I Could Kid Myself Into Thinking That I'm Fine

Bae,

I told you I had that meeting this morning, right? Well I got some news and I think we need to talk about it. If you could meet me at six, that’d be lovely. I’ll stick an address at the bottom of this for you, but let me know if it doesn’t work out. I won’t be coming back to Keiran’s any time soon, so this would definitely be.... well, ideal.

Hope you can make it,
Nessa

Nessa had to send a new owl in order to reach Baldric. Nate’s, as far as she knew. But the letter had hopefully made it to him, otherwise she was sitting in the little café alone for no reason. On the plus side, she mused darkly, at least she could drink caffeine like it was nothing, now. Much good it did her. The drink had merely made her more antsy, to the point where her foot was tapping and she was tempted to run back to Nathaniel’s flat and hide.

Then again, he didn’t necessarily know the lot of it, so the new place wasn’t totally comfortable ground in comparison. But it was something, right? So if Baldric didn’t show, she had a new safe house she could burrow herself away in. And Nathaniel – he was fairly comfortable ground, though something had innately changed in their conversations and their general atmosphere, though she couldn’t place a finger on the reasoning or how it had happened. Perhaps it was part of having been separated or just growing up. Either way, it wasn’t quite right, but it wasn’t totally wrong. So it would work out in the end, even if no one was sure how just yet.

So she tapped her foot, glanced around the café, and waited, reminding herself over and over, One way or another, things will be sorted.

The first and best bit of news that seemed to have come in a weeks was that for some reason or another, Baldric Wood was not any time soon going to start disintegrating into a strange echo of his mother. The tests that morning had been carried out in the usual fashion which took them deep into the afternoon but the Healers never could quite stop themselves from smiling, from showing just how content they were. A clean bill of health Baldric did not by any means possess but it was looking promising and for him and his Healers, that was enough.

Once he’d been rejigged and given new potions, Baldric was sent on his merry way and it was as he reached the house that he found himself being dive bombed by an owl. Batting the creature away, Baldric stole out the letter from its talons and glared at it before hurrying inside, finding the house largely empty, and so took his opportunity to heat up some soup that had been made a few days before. Then, grabbing a crusty roll from the bread box he sat to the island and ate, scanning his eyes over the Daily Prophet for a while before electing to open his letter.

Chewing, as one does while eating, Baldric perused the page, recognising Nessa’s handwriting before he even reached the end of the letter. He swallowed, reaching for the glass of water he’d gotten himself and drank liberally from the glass, his brows furrowing a little over his eyes as he tried to reconcile her letter with whatever he knew to be going on at present. He supposed something had changed, especially given as she no longer had any intention of staying at Keiran’s. That said, Baldric knew his desire to do the same was building but out of his desire for going it alone rather than disaffection with the people who had been hosting him – not that he thought Nessa was guilty of that, either. He was just confused, simply.

Nevertheless, he was obliged and, indeed, happy to go and meet with her. After finishing his meal and cleaning the kitchen of any debris, he washed up his glass, plate and spoon and wiped them up, replacing them back into their proper places before retiring from the kitchen, electing to take a shower before he headed out once more. Once he had done so, upon returning back downstairs it seemed as though many people had returned to the house. There was a hubbub in the living room, footsteps on the floorboards above, and a general feeling of being filled had enveloped its way around the building, making Baldric almost sorry to leave it. He did so, however, for Nessa’s sake.

Upon apparating with a loud CRACK into London, Baldric took off, bracing his jacket around him against the unforgiving Thames wind, and made his way down the road towards the café that was unfamiliar to him but in failing that detail he did know the particular area well enough and made it in good time, earlier than was instructed but he suspected that Nessa would not begrudge him a whole five minutes. Whilst some preferred to be exactly on time, Baldric could not live with himself unless he was early. So, early he was and he opened the door to the café, scuffed his feet on the mat and took his jacket off as he made his way over to Nessa’s table.

“Evening, m’lady,” he called to her brightly as he set his jacket around the back of the chair to Nessa’s left. He then plopped himself down in it happily and grabbed the menu out of the salt and pepper rack where it had been slid between two metal struts. He turned it over once, twice, thrice and then decided that, given he was no longer permitted to drink much more than a half cup of coffee per day, he’d purchase a cup of tea and perhaps a Danish or a slice of blackberry pie. He was siding with the latter.

After handing over his order to a passing waitress, offering her a galleon in tip for he himself had found himself lately immersed in more money than made him comfortable, Baldric waited to get his tea before he turned to Nessa, deciding to inquire after her cryptic letter and slightly pale countenance. After a few hasty sips of tea, he set the cup down, liking the fact that they were coloured mugs, thus giving the café more of a homely feel, and fixed his attentions wholly upon the young woman before him.

“What’s your news then?” He asked of her.

Real men don't lift weights. They lift women.

It wasn't the first time Nessa registered how true that statement was when it came to Baldric. He had his own issues, what with his own side of the law and trying to figure what to do with himself. Yet he had taken on Nessa with all of her problems and negative emotions and general distress, without so much as complaining. Or, not to her at least. So far as she knew, he had actually defended her to others.

But really, though. How ridiculous was her situation? She had been expecting but it wasn't by her husband, and instead of living with said husband, she was moving in with her attractive best friend from childhood. It made zero sense when considered all at once, but had become a good option in context and on a personal level. So she didn't feel very conflicted about her choice; instead, she was more confident than she had been in a good while.

At Baldric's greeting, she looked up and offered a tight smile, waiting until he had settled before speaking. "I'm sorry this place is so obscure. It's just close to where I'll be staying is all."

After nibbling on a bit of bread, Nessa paused before giving in and answering his question. "I lost him, Bae. Just like I thought I would with the full moon." Shaking her head, Nessa found herself unable to look him in the eyes as she kept on. "So now I guess you don't have to worry about taking him on, though I can't say you have to worry about me anymore, either. I'm going to move in with a childhood friend of mine. He just recently came back, and he has room."

Tilting her head apologetically, she finally looked over at him. "I can't go back. Dylan would... He'd just lose it. We all know that I'm already not on his good side after everything. I can't handle him when I expect him to lash out. So I suppose I'm just wondering if you'd get my things for me sometime and bring them to Nate's? I know it's all very awkward and you don't have to. But it's you or Adrienne and you know she'll pester me until I come back. That girl has more optimism than she should considering our circumstances. And hers... But, really, Bae. Would you mind? Just when you get time."

As the news she expressed broke over him, Baldric felt his heart sink his stomach, his stomach to his gut and his gut in turn pummelled into oblivion. His chest began to ache for her and he opened his mouth, desperate to find some words that could somehow alleviate her pain at that moment but there was nothing that he could say that could somehow mitigate the profound upset caused by the loss of a loved one, especially one that she did not have the luxury of knowing wholeheartedly. Though it was not his child, either, Baldric could feel a certain nausea come over him, his taste for the sweet treat gone. He’d lost a child, too. His pledge to look after Nessa, to look after her and her child, was not one that he had undertaken lightly. Absurdly, he’d begun to look forward to the strange fatherhood he’d take for himself and for the sake of them all. Now, just as easily as it had been pushed into his lap it was snatched away and Baldric felt the loss as though it was his own or as close to it as he could have leave to imagine.

Reaching out, Baldric eased her fingers away from her cup and brought her hand between his larger palms. He rubbed a little bit of warmth into her skin and looked at her, wondering whether he could keep her safe. He didn’t love her. Well, he supposed he did but not quite in the maddening way he adored Bentley. The love he had for Nessa was a different kind of love. It was this inevitable batch of feelings which came with being there for someone else, from electing without thought for himself to lend time, money and affection to a beleaguered woman and her child. Now, without the child, nothing had changed. He loved her no less and he could perhaps be forgiven for the grief that would ensue in private which one might argue he was not deserving of. But this was his child as much as it was Dylan’s. For Baldric had sworn he’d be there. For as long as the law stood he would do everything in his power regardless of his own feelings to ensure everything was stable and happy for mother and son. Now, that was all gone. Then there were two.

“I’m sorry,” he broke out finally, finding his voice which cracked with emotion poorly concealed. “I wish there was something I could have done.”

But of course there wasn’t and he knew it was useless to commiserate over the what ifs. Inhaling a shaky breath through his nose, Baldric disentangled one of his hands from around Nessa’s but kept the other one, afraid of the way they’d shake if he removed both. The one he took away trembled enough and didn’t sooth even when he did curl his fingers around the mug. The heat did nothing to alleviate the sudden lack of control his nerves and muscles seemed to bear and a splintering pain shot up his spine, making him feel utterly helpless, echoing the fact that even if something could have been done, he most probably was not the one to do it. He did not think he’d come off pretty in any attempt to do so. He was weak. As he sipped at his tea, trying desperately not to jolt it from its cup, he remembered this. He remembered it bitterly.

“I would’ve done anything for that child, Nessa,” he said softly as he set the cup back down. “I would’ve. I was more than ready to. I would have been happy to. I’m sorry I couldn’t have stopped it.” He took in a steady breath. “I am not going to abandon you now because of this. You are still my wife, for better or for worse,” his lips twitched, threatening a smile, “and if you want me then I’m here. I’ll be there. Day or night. It doesn’t matter. Even when the law is repealed. If you need me, Ness, I’ll be there.”

He meant it, too. Aside from all other things about Baldric that were endlessly peculiar, he always made good on his promises. He was a traditional man. He valued marriage, he valued the joy that could be found in raising children. It was what made the way of life he wanted to lead someone troubling for him. He wanted nothing more than to create the perfect family setting to try and make up for the faults of his own background. He’d wanted to show it could be done, to show that he could parent, that someone could parent in his family and actually turn out someone who was happy and healthy and loved the people that raised them. It was important. But if this experience proved anything then it was that Baldric didn’t care where his opportunity to be a father came from, thus making his future seem a lot brighter.

“I don’t mind, hun,” he assured her gently, squeezing her hand finally before releasing it. “I can go and get them tonight if you want or I’ll swing by tomorrow morning if it’s easier on you. Whatever you like. I can also butcher Dylan in an alleyway if he even so much as thinks about having a go at you, too. I’m multi-talented.”

Then, for the first time, Baldric smiled properly. It didn’t do much to dent his sorrow but he knew that an active body made for an active mind and an active mind could forget all ills, even ones that cut much deeper than most.