Jack knew she was not supposed to be here, but all the wards were down and no one was stopping her. Besides, she believed she had a right to say good bye.. The right way. It had not worked out so well the last time. She had apparated to Hogsmeade and had just walked through the gates of Hogwarts- nothing was stopping her.
She glanced at the castle as she approached and sadness struck her, though she continued walking onwards. The last time she looked at her school as a student, it should have been as massive and unshakable as ever.. But at places, it resembled ruins, destroyed by fire and curses.. She could not even stand the sight of the Forbidden Forest for long, where naked and scarred trees reminded her that nothing in this world was holy enough to be preserved.
Jack's eyes found the Quidditch pitch and she took off jogging towards it, her knapsack bouncing lightly on her back. The pitch had been her home withing a home, the place where all the bull of the castle could not touch her. There, she and enemies had coexisted, she had become something more than herself...
She reached the pitch and she headed for her old locker room, her hand touching the door when she got there, as though trying to suck all the memories that lie within. She turned and strode to the middle of the pitch, stopping to lean down and brush her fingers across the grass, her eyes closing and her lungs taking in the air that always seemed to be the freshest around.
This was her last time on her Quidditch pitch. Quidditch was not a sport to Jack- it symbolized her acceptance into the magical world. She was a muggleborn, supposedly inferior to others in every way.. And yet here, she had creamed purebloods and halfbloods, put them all to shame. Even when her team lost, she had done brilliantly. It was the one thing she knew she was best at.. And now..
Some recruiters had found her at the Leaky Cauldron, a few days after the battle. They had apologized for their bad timing, but they needed to know if she had any interest in pursuing Beating. Apparently the Falmout Falcons really wanted her on their team. "Let us win, but if we cannot win, let us break a few heads." Jack would have been so excited to join...
It was the worst thing she had ever done to herself, telling them she could not join at that time. They had given her all sorts of contact information for when she wanted to, and they would reevaluate then. Jack just could not play Quidditch with everything going on. Grindelwald was back and she could not bring herself to walk away from the war..
Especially one she felt her hand in starting..
She knew it was irrational to blame herself, but she could still see how she had been the main reason the battle had ever happened. She had been the one to bring in the Order. Death Eaters would have just taken a few hostages, blown stuff up, and taken over.. The Order could have stealthily taken it back, it took two sides to start a battle. But she had called in the Order.
She knew it was the 'right' thing to do, that to let the Death Eaters take over would have been terrible. But Jack also knew she had chosen her ideals over the safety of others, even if she had thought she was protecting people by bringing in the Order. She would always wonder who would have survived that hadn't if she had never called in the Order.
A breeze tugged at her and she closed her eyes. It did not matter now- she was paying for the consequences now. She was giving up her dream and she would be haunted by the names she had read in the Daily Prophet. Candice Bowls, 16 years old. Garrett Conolly, 11. Thaorson Kam Elldir, 59. Ben Fisher, 12. Marki Gordon, 15. Marla Higgins, 21. Skeeter Hudson, 24. Simon McLaggen, 16. Lisa Stills, 13. Kaily Volkov, 14. Missing in Action, Dexter Carrigan, 17. Their names would never be forgotten in the mind of the redhead who viewed herself as the murderer of each one.
She forced herself to leave the pitch, knowing there was no more she could do here. She left, trying to repress all the memories threatening to swarm. Meeting Andrew, her first real friend at Hogwarts.. That's where her real story had begun. Had she never met Andrew, she and Vito would have their own issues. Chase would have never entered her life. Jack would have never had to choose. Andrew and Chase would hate Vito, Jack would be oddly allied to Vito, and their paths would have never ever crossed.
She had to break out into a jog again to escape the pitch. She worked her way to the steps of the castle and she sat at the top one. For a few minutes, she was able to just sit, free from thinking, free from stress. Hogwarts had always meant an escape for her, and she was content to escape now, the stone enveloping her in a cold embrace.
But Hogwarts had been weakened and so had she. She had seen Thaor die in front of her more or less. She had tried so hard to save him, but she couldn't. That was Jack's curse. She could feel when people needed her most, but she could never do the right thing to save them. Chase's family was dead, she had been attacked by Vito and by Barker. Andrew was gone and she would probably never see him again. Vito needed her to save him from himself, but she did not know how to do that. Thaor had needed her, and he was dead. Elliot and Chip were gone from her life, surely never to return because she couldn't do anything. When would it spread? When would it be Keith she couldn't save, or James, or worse.. Ari.
She forced those thoughts from her head, slamming a fist down on the steps. No. She could not do this to herself. She had enough to worry about. The Order would want her fighting alongside them now. How would she explain she would never be able to hurt one Death Eater in particular? How did she explain that she wanted to help the werewolves who had attacked them? How would Jack even be able to help.. She was probably wanted by now and she had no place to go.
After the debacle at her parent's house, she had done some traveling and broke into all of Chip's homes, taking any money he left. Her last visit had been to the ranch in Utah near the tree house she had shared with Andrew. She had wanted so badly to burn it down, but it was a safe place. She slept in it for the night and then moved into the Leaky Cauldron.
Jack had noticed people had taken to pointing at her and muttering. Apparently, everyone assumed she had something to do with Thaor's death. She had not told anyone why he had been in the Astronomy Tower, so her story did not look good. She could mind all of that.. But people were following her. Michael had told her Death Eaters would want her dead.. And so far she had been okay. She knew she would. She had escaped Collins and Trent in Knockturn after all.
No one knew of that but Khaat, Michael, Vito, and the healers. She had never told her friends. She had managed to hide the scars and hide the fact she was in pain every time she breathed for as long as it affected her. Her friends did not need to know she had nightmares. That she was paranoid now. That she knew she was going to die anytime soon...
These thoughts were to suffocating. She found her feet leading her to the lake, where so many had found peace before, and so many would find it after. She dropped to her knees beside it and her eyes fell on her reflection. Green eyes, crazy red hair, something behind her eyes she could not describe as anything other than weakness. She swiped at the water in disgust.
Something seized her hand and she felt her eyes widen, heart thumping- an attack. She yanked it away and saw a tentacle attached to her hand. She felt herself relax and she smiled. “Oh,” she said, reaching out her other hand to grip the Great Squid's tentacle, as though shaking his hand. “You can never abandon Hogwarts, okay?” she said. “Watch over it.” The tentacle wound its way around both of her hands and squeezed, before slipping back into the water.
And that's when it struck Jack... He was not the only one who would forever watch over Hogwarts...
It only took a few minutes for her feet to find the white tomb. Jack's fingers crept up it and her knees sank to the ground. She rested her head against the tomb, feeling herself shake with silent sobs, her eyes dry but her emotions finally enough to make her small frame quake- with fear and uncertainty and loneliness.
“No one ever knew you, really,” she whispered. “And it terrifies me that I feel the same way. But we have to hide our secrets to protect them.. Their hearts would break if they knew it all. How do we know when it's time to stop? When do our beliefs start killing our friends? How am I supposed to know what to do?” She collapsed against the marble and shook like mad.
by 
