Creative Writing blog

Hmm.. I've been meaning to get some feedback on this for a while, but heh.. thought I'd throw it up here, while I was MIA from PA for a while, I still needed a rather heavy creative outlet (I know what you're thinking, why didn't you just come back here?) Well my muse died.. and I thought maybe if I expressed it in other ways, it might be better (It wasn't).

Soo.. I made this creative writing blog, I don't update very often at all (In fact it was originally going to be a complaint blog where I just complained about shit, but I got in trouble within like, two posts and quit that, long story short, someone got passwords they weren't supposed to know and got angry).

ANYWAY...

If you'd like to read some of my creative writings, I'll post the link here in a second, first thing you need to know, the order in which to read them:

It Is A Lonely Road I Walk
Death of A Day
A Cliff Off A Lonely Road
The Light
Darkness

(Unrelated to the above stories: A mini story I'm half working on.. maybe one day it will be more?)
Fantasy
Fantasy 2

(Back to being related to the above posts)
My New Lights

I know what you're thinking.. those sound depressing.. and they are XDD But hey, think of it as an insight into the inner workings of my brain XDD (They are full of metaphors, all of it, even Fantasy someone tells me, though not exactly directly with those ones).

Anyway, any feedback is welcome. You can post here, there, PM me, message me on facebook, or just like.. message me on MSN, Skype, whatever, or just not message me at all!

But feedback is welcome, and I'd love to hear what you think about it!

Without further ado... The link:

http://tocomplain.blog.com/

This one

http://tocomplain.blog.com/2012/07/08/it-is-a-lonely-road-i-walk/

Not fond of the phrase 'mess up.' Doesn't seem to fit. Blunder seems to match it better. Something like that.

My one issue with it is that it is an extended metaphor for life, obviously, without any anchor to the real events it is connected too. Flashes of comparison would be good. Talking of the light happy time, maybe bits and flashes of the real time it is compared too. Say this was a metaphor for Chase's life.

i.e. I remember that sunlight though.. the pure moments of sheer happiness, the moments that count, even after days of wandering in the dark. The smell of salty water and brownies, smiling faces, unafraid of the lurking monsters.
i.e.There are shadows that follow me, smelling of liquor and cigarettes, regret mixed with lust, with the feeling of my lost love

That last example was poop, but you get the gist? You have one half of the metaphor, and to have the other makes it real, rather than a rant-esque monologue.

My one question left is what does the light stand for?

Here's the good stuff!

I like that you stuck out the extended metaphor. They can be a b!tch to keep up, and they often come close to cliche, so good job there. I really liked the idea of "Sometimes I see the people who made a home in this wild barbaric countryside." Something chilling about that, something sad and true. "Wondering if I too, may help myself to become beautiful like they are, pure, and clean, even with the scars they carry themselves, their beauty makes me weep." That speaks loads to females (and males I guess) for their feelings of comparing to others. I liked the repetition of the first lines at the end. More for me later though. XD

Thanks so much Jackles for your critique!

I took into consideration what you said.. and wrote a new post..

Remember When.. which includes some of the other side of the metaphor.

Decending back into madness, a new post titled There is a moment.