DIVORCE RATES TO SKYROCKET

September, 2027

The heading is as misleading as the new amendment to the widely criticised Ministry article, number 203. For anyone not in the know: that’s the marriage law. Since August of 2026, the Wizarding World has been under siege – not by Death Eaters, not by Werewolves, but by our own government. After the outbreak of the Welsh Green Itch during the preceding months, the so-called experts decided to increase birth rates and, therefore, replace population via the new marriage law. Thus far, it’s not really been much of a success – unless of course you’re involved in the business of matrimony. In fact, puzzlingly – who’d have thought it – that sector’s profits has trebled in the last year.

It seems, however, that the maternity wings and, in due course, the attorney’s offices are, also, going to become rather busy too. Yesterday, the Ministry announced an amendment to the law: one which everyone would have welcomed had it not included a clause that ruined the weekend plans of all and sundry who still find themselves stuck to their respective spouses. In lieu of getting lawyers, many no doubt went out and got fertility potions because yes, ladies and gentlemen, the clause means that no matter what we do the Ministry is going to get its way – they’re going to get their population up. The clause, if you hadn’t already guessed it, removes the time period in which you need to produce magical offspring but instead allows you to divorce – provided that betwixt yourself and your spouse you have a magical child.

That’s right, you can get the divorce if you have the baby. Clearly the Ministry doesn’t care too much about the state in which these children are brought up – they just need to be born, after all said and done. Indeed, one wonders what the response of these children will be when they find out that they were born in order for their parents to separate. Yes, they are going to feel wonderfully loved, aren’t they? Congratulations, Minister Lupin, on yet another wonderful addition to this excellent law. Everyone in the Wizengamot outdoes themselves every time they amend this asinine law. This time, however, you've done marvelously.

Nevertheless, it is understood that divorce rates are going to explode in number – almost as quickly as the marriage rates did. Whether this is for the best or not remains to be seen. You have to pause and wonder, don’t you, whether it’s worthwhile to just wait it out? You tell yourself it’s only going to be a matter of time before the Ministry repeals this nonsense, don’t you? But as the days turn into weeks, into months, into the second year of this farce with more and more revisions coming every day to our peril, you have to wonder … is it worth going through it in order to get your autonomy back?

This reporter isn’t so sure.