative warmth in the decidedly chilled outdoors. Thankfully though, the Thestral carriages were running and so quickly, Cerelia climbed into the covered carriage before she could really consider turning back and returning to the tower.

She had not been to Hogsmeade since she had returned from Christmas break and though she had no real reason to go, she figured she could pop into the Potions shop and pick up some ingredients before buying a few books and spending the rest of the afternoon in The Three Broomsticks.

Underfoot, the snow was still soft and pliable, not quite yet the deadly ice that would come to plague the streets. For Cerelia, this kind of snow was a joy to stride through. It was only a short walk from where the Thestral carriage dropped her off to the second hand bookshop where she would make her first stop. It was there, weaving in and out of the dusty shelves, that Cerelia found a handful of volumes that would prove to be useful to her in the long run, she felt.

Afterwards, she darted across the street to the Potions shop where she produced a list of the ingredients she needed for the lazy looking assistant that needed something to busy himself with to fight off the idleness. Cerelia then left with a box of ingredients and took a slow wander down the street to the Three Broomsticks which was just beginning to feel the mid-morning rush.

Sitting down at one of the tables, Cerelia set her things down beneath and flagged down a waitress who was keen to take her order of pumpkin juice and one of the meat pies of dubious ingredients that the pub hailed as a masterpiece. The girl then sped away and left Cerelia to people watching; and watch she did as face after face entered the pub, each one more familiar than the last until the unthinkable happened: Gisele Delacour entered the Three Broomsticks.

Oh, if only a hole couldn't have opened and swallowed Cerelia. She would have been infinitely grateful if one had.

Outfit!

The cold winter air nipped at Gisele's nose, leaving it stinging and red after every gust. The heat of the shops was only intensified by the short sprints though the winter weather that lurked dangerously outside. Upon coming to Hogsmede her destination had originally been the Three Broomsticks but in typical Gisele fashion she had been quickly distracted by the towering display of multicolored sweets in the windows of Honeydukes. As it was nearly February and it looked as if the shop had been puked on by Cupid. Glittering pink boxes were stacked upon heart shaped candies and paper cutout Cupids flew around the whole display, sprinkling sparkling dust upon everyone who dared step within range. As soon as Gisele stepped into the shop she became one of those unfortunate souls and had to spend several awkward minutes trying to shake excess glitter out of her hair. Gisele had always loved Valentine's day, and even though she had never been in any sort of committed relationship on the day she had never gone without at least one date.

Gisele grabbed a heart box of chocolates off the display with Iris in mind, as well as a few of her all time favorites from the boxes along the wall. Her dorm room stash had been running low. Unknown yo many of her peers, her veela blood gave her an incredible metabolism, letting the brunette indulge herself in her Honeydukes habit with little consequence. Handing the woman behind the counter several silver coins she grabbed her loot and exited, being careful to avoid the shower of sparkles that rained from the small Cupids above. The whole display made her giddy with joy. Although she was not a believer in true love or anything of the sort, she was still a young girl, and the fantasy that the holiday invoked was not lost on her.

Parsals in hand, Gisele continued down the street with her original destination back in mind. The bar was close enough now that she could hear the laughter and chatter from within. She couldn't help but get excited about her lunch today. Iris had promised to try and come down to town as soon as she had finished her Ancient Runes homework and Gisele didn't want to be late if she got out early. Gisele always felt like she was the one who was disappointing the other girl.. being late or just not being able to give quite enough. To begin to make up for it she promised herself that she would give Iris a nice lunch and an even better Valentine's day.

Entering the Three Broomsticks, the bell above the door dinged merrily, signaling her arrival to the room. The heat of the bar was immediately evident and Gisele shrugged off her cloak, carrying it under her arm as she headed to the bar. Ordering a coffee, she glanced around the room, searching for a sign of her friends long brown hair. But to her surprise it was not Iris that caught her eye but the ever elusive Cerelia Avery. A quick grin met her lips and as soon as she received her piping hot drink she headed over and sat on the opposite side of the booth. She smiled merrily, happy to see the girl. "What brings you down to Hogsmede?" she asked. Time with Cerelia was something that had to be savored, as lately she had developed the extraordinary ability to disappear whenever they were in the same room, a fact that both puzzled and upset the brunette. Cerelia was lovely and it proved harder than expected to get her out of her head.

Cerelia’s eyes immediately darted to the surface of the stained and chipped table that was stood before her at the sound of Gisele’s voice. Cerelia brought her book across the table, closer to her, as if by some stroke of luck it might protect her from the devastatingly beautiful Veela that was now sat across from her, wearing the smile that Cerelia found behind her eyelids every night when she closed them in the hope of going to sleep but instead was left awake, her mind addled with thoughts of the girl. To change from dreams to reality was not something that Cerelia had been entirely ready for. The girl could only hope and pray that she would stay relatively calm and refrain from passing out due to the flood of feelings she could feel curling and leaping within her.

Hesitantly, Cerelia lifted her gaze to Gisele’s and her heart leapt into her throat. Cerelia tried, in vain, to swallow it back but instead took on a rather pinched look that wasn’t very attractive. The girl managed to smile, albeit tightly, at the brunette and Cerelia, thankfully, had the decency and the sense to close the book. She hadn’t seen Gisele since the ball when she’d been even more show stopping than she was now. Ball gowns suited Gisele, Cerelia felt. The girl bit her lip hesitantly before considering her words. She knew that Gisele was waiting for her to talk. They didn’t talk often. Cerelia went out of her way to avoid Gisele, even in the dormitory she managed to appear busy or distracted. They rarely spoke.

Oh, but did that stop Cerelia from thinking about Gisele? Of course not. Her mind was filled with images of the Veela and it was a trial trying to make herself forget. That was damn near impossible though and the whole thinking-about-Gisele thing was exacerbated further by the time not two weeks ago when Cerelia walked into the bathroom, unaware that Gisele was trying to shower at the time. Cerelia had not slept that night. Merlin, how could she? Just thinking...

Cerelia thrust herself back into the present for fear of discomfort at the thought of Gisele anything other than fully clothed while in said beautiful person’s presence. Cerelia’s cheeks were, unbeknownst to her, bright pink and she ducked her head a little, trying to push the thoughts out of her mind, promising to admire them fully for what they were much, much later.

“I...needed some potions ingredients.” Cerelia found her voice finally, thankfully saying that instead of ‘I-think-about-you-naked’ which she was in incredible danger of doing. “I also bought some books. I just... needed to get out I guess. I’ve been trapped in my own head for too long, I think.” Cerelia smiled sheepishly. “What about you?”

Cerelia had become almost a godlike figure in Giseles life. Beautiful, powerful, and entirely untouchable. The way she carried herself was so strong and verging on cold that Gisele had all but given up on developing a true friendship between the two. She seemed to prefer solitude.. solitude and books. And even though this had frustrated the brunette at first it was now the very quality that she found the most beautiful about her. Whenever Cerelia was in the common room reading Gisele couldn't take her eyes off her. The softness of her face as she scanned the pages, the slight twinges in her lips as she read something that amused her, the delicacy with which she turned the ancient pages over. For reasons unknown this was what captivated Gisele the most. There was always a moment of stillness when this happened. Then someone would talk to her and she would return to the conversation, bewitched and wondering. Cerelia seemed softer when no one was watching. Seemed a bit less godlike and a bit more reachable.

These moments were hidden in Giseles memories. Never spoken, and only thought about on a rainy day when she needed something that felt like a miracle.

"The company of course." Gisele said with a little laugh. "That castle feels very small after awhile." Gisele remembered when Hogwarts had felt like a whole world in itself, like no matter how much you explored you could never find it all. But the older she got the smaller her world became. The more complicated. But she guessed that was how it was for everyone. As you changed the way you viewed the world would change too. "I was going to meet a friend here but I don't know if they're going to be able to come." Gisele said with a shrug. She wasn't really sure why she didn't identify Iris by name.. Cerelia had seen them around the common room and dorms just as much as the rest of the Ravenclaws. Even after all these months of practically being her girlfriend, Gisele was still having a hard time with it. She didn't like people knowing or suspecting. Iris was Iris. Private. But the idea of Cerelia knowing their personal affairs was even more sickening to her than anyone else.

Gisele took a sip of her coffee and felt the warmth of the liquid heat up her entire body. She was happy here. "You mind staying with me here for awhile? I hate waiting alone."

Something like this was never meant to happen. Cerelia was never meant to like Gisele the way she did. That was never supposed to happen. She was supposed to just be Gisele’s friend if anything and she’d listen to what Gisele got up to while being courted by some kind bystander that her father had thought good enough for his golden girl. Cerelia was never supposed to wonder what it would be like to court or be courted by Gisele. She wondered what it would be like to hold her hand in hers, feel the warmth radiating through her skin. She wondered what it would be like to crawl into Gisele’s bed and feel Gisele’s body against her own. She wondered what it would be like to be able to say that Gisele was hers. She wondered if she would ever be allowed to do that.

It was never a very good idea to dream and certainly not in the way Cerelia did. Gisele was untouchable, this she knew. Iris was Gisele’s and vice versa. This was something Cerelia did not dare alter for fear of not being able to keep promises and for fear of causing heartache in Gisele. She felt it was better just to stay away, to stay away and let Gisele be happy. She didn’t want to change things, the dynamic, between any of them. She didn’t know Iris that well but she knew her enough to know it would be impractical to encroach on what was hers. And Gisele... Gisele was better off with Iris, wasn’t she? Well, maybe Cerelia wasn’t while she was but Gisele must have been! Surely she must have been! Look at that smile! That was for Iris, not for Cerelia. She was much better off with her. Cerelia was sure of it.

Cerelia knew which friend Gisele had meant the moment the girl had mentioned it and Cerelia could not help but let the sadness and disappointment twinge onto her face. She loved to watch Gisele but she did not enjoy it when she was with Iris. The girl might’ve been happier but she certainly ruined the picture in Cerelia’s head. They were two brunettes. They were clashing colours. Surely Cerelia fit better? No. No. She wasn’t allowed to think like that. To think like that would prove to be disastrous!

Cerelia’s eyes found the ruby of Gisele’s lips and once again the blonde swallowed, her cheeks reddening with embarrassment. She nibbled absent-mindedly on her bottom lip and averted her eyes once more, determined not to think of Gisele in an impure manner.

“I know what you mean,” Cerelia murmured quietly. She smiled a little at Gisele and nodded once, adding, “I’d love to,” before looking towards her drink which had been set down, along with her meal, without her really noticing. Cerelia looked up, searching for the waitress but finding that she had disappeared. The girl put the book down beside her and leaned forward, amused to find two sets of cutlery beside the pie. Cerelia gestured to the cutlery before reaching her own. “Are you hungry?” She asked gently. “There’s plenty here. Feel free. I, um... how are you? What’s... uh... new?” Cerelia’s blush deepened in colour. “I’m sorry. I’m not really very good at small talk. Just ignore me.” She laughed weakly and broke into the pie with her knife and fork, deciding just to focus on her food instead of further making a fool of herself.

Gisele noticed the twinge in Cerelias expression and immediately felt her stomach sink in disappointment. Even though she had done nothing wrong she had an irrational need to satisfy the blonde. To at least keep her happy in the small amounts of time that they were together. Cerelia babbled a little and Gisele grinned at her words. She had never seen the Ravenclaw this distraught before and she wondered what could possibly be putting her this out of sorts. Again her stomach flipped as she realized that it was probably a boy. Boys made girls go wonky, didn't they? But Gisele refused to let any lad, no matter how handsome he could be, outshine her and ruin time together. So she kept a permanintly happy expression plastered on her face and quickly felt the happiness travel into her heart too. It was easy to do.

"Okay, no small talk then." She grinned widely, an almost devilish glint appearing in her eyes. "Lay it on me. Put the mysteries of the world on my shoulders." Elbows on the table, she propped her head up on her hands. "Anything."

She stared into Cerelias face, her smile of laughter slowly settling away into a smile of contentment. Sitting before her was the most beautiful girl she had ever seen. That soft porcelain skin that was hinted with shades of pink, those intense eyes, the delicacy of her body. She could still imagine how almost every inch of it looked after this summer in Italy. The image of her slender body diving off of their boat was permanently engraved in her brain. All of the thoughts of desire and memories stored away were quickly flooding back as they had the tendancy to do whenever the pair spent time together. It was possible the Gisele had been avoiding her a little bit too.

The little devil on her shoulder couldn't help but compare Cerelia to Iris. And Gisele had to shoo him away angrily. It wasn't fair to her love to think such thoughts about another girl, no matter how gorgeous a girl she was. It wasn't right and she knew it. But it couldn't be helped. Just look at her.
The guilt of not feeling guilty was the worst.

Cerelia did not know what Gisele wanted to hear but she knew that she wanted to hear Gisele talk. She wanted to hear everything Gisele had to say. She didn’t have anything to say to her, not really. She was content just to watch the girl but the Veela’s eyes were on her, this she realised. Cerelia felt herself crumple underneath Gisele’s gaze and she averted her eyes, determined to avoid the further embarrassment of just being completely and utterly done in by the girl before her. She was sublime, truly, and Cerelia didn’t know what she was supposed to do with all of the feelings that were now unabashedly assaulting her without preamble or thought to the consequences.

“Have you seen all the Valentine’s Day guff?” Cerelia asked, wrinkling her nose at the thought of all of the pink and fluffy nonsense. “I suppose you’ve got something planned, eh?” Cerelia tried to keep the bitterness out of her tone. “My brother ... he’s taking out the girl he’s courting so he tells me. I doubt it.” Cerelia laughed a little. “She’s a bit of a handful. I, um.... I’m not doing anything. But I expect you and Iris will be...” Cerelia trailed off and put down her cutlery, trying her hardest to ignore the awful feeling that sprang up in her stomach at that moment. She closed her eyes momentarily and pulled hands underneath the table. She reopened her eyes after a moment but found she could not quite meet Gisele’s gaze. “Sorry. I ... um. I had better be going, actually.”

Cerelia found herself climbing to her feet. She reached into the pocket of her jeans for her wallet and withdrew some coins which she pressed gently onto the table. She pulled her cloak from the back of her chair and quickly clipped it around her neck before gathering up her things and shoving the book she’d had into one of her bags. She smiled at Gisele, her lips pulled tightly across her face, and quickly supplied an excuse.

“I forgot I have an essay to write for tomorrow and I have to go to the Astronomy tower and help the Professor get ready for her class.” The first, a lie, the second ... just as unbelievable. “Sorry Gisele. I, uh... I’ll see you later.”

And with that, before the girl could say anything else, Cerelia hurried away, her cheeks blazing, her mind focused on merely escaping. She knew she had promised Gisele she would stay but she couldn’t bear to hear the other girl talk about Iris. She didn’t know why she’d even brought it up. She didn’t have a clue what she’d been thinking but out in the cold she could at least try and clear her head.

Cerelia collapsed onto the nearest bench, abandoning her bags either side, and rested her elbows on her knees, dropping her head dejectedly into her hands. A heavy sigh escaped her lips and she shook her head despite herself, feeling the hot moisture of tears on her hands. She did not usually allow herself to be so unrefined but in this case she had no other choice. The emotions had grown to be too much and she could not be in the room with that girl for much longer. She had paid, at least. She’d probably tipped to handsomely.

Oh, Gisele. Oh, Gisele.

And then everything went wrong. One moment Cerelia was there and the next she seemed to be sprinting for the door. As she listened to Cerelia's blatant lies her world spun and she tried to make sense of what had just happened. Gisele's mouth was open slightly in shock and confusion as she watched the back of the girl disappear out the door. "But.." she protested to the empty booth. "I want you to stay." The words hung in the air and hurt Gisele like knives. Momentarily she couldn't figure out what had triggered such a responce. They had only been talking about Valentine's day. And Iris. But, wait, if it was possible.. that would mean.. no, it wasn't possible. It couldn't be. For the first time a beautiful kind of hope and happiness flared up in her chest.

Once this realization settled in in only took moments for Gisele to jump up and run out the door. She had forgotten her cloak and the winter air bit at her through her shirt but she felt too alive to notice. Once out of the pub she frantically spun in a circle searching for a glimpse of that distinctive blonde hair amoung the sea of black cloaks. "Cerelia?" she called with no answer. Then a little ways down the street she spotted her sitting on a bench. Her face was covered by her hands and Gisele's could feel her heart aching within her chest. She jogged over, worried that by walking she might somehow be too slow and lose her.

"Cerelia?" she asked again, once standing directly next to her. Gingerly, Gisele sat on the bench, having to move her shopping slightly aside to make room. When Cerelia looked up Gisele saw the tears on her cheeks and her heart broke completely. She was so confused. She didn't understand what had caused this to happen and with such a strong reaction. Gisele had never seen Cerelia shed a single tear before and now it came as a complete shock.

With trembling hands she reached up and wiped the tears away with her thumb. "Don't cry." Gisele's voice shook and emotions welled up within her. Emotions that she thought had long abandoned her. "I don't think I can handle that." Without her cloak Gisele was freezing and her whole body shook from both shivers and feelings.

"I'm sorry." she whispered. "Whatever I did, I'm sorry." Giseles eyes began to tear up too and she closed them, trying to fight back the waterworks that threatened to explode. Her hand traveled from the girls cheek to her jawline, tracing the gentle curve of her face. "And I can fix it if you promise not to run away any more." Gisele was threatening to break inside. Every part of her was fighting within itself, pulling her in two directions. She was sure she was going to implode. "I need you to promise, Cerelia. Because I can't take chasing you for another day."

A single tear fell down Gisele's face, leaving a glistening streak behind. Everywhere it touched the wind seemed to hit harder and colder, freezing her face and stinging. "I can't." Gisele didn't even know what she was saying. What she was telling her. Because there was a very great chance that everything she had assumed in the bar had been false and Cerelia really did have to write a paper and didn't care at all who Gisele was dating. There was a chance that she was about to be told off, ignored, and crushed. It was almost certain that Cerelia didn't feel the same because she had never shown signs of doing so before. There was a chance that Cerelia wouldn't understand a word of what she just said. But Gisele wanted her. No, needed her. One way or the other, needed to get her out of her head where she had taken residence for much too long.

OOC: A tad of godmodding. I can edit if you want.

If anything, Cerelia blamed herself. There was no fault in her dear Gisele. No, all was to be found within herself and in her inability to quash all that she felt for the brunette. She needed to, she felt. It was not safe to allow herself the luxury of Gisele. No, she would have to remain merely Gisele’s friend. Eventually. Well, they were not even friends. Perhaps that was the place to begin, though.

Cerelia looked at Gisele and immediately brought her hands to her cheeks, wiping away the tears in order to regain some of her countenance. She needed to show Gisele that she was not weak and she certainly did not need sympathy. She did not need help. Perhaps she did. Perhaps under the facade she did need the help she was denying herself but for pride’s sake, she couldn’t bear to let much more of her guard down than she already had.

“I’m fine,” she was quick to assure, attempting a small smile for the sake of the other girl’s conscience. “I just needed some air. I really am needed back at the sch-”

Pausing, Cerelia narrowed her eyes a little, squinting, at Gisele. She shrank back a little at the feeling of Gisele’s cheek on her jaw line and she stared openly at the girl, her eyes growing wide like tea-saucers, wondering desperately how it come to happen in the manner it had – whatever it was.

“Gisele...it’s nothing. Really. I just needed air, that was all. It was so stuffy in there.” Cerelia stopped making excuses for herself and reached for Gisele’s spare hand, cupping it tight with her own. “Please don’t cry, Gisele.”

Cerelia smiled weakly and nodded a little, leaning a little closer to the brunette. “I promise I won’t run away anymore but really, there’s nothing to be fixed. Would you like some hot chocolate? I can make some back in the dorms.”

Carefully, hesitantly, Cerelia laced her fingers with Gisele's and she smiled that little bit brighter at the girl before gesturing vaguely towards the castle with a slight twist of her head.

"It's warmer there," she added, helpfully.

Gisele was embarrassed for herself. The confidence in her understanding of the blondes inner feelings had all but disappeared and she suddenly felt very much like she was frozen out in the snow. For just a second there.. just a moment.. she had forgotten her place. Forgotten that any relationship they had was friendly and barely even that. She had forgotten that she wasn't allowed to chase her gut because there was a beautiful girl waiting at the castle, pouring through her textbooks. Cerelia wiped away her tears and Gisele gave her a half laugh. "I'm sorry." she said again, playing off her reaction as subtley as she could. "It's just been.. a long day." Realizing how close they still remained Gisele pulled away, very aware of the space between them.

"Hot chocolate. Okay." Gisele nodded, allowing herself to smile. She wasn't too hungry anymore (her stomach felt more along the lines of a black hole than anything) but being offered any more time at all with the other Ravenclaw couldn't be refused. Their fingers laced together, Gisele stood from the bench and nodded. "Oh! Be right back." she remembered, letting go of Cerelia and taking off jogging towards the Three Broomsticks. Once inside she grabbed her cloak and package quickly and dashed out again, draping the black fabric over her shoulders. The safety that the garment provided was relieving and took a bit of the pain out of her stomach.

Upon rejoining her companion moments later she apologized again and began to walk back towards the ancient castle. Yes, it was much too cold outside.

As they walked Gisele wondered if Iris would still be up at the dorms. Probably. The girl was a true Ravenclaw and studied more than was good for her. Part of Gisele hoped that she wouldn't see Gisele and Cerelia return together, a sight that would surely bring her brunette friend in to join their little party. On night's when her filter had been impaired by one too many drinks, Iris had heard many stories of Italy, making her far from Cerelias biggest fan. Breaking from her head, Gisele looked over at the girl who walked beside her. The winter was befitting to Cerelia and Gisele couldn't help but smile. The snow crunched underfoot and the wind had dimmed some, making the walk pleasent.

"You mentioned your brother? How is your family? I don't think I've seen them since this summer." Back to small talk. But with all of the things that Gisele wanted to say, it was probably the smartest thing to say.